PAGE TWO: It's okay, you guys can request again!
ONE PIECE FAN-FOR-ALL
Or, free-for-all-fic, or fic free-for-all, or fic-for-all, whatever phrasing floats your boat.
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Filled | Unfilled (BOTH posts updated to about half of page three, updated Sept 21, 11-something pm, GMT -5 ( Read more... )
Annoyed and awake, he opened his eyes to see what was disturbing him… and found himself face to face with a white duck that looked strangely familiar.
“Why the hell do you look so familiar?” he asked the duck, then did a double take at the sound of his own voice. He didn’t sound… quite like himself, to say the least. In fact, he had sounded almost like a…
Memories came flooding back, of a sneeze and a bright light and a nap he couldn’t remember settling down for. A bright light…
“Oi, duck, are you…” he began, but had to stop in the middle of the sentence, the absurdity of a woman’s voice speaking instead of his own too much to handle. He sat up and looked down at himself, took in the loose fit of his normally tight shirt, the large bosom that pressed against the white fabric and his now slender limbs. Unable to believe what he was seeing, he shoved a hand down his pants and felt around, needing to confirm that what he was seeing wasn‘t just some trick of his eyes.
“Ah, crap,” he muttered, the truth all too real once he’d actually felt it. Suddenly aware of eyes on him, he pulled his hand free and looked up to see a few horrified looking villagers staring at him and the duck. Oh yeah, the duck…
He looked suspiciously at the it. It didn’t look like any duck he’s ever seen before. It was bigger than the white ducks that used to roam around the dojo grounds when he was a kid, and something about its face…
He looked around and spotted what appeared to be Sanji’s empty clothes in a rumpled heap on the ground before turning back to the duck again. The duck stared intently at him, a somehow annoyed expression on its ducky face. Zoro frowned. Could it really be…
“Love Cook, if that’s really you, nod tree times and quack twice.”
The duck glared at him, murder in its eyes, before following his instructions perfectly.
‘A duck. A fucking duck.’
Zoro couldn’t stop the chuckle that started deep in his chest. It was faint at first, but it didn’t take long for it to turn into roaring laughter with an edge of insanity to it that Zoro honestly felt that he could treat himself to this time. It sounded foreign with his new voice, and that just made it worse.
“Zoro-san, Sanji-san, I’m so, so sorry!”
The girl, who had been staring at them the whole time with her hands clamped over her mouth in horror, came running towards them. Zoro tried to calm down and stop laughing. He almost succeeded, but then he took one look at Sanji and was lost again, laughing until his ribs ached and his head was starting to swim.
“Zoro-san, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!” the little girl said, and the remorse in her voice finally got through to him. He reached up to wipe the tears from his face and found himself distracted by how different it felt. The entire bone structure had changed, and when he touched his lips they were soft and full under his fingertips. At least his hair still felt the same, he noticed with faint relief. Well, the cut did, at least. The hair itself felt silkier, somehow, and that pissed him off a little.
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He took a deep, calming breath before looking up at the girl, afraid that he would start laughing again at any second.
“This change,” he said with a steady voice that surprised even him. “Is it permanent?”
She shook her head.
“No. The effect only lasts for a day and a night. You should be back to normal tomorrow.”
Zoro glanced at the duck… at Sanji. His relief was obvious, and Zoro could have sworn that he heard a sigh coming from his direction. He turned back to the girl when Sanji started waddling towards his pile of clothes.
“Then we’re leaving. We’ve got nothing more to do here now.”
The girl lowered her eyes, looking so guilty and sad that Zoro actually felt bad.
“It’s not because of you, kid,” he said in an attempt to comfort her. “We were just about to leave anyway.”
She smiled faintly at that and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. Zoro grinned a little, but turned away when he heard the flopping sound of Sanji’s feet approaching.
“The hell?”
Sanji had a cigarette clamped in his beak. He stared up at Zoro and quacked. Whatever he was trying to say, it sounded very much like a demand.
“I’m not lighting that for you, cook. Ducks shouldn’t smoke.”
The enraged look on Sanji’s strangely expressive face was worth every harsh nip he got.
After the girl’s mother had packed Sanji’s clothes and a little food into a backpack, which she insisted they’d keep, Zoro said goodbye to the villagers, picked Sanji up under one arm and left the village in the wrong direction.
-----
“I don’t remember it taking this long when we walked this way earlier,” Zoro muttered, hot and sweaty and longing for a nap on the Sunny’s lawn. Sanji had stopped being a pain, at least. When they first started walking he had been wriggling and quacking like crazy, not to mention the nipping. He seemed to have given up now, though. Zoro had a nagging feeling that he’d been trying to tell him something, but he didn’t speak duck, so even if Zoro had given a damn what the idiot had to say he wouldn‘t have been able to understand.
The trees cleared suddenly, and Zoro found himself at the edge of a tall, steep slope.
“Did we pass a lake earlier?” he asked, looking down at the small lake beneath them. Sanji quacked once, and Zoro had a sudden feeling that he’d just been insulted.
He started walking along the slope in the hopes of finding a good way down, when a huge chunk of ground suddenly collapsed beneath his feet. He tried to jump to safety, and if things had been normal he wouldn’t have had a problem doing so. But now he was in a body with a centre of gravity that felt completely off, and the boots on his feet were several sizes too big, so what should have been a graceful leap to safety instead turned into a harsh tumble down the slope. He let go of Sanji as he fell, afraid that he’d crush him if he held on and trusting him to take care of himself, and then everything was spinning.
It all came to a sudden and very messy stop at the bottom of the slope, deep mud softening the impact and saving him from breaking something. He groaned, spread-eagled in the mud, and decided to stay still until the world stopped spinning behind his closed eyelids.
“Stupid body,” he muttered, and was instantly annoyed by the lack of growl in his feminine voice. The sound of frantically beating wings caught his attention, and he opened his eyes just in time to see Sanji come fluttering down from above. He swept past the mud and made a clumsy landing in the lake some twenty steps away. He disappeared briefly in a cloud of water as he skidded on the surface, and when Zoro could see him again he had an almost surprised look on his face as he floated there.
Zoro pushed himself upright with a grunt and got to his feet. There was mud everywhere. On his clothes, in his hair, in his fucking mouth and, worst of all, on his swords. He sighed. Always, always when he didn’t have anything to clean them with. Grumbling, he started walking towards the lake to wash himself before the mud dried under the hot summer sun.
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Sanji was swimming in circles when he stepped into the water, but he kept his eyes fixed on Zoro and was quacking loudly. And sometimes language barriers weren’t an issue, because Zoro could always tell when he was being laughed at.
“Shut the hell up, duck! Go cook yourself, or something!”
The quacking laughter only got louder, so Zoro decided to ignore the bastard and head towards the clean, grassy side of the small lake. It was only a short swim away, and when he got there most of the mud had already been washed away. He stepped onto the shore, dropped the backpack on the ground and leaned his swords against the trunk of a nearby tree before trudging back into the water, stopping when the water reached his waist.
Sanji started swimming around him in lazy circles, still quacking happily. He became quiet, however, when Zoro pulled his shirt over his head. He stopped swimming and just floated there, staring.
Feeling victorious, Zoro took a moment to examine his new assets. They were almost as big as Nami’s, he noticed, with small, darkish nipples. His scar ran through the top of the left one, giving it a somewhat odd shape, but other than that he had to say they were… nice. He might have appreciated them more if he actually liked breasts, but he knew someone else who sure did. He glanced at Sanji, tried to stop the smirk he could feel tugging at his mouth, and decided to put on a show to tease the little bastard.
He cupped his right breast in his hand, getting a feel of the weight. He heard a strangled quack that he guessed was the duck equivalent of ‘mellorine’ as he pinched gently at the nipple, and damn, but that was sensitive. He tried it again, brushed his thumb over the stiff nub, slid his palm over it as he massaged the breast, all the while eyeing Sanji through his lowered lashes to gauge his reaction.
“Pervert,” he said once he felt he’d done enough teasing and splashed some water in Sanji’s direction. Sanji didn’t even blink, however, his eyes still fixed on Zoro’s chest. Zoro snorted and started washing his clothes, ignoring the cook completely.
He removed his clothes one piece at a time, hurling them onto the shore when he deemed them clean enough. It wasn’t long before he was completely naked in the waist deep water. He finished by ducking under the surface to wash his face and hair, then he headed back to the shore.
He hung his wet clothes on a low tree branch, knowing that they would dry quickly in the sun and figuring that one hour more or less wouldn’t lessen Nami’s rage once they finally got to the ship, late as they were. He heard Sanji get up on the shore as well, but decided to ignore the bastard. After all that quacking laughter, the damn cook could go do whatever the hell it is ducks do as far as Zoro was concerned.
He sat down next to his swords and leaned his back against the tree trunk. He yawned and stretched his arms over his head, the warm sun making him feel drowsy. When he blinked the tears from his eyes, he spotted Sanji in front of him, standing still as a statue a few feet away. He had a very peculiar look on his face, but he wasn’t looking at Zoro’s breasts anymore. In fact, his eyes were glued to something a bit farther down his body, and Zoro suddenly realised that he wasn’t sitting in a very… ladylike fashion. He’d sat down the way he usually did, with his legs spread wide and bent at the knees. And in his state of complete undress, it was giving Sanji a nice view of his new female bits.
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He had a good, long laugh at his nakama’s expense, feeling that he’d finally had his revenge. The laughter stuck in his throat, however, as something feathery pressed up between his thighs, tickling acutely against his genitals. He looked down just as Sanji pressed the side of his head against his midriff and rubbed, looking for all the world like the happiest duck alive. For a few long seconds all he could do was stare. Then the spell broke and he practically exploded.
“What the hell is wrong with you!” he yelled, shoving Sanji away roughly and clamping his knees together to shield himself. His anger melted away quickly when Sanji looked up into his face, looking so frustrated and confused that Zoro couldn’t help but feel a little bit sorry for him. He was still Sanji, after all, with his thoughts and his feelings, and he’d gotten used to them being close during their months spent as fuck buddies. Zoro had never rejected him before, and for him to do so now that Sanji probably already felt vulnerable and frustrated from being turned into a duck… but he looked like a duck, damnit, and having a duck between his legs felt fucking weird.
Sanji’s head dropped and he let out the saddest quack Zoro had ever heard. He groaned.
“Shit. C’mere,” he said and held his arms out in invitation. Sanji waddled over and let himself get picked up, and Zoro pressed him gently against his chest in a kind of apology.
“I hope you’re happy now, fucking pervert,” he muttered. Sanji buried his head between his breasts and quacked happily.
They sat like that for a while before Zoro shifted, rearranging his legs so he could put Sanji on his lap.
“Don’t try anything weird, cook,” he grumbled.
Sanji just leaned the side of his head against Zoro’s belly and closed his eyes. Zoro smiled down at him, stroked a gentle hand over his feathery neck, and a couple of minutes later, they were both fast asleep.
-----
When they woke up, Zoro’s clothes were already dry. He got dressed despite Sanji’s disappointed expression, fastened his swords and picked Sanji up to continue his search for the ship.
“You think we’ll get back before the effect wears off?” he asked as he trudged deeper into the forest.
“Quack.”
“Hn. You’re probably right. But wouldn’t it be interesting to see how the women would like you as a duck?”
It took a long while for Sanji’s horrified quacking to finally quiet down.
THE END
Writer-anon’s note: I came this close to actually writing a duck-on-girl-sex omake (wouldn‘t want to break rule 34, right?), but then I decided to be nice and not break any more brains than I absolutely had to (unless someone really wants me to, of course).
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I haven't had as much of laugh for a long time.
Poor Sanji, why is it always him, who has bad luck?
as for the duck on girl sex, the acient Greeks had already broke the rule, though in their case it was a swan (but let's say it's close enough XD)
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So glad you liked it!
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OMG! *throws 5 tons of cookies at you*
THis was FANTASTIC! So fun!! So perfect!
That is Sanjis luck...and yay for Zoro for taking pity on the poor frustrated duck..
YAy!
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I was actually afraid people would think it was crappy. It was one of those "Oh, hi, I'm an idea, well, what do you know, I'm finished now!" fics. I had so much fun writing it!
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That was the most delicious crack I have ever experienced. I'd quote the lines that had me laughing my ass off, but there are too many to list. And the way you write Sanji's duck behavior--priceless.
I have to tell you, I was rather turned on by Zoro doing a strip-tease for a duck. Which really says something about your writing skills. I honestly wouldn't turn down that omake, as weird and pervy as that sounds.
Seriously though, this is so much more awesome than I ever expected. Thanks so much, anon!
-OP
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I'm so glad you like it! I started loving duck-Sanji so much while writing this that I think I'll have to write some more with girl-Zoro and duck-Sanji in the future.
I'll keep the omake in mind. It might show up sometime in the future... if I have the guts to actually write it XD
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