things in my life have been going great.. but something is missing
i have every intention of letting myself change to be a better person, and i plan on doing that, but i odnt make miricles and i am not God so it will take me a litle bit longer... these past few weeks i have felt like i for once in my life have friends that i can depend on (jenn christie emily nikki ) and i love it dearly it makes me so happy to be able to go out and have a good time with them ... but i still have those days where i get lonely, but like not lonely cuz i dont have friends lonely cuz i dont have someone special in my life that i can share me happpiness with. I am not by any means one of those girls who always has to have a guy in her life because i am single more than not and i like that but sometimes i want to come home to someone... i do something all the time that i wish i didnt but i do... i fall for someone that doesnt even notice me and then i dont let myself like anyone else untill something happens good with the one i fell for... i have permadent scars and bruises form falling so much and i wish i never did but its what i do... iahve come to the conclusion that i prolly will never find someone that will love me for me so why try... when i like someone it is tough becuz i think about them all the time and i will try and try to get over them but it wont work... i sometimes think the reason i fall for guys that i know i can never get is so that i never have to have someone at all becuz this way if i have a crush on someone like eddie who will never in a million years notice me then i have a reason to tell others no... i think some of the reasoin behind this is i have a hard time trusting the guys in general just becuz i have never seen a good solid relationship and all the ones i have seen were fake and didnt last more than a year..
if you are reading this and wondering why i never let people see this side of me dont wonder anymore becuz i dont like to show people how i really feel becuz i dont want to hurt anyone else.....
dont get me wrong i am prollly one of the happiest peopel in the world and i let the little thigns slide which is a good thing for me so that is one good thing...
tonight i was watching a little bit of summer catch and one part has jessica biel telling freddie prince that she wanted nothign over the summer and he says "o and am i the nothign you picked" sometimes thats what i feel i am the person that when there is nothign else better people go to ....
"i could live a thousand years if i could be alone with you
and every second of my life i would never play the fool
i never turn my back to you, i was the one who saw you first the creative side of the uiniverse
i never knew what was ahead of me, not im out of the eyes of wintertime
and here in the sun i will stay inside your shades of love
makes one day forever
and when july has come and gone this day will last forever"
wow i thini about you alot lately and its driving me nutts cuz i know i am wasting my time but i still keep doing it!!!!!!!!!!