The river's just a river
Oy. I feel like an emotional train wreck. How to explain myself... Well the world is whirling past me is what it is. So many bad things have happened, and I can't help but be sad for that, but then other things are just fine. I feel like there is this huge knot inside of me, a huge tension of wanting to keep things the same, but at the same time wanting to change them. I am definately past the college apps stressing stuff (well, at least i think i am.) I really don't care about that anymore, and its better that way--isn't it? I'm doing okay, but I feel alone. I know---does this sound like aaron's entry? cuz i kinda feel the same way he does. i feel distant, i feel kinda low, i feel like a bad daughter, i feel like a bad friend. I'm a walking contradiction. Does everyone love me, or does everyone just pretend to stand me? Am i a good student, or am i just a fake? if you guys only knew my state of mind. "the truth, the truth that lies beneath all" argh. i hate being like this. i hate being all sad and down for you guys because the truth is i like to see you guys laugh. i love it when i'm the one making you guys laugh, cuz at least i know i'm not being all psycho serious or intimidating. i really do love you guys and i miss you and i wish you were here with me.