Back in the world I tore myself away from
GAH i love comming home at 9am. It's so invigorating. I feel like going out and running 10 miles. in fact, I probablly will if i dont go to the car show.
i FINALLY saw Donnie Darko. That movie fucking blew my mind. When i got to Gage's, i just sat down and thought for a while. then matt tried to explain it to me, and what he said was so insightful and true, and it completly changed the theory molly and sara constructed of the movie. we were all dead fucking wrong. im going to watch that movie over and over till i have it down to a fucking science. then i'll be the smartest person in the world!!!!!!!!!!!
I had intended on going to the cheerleading sleepover, but Tom & Gage called me and I couldnt resist going over there. Its where i was last saturday, except this time Matt was house sitting so we got to roam and do as we please. I plan on marrying the owner of the house. its fucking amazing. he did his own decorating, and god, its just..... wow. amazing.
Tonight got me thinking about how annoyed i used to be when centered around the "north group." (North group. and by those two words you guys should know the lifestyle that im referring to) it was a bunch of "lets get naked" and "lets drink ourselves stupid and get naked" and im fucking sick of it. i love those guys, dont get me wrong, but it got SO fucking anoying. especially because they knew damn well that no one was getting naked but them...... ANYWAYS so of course last night i tried to get drunk but i couldnt bring myself to do it. i took 2 shots and quit. i really dont like the feeling of being drunk. i dont like not being in control of myself. but anyways point being they were all drunk and as amazingly gorgeous as matt and tom are, all i wanted was space from them. god i cant even describe what happened, but the night was an endless convo about everything from "tell me something about yourself" "i want to know exactly who you are" you know, sincere questions, to; "so how many times have you made out w/ a girl?" "what kind of thong are you wearing? can i see it?" "I live for drugs, sex and rock and roll cause im a fucking conformist" i thought tom was so amazing, and we were so comfortable w/ each other, but last night, i realized how pessimistic and cliche he really is. we played the little question game for hours, and he never had a straight answer. he was like, re-inventing his whole life to try to impress matt and me, and it was so fucking anoying. (and whenever id answer a question, he wouldnt believe me. ive never done anything but weed, and he found that to be the hardest thing in the world to believe. fuck that, dont ask me fucking questions if your not going to listen to my answers with an open mind. if your going to be like that, then answer the questions yourself. fuck.) and then they wouldnt get off me. all i wanted to do was crawl up in bed w/ tom and go to sleep, and all they wanted to do was have a 3-some or whatever the fuck they were getting at. i dont mean that in a literal sense, because we all knew damn well that nothing would happen, even if we were to have dranken (tense?) ourselves to oblivion, but their persistence and ignorance was so fucking pathetic. i dont even know what the fuck im saying right now. it was all so friendly and sarcastic, and we were having a great time talking, but i cant help but think that there was a hint of seriousness in them throughout the night, and that pisses me off so much. but around 5 when tom and i went upstairs to go to sleep, i realized how much respect he had for me. he finally got the guts to kiss me, which was amazing. and we fell asleep together. i hate having to wake up and go home. i could have slept there for years. tom was so honest with me about his feelings for me, and once again, as always, it resulted in an agreement of neither of us wanting a full-blown relationship, and acting like we did would result in someone getting hurt. what the fuck is this? i never said i wanted a fucking boyfriend, did i? not once. but its so sweet that he cares that much about me that hes afraid of hurting me. so basically, were friends with an amazing passion for each other who have no direction, and no idea on how to place these emotions. i fucking love this. i love every bit of this. the uncertainty, yet the surety fucking amazes me.
i FINALLY saw Donnie Darko. That movie fucking blew my mind. When i got to Gage's, i just sat down and thought for a while. then matt tried to explain it to me, and what he said was so insightful and true, and it completly changed the theory molly and sara constructed of the movie. we were all dead fucking wrong. im going to watch that movie over and over till i have it down to a fucking science. then i'll be the smartest person in the world!!!!!!!!!!!
I had intended on going to the cheerleading sleepover, but Tom & Gage called me and I couldnt resist going over there. Its where i was last saturday, except this time Matt was house sitting so we got to roam and do as we please. I plan on marrying the owner of the house. its fucking amazing. he did his own decorating, and god, its just..... wow. amazing.
Tonight got me thinking about how annoyed i used to be when centered around the "north group." (North group. and by those two words you guys should know the lifestyle that im referring to) it was a bunch of "lets get naked" and "lets drink ourselves stupid and get naked" and im fucking sick of it. i love those guys, dont get me wrong, but it got SO fucking anoying. especially because they knew damn well that no one was getting naked but them...... ANYWAYS so of course last night i tried to get drunk but i couldnt bring myself to do it. i took 2 shots and quit. i really dont like the feeling of being drunk. i dont like not being in control of myself. but anyways point being they were all drunk and as amazingly gorgeous as matt and tom are, all i wanted was space from them. god i cant even describe what happened, but the night was an endless convo about everything from "tell me something about yourself" "i want to know exactly who you are" you know, sincere questions, to; "so how many times have you made out w/ a girl?" "what kind of thong are you wearing? can i see it?" "I live for drugs, sex and rock and roll cause im a fucking conformist" i thought tom was so amazing, and we were so comfortable w/ each other, but last night, i realized how pessimistic and cliche he really is. we played the little question game for hours, and he never had a straight answer. he was like, re-inventing his whole life to try to impress matt and me, and it was so fucking anoying. (and whenever id answer a question, he wouldnt believe me. ive never done anything but weed, and he found that to be the hardest thing in the world to believe. fuck that, dont ask me fucking questions if your not going to listen to my answers with an open mind. if your going to be like that, then answer the questions yourself. fuck.) and then they wouldnt get off me. all i wanted to do was crawl up in bed w/ tom and go to sleep, and all they wanted to do was have a 3-some or whatever the fuck they were getting at. i dont mean that in a literal sense, because we all knew damn well that nothing would happen, even if we were to have dranken (tense?) ourselves to oblivion, but their persistence and ignorance was so fucking pathetic. i dont even know what the fuck im saying right now. it was all so friendly and sarcastic, and we were having a great time talking, but i cant help but think that there was a hint of seriousness in them throughout the night, and that pisses me off so much. but around 5 when tom and i went upstairs to go to sleep, i realized how much respect he had for me. he finally got the guts to kiss me, which was amazing. and we fell asleep together. i hate having to wake up and go home. i could have slept there for years. tom was so honest with me about his feelings for me, and once again, as always, it resulted in an agreement of neither of us wanting a full-blown relationship, and acting like we did would result in someone getting hurt. what the fuck is this? i never said i wanted a fucking boyfriend, did i? not once. but its so sweet that he cares that much about me that hes afraid of hurting me. so basically, were friends with an amazing passion for each other who have no direction, and no idea on how to place these emotions. i fucking love this. i love every bit of this. the uncertainty, yet the surety fucking amazes me.