(no subject)
My heart hurts today.
Ego energies can be great fuel, otherwise how would we ever drive ourselves forward to our own standard of greatness?
Yet, the aggressive ruthlessness can be a blind force with tunnel vision. When the walls part ways again, what we see can steal us of our breath. What I see are lawns that I've mercilessly plowed through. Forcefully running without stopping to wonder what's underneath my feet.
Perhaps what Id been crushing was something I needed to see whole.
Do I know the difference between wholeness and partitions? If I do, it's not from my example of self.
I've been so masculinely driven and liking it. Running so hard, so fervently. Craving the pounding of flesh and the shedding of the poison that dwells underneath it.
The brute adrenaline has made me feel more alive.
But today, the lady returned. The Lunar Venusian angel with the soft Cancerian heart, and she's saddened by the madness of the Marsian. I wish those pesky two could just find a way to get along without pitting me at the gut of their constant tug of war. Who I was yesterday and who I am today have nothing in common but the skin they've worn into the world and all I can do is woefully wonder, and hope that one day it will lead me to a consistency that consistently feels "right".
Ego energies can be great fuel, otherwise how would we ever drive ourselves forward to our own standard of greatness?
Yet, the aggressive ruthlessness can be a blind force with tunnel vision. When the walls part ways again, what we see can steal us of our breath. What I see are lawns that I've mercilessly plowed through. Forcefully running without stopping to wonder what's underneath my feet.
Perhaps what Id been crushing was something I needed to see whole.
Do I know the difference between wholeness and partitions? If I do, it's not from my example of self.
I've been so masculinely driven and liking it. Running so hard, so fervently. Craving the pounding of flesh and the shedding of the poison that dwells underneath it.
The brute adrenaline has made me feel more alive.
But today, the lady returned. The Lunar Venusian angel with the soft Cancerian heart, and she's saddened by the madness of the Marsian. I wish those pesky two could just find a way to get along without pitting me at the gut of their constant tug of war. Who I was yesterday and who I am today have nothing in common but the skin they've worn into the world and all I can do is woefully wonder, and hope that one day it will lead me to a consistency that consistently feels "right".