bad day
So I am having a bad day for no reason.
I had a bad day at work.
Slept all day when I got home.
And now I am have an bad night.
Nate told Vince that I don't want to move away. He makes it sound like he doesn't really want me to move with him. It makes me feel like crap because I do want to. Yeah I am scared to move. I have never moved in my life. And I have never really been away from my family for a long time. Also, I still get myself all worked up about stupid little thoughts I have. Like what ifs that shouldn't be thought about. I feel like crap. Maybe I will just go to bed early. I'm sure he wouldn't care anyway. Why does today have to suck so much. Yesterday was so great. He was in such a good mood yesterday. What happened? Is it me or him or both of us? Is there a secret that I just don't know? Like how to keep boys happy and not be so awkward? Maybe it is all in my head? And why can't he stay at the table when we have dinner and he finishes before me? I wait for him the few times that I finished before him. I just feel really lonely today and like no one gives a damn. Lately I just keep thinking that if something terrible happens and he isn't around, that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I can live without sex but I don't want to be with anyone else. I want to be with this boy forever and I want him to want to be with me forever. I want him to be less negative. I feel like I just can't win sometimes. And then other times everything is just fine. Also I hate to admit it but I am kinda jealous of other people and their relationships sometimes. Because they always seem so happy, and I know they aren't always because I don't see them 24/7 but still. They hold hands and kiss and I just wish I was more attractive (inside and out) so that maybe he would want to be like that with me. Is that wrong of me? I just feel like I'm not supposed to randomly kiss him or hug him. Like I kinda feel like I'm not allowed to. And I don't know why I feel that way. It's not like he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me. And that's the worst part. ffjfdljfananlad fuck. I don't even know how to explain it. whatever it doesn't matter. If it doesn't work out, I can just be a cat lady. No one would care anyway.
I had a bad day at work.
Slept all day when I got home.
And now I am have an bad night.
Nate told Vince that I don't want to move away. He makes it sound like he doesn't really want me to move with him. It makes me feel like crap because I do want to. Yeah I am scared to move. I have never moved in my life. And I have never really been away from my family for a long time. Also, I still get myself all worked up about stupid little thoughts I have. Like what ifs that shouldn't be thought about. I feel like crap. Maybe I will just go to bed early. I'm sure he wouldn't care anyway. Why does today have to suck so much. Yesterday was so great. He was in such a good mood yesterday. What happened? Is it me or him or both of us? Is there a secret that I just don't know? Like how to keep boys happy and not be so awkward? Maybe it is all in my head? And why can't he stay at the table when we have dinner and he finishes before me? I wait for him the few times that I finished before him. I just feel really lonely today and like no one gives a damn. Lately I just keep thinking that if something terrible happens and he isn't around, that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I can live without sex but I don't want to be with anyone else. I want to be with this boy forever and I want him to want to be with me forever. I want him to be less negative. I feel like I just can't win sometimes. And then other times everything is just fine. Also I hate to admit it but I am kinda jealous of other people and their relationships sometimes. Because they always seem so happy, and I know they aren't always because I don't see them 24/7 but still. They hold hands and kiss and I just wish I was more attractive (inside and out) so that maybe he would want to be like that with me. Is that wrong of me? I just feel like I'm not supposed to randomly kiss him or hug him. Like I kinda feel like I'm not allowed to. And I don't know why I feel that way. It's not like he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me. And that's the worst part. ffjfdljfananlad fuck. I don't even know how to explain it. whatever it doesn't matter. If it doesn't work out, I can just be a cat lady. No one would care anyway.