:)
Hello. Well, I'm happy now.... and thats awesome. Nothing has really changed. I just really realized that my life wasn't going in a very good place and I needed to help myself out and I did. So, I guess I want to apologize and thank all of you for all the things I've done that were irrational or whatever... and the thank you part is for those of you who have always been there for me... I know it doesn't seem like I notice... I know it seems like I take you for granted, but the thing is that it takes a lot to tell someone you know you have been wrong. It also takes a lot to say thank yo usometimes. But, Thank you... sincerely. There are about 4 main people... well I guess about 5 actually well no maybe 6... I don't know. But okay 4 people have been consistantly there for me and supportive of me through a whole bunch of shit... I realyl want to say thank you and tall u guys u mean the world to me. So: Jay, Lauren, Chad, Bobby... thank you. You guys are awesome. And thank you for dealing with my crap. Theres lots of other people who help me out all the time too, but I know that those 4 have really put up with a lot of crap lately from me as I was trying to figure myself out. I realized that I have awesome friends. I usually write in here about how much my friedns suck, but they don't. Last night at Chris's... everyone was so nice to me and I realized that I should never doubt them because when it comes down to it we are the shit! But, I'm going to eat something and attempt my laundry (BIG TASK). LOVE YOU!!!!!!
Madee
p.s.
I'm trying
to be what you want me to be (and ultimatly what I want to be, but its so much easier when theres more than just me I'm fighting for)
but it's so damn hard to keep playing the part
of the fool, week after week (which is what i feel like every time I fuck up or every time I realize I'm not making "progress")
I think you need some time alone (I think you need some time alone) (this part is for me... I think I need some time alone)
you say you want someone to call your own
open your eyes, you can suck in your pride
you can live your life all on your own (yup, trying)
Is this all going to be just another time
that we play this game? (hope not)
I've tried to convince you that things could be different
but somehow they end up the same
But what
did you expect from me? What am I supposed to do?
you say that you're starting to feel like you're getting lost
well, I do too
I don't wanna live this lie again (I don't wanna live this lie again)
I know I'll get it right but I don't know when
I'll open my eyes, I've got something in side
I'll just jack off in my room until then
Madee
p.s.
I'm trying
to be what you want me to be (and ultimatly what I want to be, but its so much easier when theres more than just me I'm fighting for)
but it's so damn hard to keep playing the part
of the fool, week after week (which is what i feel like every time I fuck up or every time I realize I'm not making "progress")
I think you need some time alone (I think you need some time alone) (this part is for me... I think I need some time alone)
you say you want someone to call your own
open your eyes, you can suck in your pride
you can live your life all on your own (yup, trying)
Is this all going to be just another time
that we play this game? (hope not)
I've tried to convince you that things could be different
but somehow they end up the same
But what
did you expect from me? What am I supposed to do?
you say that you're starting to feel like you're getting lost
well, I do too
I don't wanna live this lie again (I don't wanna live this lie again)
I know I'll get it right but I don't know when
I'll open my eyes, I've got something in side
I'll just jack off in my room until then