Oh shit... here we go again...
U know what I hate? I hate waking up all the time and wishing I didn't do what I did the night before. This past few weeks, every time I wake up after a night of partying I"m like "what the fuck did I do last night? Wasted $20 bucks." I never have fun, ever... I always think I will but then I don't because I am too drunk or too high. Last night just sucked ass cuz I spent a lot of money durring the day on the x mas tree and shit... then I had to pay $20 to jay for the money i owed him, pot and the keg... then i smoked and drank for like 2 hours and then Chad showed up and I felt like an idiot so I left. It sucked cuz I wish I wasn't that fucked up cuz my friends from redford came out to see me and I went home like an hour after they got there. Lauren stold a sign from the church that says "The wrath of God is comming. Stop destroying Americas unborn or God will destroy America"... I hate those types of signs. I'm not thrilled that lauren stile it either, however. So whatever. That's the point of the story... that I had a shitty shitty night last night and I should've went bowling with Bobby or just hung out but instead I get fucked up... I hate it. Plus I did so good on not smoking but then when I was at Chris's I had like 6 or 7 cigarettes. Damnit... Starting over today. I wish I didn't get fucked up every day... I wish I could say that and then just simply not get fucked up anymore... but I guess its also sad when u realize that you no longer have that choice. My moms an alcoholic, my dad's a drug addict and alcoholic... everyone in my family is addicted to somehting (not necissarily a substance, but maybe like... gambling or osmething)... so why should I htink I have the control to be any different. Well heres the plan: I'm gonna not smoke cigarettes anymore. Then I'm gonna get my fucked up ness under control, like have like 2 beers and no more pot except maybe like one hit, cuz that would probably just be better that way... I won't be dissappointing all my friends who hate pot. Apparently, "I'm better than to smoke pot"... that's what they say. I don't necissarily agree but I don't know, someone keeps telling me how fucked up I look whenever they see me and I know I'm just fucking up things with them worse every single time I see them, so for the reasons I just said + like 400 other reasons, I'm done with the pot for a while.
So, about the other important issue in my life that I dont like to go without: men. I'm forcing myself to go without a guy for a while. I'm never single, and my shrink things that sometimes I hook up with a guy because I feel that I'm somehow expected to give everyone a chance... and I htink she might be right, because almost every guy-friend that I have has at one point tried to hook up with me and even if I didn't see them like that, but just as a friend, I hooked up with them. Only to dump em like a few weeks later, and I don't want it to be like that. I mean I guess I feel like if I don't give them a chance I might be missing out on a great guy, but I came up with a happy median. I'm not gonna date guys so fast. I'm usually like, okay... so this guy likes me... I could like him... lets see. And then I jump right into things with them and never really get to know them. That is stupid. So now, I'm just being friends with everyone. And I just want everyone to be cool with that and understnad. Another thing is that I don't wanna be tied to one guy right now. I was thinking about this yestarday... I LOVE to be in relationships (well, good ones that is) I absolutly love the feeling that I know someone else is thinking about me and wanting me just like I'm sitting there and wanting them... and having someone call u n tell u how their day was... I just love it. So, whatever, I like it... but the time in between relationships is the funnest time EVER. You get to hit on guys whenever u want, u get so much variety, so much fun! No restrictions. So... Yea. I'm single, but not alone, don't worry :) And people think I"m like "a player" no. I'm really not. I can honestly say that about 95% of the guys I've ever been with, I had real feelings for. Seriously. It's just that I probably eventually realized that long term they weren't what I wanted. Thats what fucks with me too... whenever i see an ex I still see the quality in them that drew me to them... and sometimes I still want it, but then i htink about all the other ones i didnt like. So, now all I have to do is throw all my ex boyfriends in a big pot and cook em together... and we have to add a little bit of money in there cuz every guy I ever dated was broke as hell... but broke guys are usually funner... guys with money think its okay just to take u to eat and not talk to u or somehting just cuz they're spengina lots of money on u... so what? So, whatever...
Dude, I have b een having sex dreams like every night lately. Last night my dream was FUCKED UP. I had sex with 3 people in my dreams last night. One of em was Brother Mark!!! it was in 2 differet tdreams though. One of em I had all my clothes on n shit but then for some reason I was having sex with Brother Mark... I remember that all the sex I had last night was really good and I got off like real quick. Then I had sex with ... yea, I can't write it in here. So that was in a whole new dream, so I had sex with them and I was like woah, that was wierd... then I was walking to my car and ANOTHER guy started talkin to me about important issues and we talked for a hwile and ended up doin it. I got a lot of ass last night. Sweet. Then I had a dream about a guy wit a really really little dick... I don't remember who it was, but they were really really tall, like 7 feet tall and for some reason they were showing everyone their dick and it was honestly like an inch long limp... but who knows about hard?
Okay, now that u know all about my drug and alcohol overusage and my feeling on relationships and my sex dreams, I'm gonna go eat something and maybe do my laundry. I hope I do somehting today :) Buh bye.
So, about the other important issue in my life that I dont like to go without: men. I'm forcing myself to go without a guy for a while. I'm never single, and my shrink things that sometimes I hook up with a guy because I feel that I'm somehow expected to give everyone a chance... and I htink she might be right, because almost every guy-friend that I have has at one point tried to hook up with me and even if I didn't see them like that, but just as a friend, I hooked up with them. Only to dump em like a few weeks later, and I don't want it to be like that. I mean I guess I feel like if I don't give them a chance I might be missing out on a great guy, but I came up with a happy median. I'm not gonna date guys so fast. I'm usually like, okay... so this guy likes me... I could like him... lets see. And then I jump right into things with them and never really get to know them. That is stupid. So now, I'm just being friends with everyone. And I just want everyone to be cool with that and understnad. Another thing is that I don't wanna be tied to one guy right now. I was thinking about this yestarday... I LOVE to be in relationships (well, good ones that is) I absolutly love the feeling that I know someone else is thinking about me and wanting me just like I'm sitting there and wanting them... and having someone call u n tell u how their day was... I just love it. So, whatever, I like it... but the time in between relationships is the funnest time EVER. You get to hit on guys whenever u want, u get so much variety, so much fun! No restrictions. So... Yea. I'm single, but not alone, don't worry :) And people think I"m like "a player" no. I'm really not. I can honestly say that about 95% of the guys I've ever been with, I had real feelings for. Seriously. It's just that I probably eventually realized that long term they weren't what I wanted. Thats what fucks with me too... whenever i see an ex I still see the quality in them that drew me to them... and sometimes I still want it, but then i htink about all the other ones i didnt like. So, now all I have to do is throw all my ex boyfriends in a big pot and cook em together... and we have to add a little bit of money in there cuz every guy I ever dated was broke as hell... but broke guys are usually funner... guys with money think its okay just to take u to eat and not talk to u or somehting just cuz they're spengina lots of money on u... so what? So, whatever...
Dude, I have b een having sex dreams like every night lately. Last night my dream was FUCKED UP. I had sex with 3 people in my dreams last night. One of em was Brother Mark!!! it was in 2 differet tdreams though. One of em I had all my clothes on n shit but then for some reason I was having sex with Brother Mark... I remember that all the sex I had last night was really good and I got off like real quick. Then I had sex with ... yea, I can't write it in here. So that was in a whole new dream, so I had sex with them and I was like woah, that was wierd... then I was walking to my car and ANOTHER guy started talkin to me about important issues and we talked for a hwile and ended up doin it. I got a lot of ass last night. Sweet. Then I had a dream about a guy wit a really really little dick... I don't remember who it was, but they were really really tall, like 7 feet tall and for some reason they were showing everyone their dick and it was honestly like an inch long limp... but who knows about hard?
Okay, now that u know all about my drug and alcohol overusage and my feeling on relationships and my sex dreams, I'm gonna go eat something and maybe do my laundry. I hope I do somehting today :) Buh bye.