My Divine Spine
I'm trying to repair the damage to my spine. 30 something years of constant abuse from my father, others and myself. Lots of head traumas, lots of impact body traumas and lots of emotional traumas have left some serious pain in my body. Currently I'm up in my thoracic vertebrae and possibly my cervical vertebrae.
There seems to be trauma connected to my second ribs and my second thoracic vertebrae and some restrictions all the way down to T12. I know there's an injury from when I was about 18 months old where Mom says I fell off the bed. I'm not sure why I don't think she';s telling me the whole truth about this, but I think there was more to it than me just falling off the bed.
I was doing some self diagnostic and I feel very angry about whatever this trauma is. I feel very injured and vulnerable and angry at my mother for something. I feel like... I don't know. I can't figure this out. I have come to accept and heal all the stuff that dad did. His abusive and violent nature has been releasing from me and it feels good. Mom's shit is not letting go as easily. I'm just not sure what's going on, but my therapist and I will be working with this soon.
I have a funny feeling it has to do with my mother's in ability to see me as a human being and as an adult; as someone who is perfectly capable and has always been perfectly capable of healing myself. Yeah I'm gonna get sick,. yeah I'm gonna have bad times. Yeah, I'm gonna eventually die and no one, not even my mother knows when that is gonna be. She always has worried about me and she impressed into my mind that she always will; that I will always be her little "baby" and that she doesn't want to see me get hurt. I don't know how to get her over that. And I can't get her over that. I have to heal myself of her wounds.
The way will be revealed in it's own time. I can't dwell on it. I can't let her emotions rule me. I don't want to accept the idea that right now I hate my mother., I hated my father for years and finally healed all that. Now it's mom's turn. And now it's time to start that healing process.
There seems to be trauma connected to my second ribs and my second thoracic vertebrae and some restrictions all the way down to T12. I know there's an injury from when I was about 18 months old where Mom says I fell off the bed. I'm not sure why I don't think she';s telling me the whole truth about this, but I think there was more to it than me just falling off the bed.
I was doing some self diagnostic and I feel very angry about whatever this trauma is. I feel very injured and vulnerable and angry at my mother for something. I feel like... I don't know. I can't figure this out. I have come to accept and heal all the stuff that dad did. His abusive and violent nature has been releasing from me and it feels good. Mom's shit is not letting go as easily. I'm just not sure what's going on, but my therapist and I will be working with this soon.
I have a funny feeling it has to do with my mother's in ability to see me as a human being and as an adult; as someone who is perfectly capable and has always been perfectly capable of healing myself. Yeah I'm gonna get sick,. yeah I'm gonna have bad times. Yeah, I'm gonna eventually die and no one, not even my mother knows when that is gonna be. She always has worried about me and she impressed into my mind that she always will; that I will always be her little "baby" and that she doesn't want to see me get hurt. I don't know how to get her over that. And I can't get her over that. I have to heal myself of her wounds.
The way will be revealed in it's own time. I can't dwell on it. I can't let her emotions rule me. I don't want to accept the idea that right now I hate my mother., I hated my father for years and finally healed all that. Now it's mom's turn. And now it's time to start that healing process.