Things are shifting.
I've traveled to New Orleans with Anthony. This is one crazy city and we've had a very good time so far. Today is the last day and Anthony is out shopping.
I've come to realize that my body is changing and my life is changing quite a bit. I haven't been journaling in a while; it seems that life has just been busy. And that's a bullshit statement. I'm not that busy and I could be doing so much more with my body and mind.
My diet has been okay, but it could be so much better. I need to lay off the cookies and shit and quit eating out as much as I have been.
I don't exercise at all and my body has been telling me for a while that something has to change. I've got all the equipment I'll ever need and all the information I can use in getting back into shape. I don't need the expensive DVD's from p90x, I don't need anything that the Marines have supposedly designed to get ripped, I don't need a gym, those places are ridiculous. I need motivation and I don't know where that motivation is coming from.
My Craniosacral therapy is going well and each session releases more trauma and brings me close to being comfortable in my body. Lots of crap from my childhood, lots of crap from surgery and malnutrition and abuse of my body by myself and others. I'm becoming more aware of my own boundaries and how the boundaries of others affect me. I'm discovering that I have greater control over my body and my emotions and my life than I ever thought possible. I've been reading a book called "Full Body Presence" which has been hard to process, but very insightful for me.
I've not been living and thriving as much as I've been going along and surviving. I"m working more and more on living and thriving, but I just don't feel like the person I used to be. Trying to heal from the events from DC and from my return to Atlanta and getting so sick and hitting rock bottom.
It wasn't long after I moved back to Atlanta that I met Anthony Canney. January 1st 2007 I asked him if he wanted to date someone in Atlanta and he said yes. We moved in together April of 2007 and it's been a wonderful experience so far. There have been tough times, but that's to be expected.
The sad part is, I don't know if I want to be in a relationship. I actually know...I don't want to be in a relationship right now. It been great having Anthony to cuddle up next to, ti's been great having someone to share my life with, but More and more I feel like I want to be alone.
Alone isn't the right word. On my own without any attachments might be better.
I'm to tired to think right now. I'll ponder this more later.
I've come to realize that my body is changing and my life is changing quite a bit. I haven't been journaling in a while; it seems that life has just been busy. And that's a bullshit statement. I'm not that busy and I could be doing so much more with my body and mind.
My diet has been okay, but it could be so much better. I need to lay off the cookies and shit and quit eating out as much as I have been.
I don't exercise at all and my body has been telling me for a while that something has to change. I've got all the equipment I'll ever need and all the information I can use in getting back into shape. I don't need the expensive DVD's from p90x, I don't need anything that the Marines have supposedly designed to get ripped, I don't need a gym, those places are ridiculous. I need motivation and I don't know where that motivation is coming from.
My Craniosacral therapy is going well and each session releases more trauma and brings me close to being comfortable in my body. Lots of crap from my childhood, lots of crap from surgery and malnutrition and abuse of my body by myself and others. I'm becoming more aware of my own boundaries and how the boundaries of others affect me. I'm discovering that I have greater control over my body and my emotions and my life than I ever thought possible. I've been reading a book called "Full Body Presence" which has been hard to process, but very insightful for me.
I've not been living and thriving as much as I've been going along and surviving. I"m working more and more on living and thriving, but I just don't feel like the person I used to be. Trying to heal from the events from DC and from my return to Atlanta and getting so sick and hitting rock bottom.
It wasn't long after I moved back to Atlanta that I met Anthony Canney. January 1st 2007 I asked him if he wanted to date someone in Atlanta and he said yes. We moved in together April of 2007 and it's been a wonderful experience so far. There have been tough times, but that's to be expected.
The sad part is, I don't know if I want to be in a relationship. I actually know...I don't want to be in a relationship right now. It been great having Anthony to cuddle up next to, ti's been great having someone to share my life with, but More and more I feel like I want to be alone.
Alone isn't the right word. On my own without any attachments might be better.
I'm to tired to think right now. I'll ponder this more later.