(no subject)
The past few months have been about learning how to show love to the people in my life. Especially how to show that love without sex. It's been very nice.
This is something I've needed to learn most of my life. I've never been good at showing my feelings, especially the warm and squishy kind. Many of my friends are the same way and that's probably been part of their appeal. It's much easier to get away with being cold if no one expects or plans to give anything else.
I still almost never tell people I love them, but I have excellent nonverbal communication skills so I'm putting them to use. Sometimes something as simple as some homemade cookies is enough to get the message across. But it's the less obvious things that are amazing me.
People feel loved if I just display the happiness I feel. Whether I'm happy just to be with them or happy because something good has happened for them or because they've done something that actively makes me happy a sincere smile and some eye contact is enough to spread that happiness. I've taken joy in my friends and what they do as long as I can remember but I'm just now learning to share this with them.
Listening is another big one. I'm argumentative and cantankerous but I'm also pretty good at listening to what people are trying to tell me. Those nonverbal skills are wildly helpful here because most people don't give a damn if I agree with them, they just want to feel like I understood them. While I can listen to my friends fairly easily, it's hard for me to connect with people if we're not already close. That's something I'd like to improve.
Touching is the other significant area I've improved. When I was a candidate for the ski patrol touching was an unavoidable part of my training and I hated it -- to the point that it was an inside joke for myself, my classmates, and my instructors. I did not touch other people and I did not want them to touch me. I'm learning to accept it when other touch me and I've even started touching them by my own volition. I'll probably never be described as "touchy-feely" but I can put an arm around someone to express affection. Hell, I can let my fingers touch someone else's when I hand them something.
I didn't set out to make these changes, they've just come up organically. I actually hadn't put it together until tonight. Tomorrow my grandmother and I are going to see her mother and her sister. Every time I see my aunt she asks me when I'm coming down to visit. It was nice to be able to answer with a date instead of just telling her soon. It's not a grand gesture by any means but it's enough.
This is something I've needed to learn most of my life. I've never been good at showing my feelings, especially the warm and squishy kind. Many of my friends are the same way and that's probably been part of their appeal. It's much easier to get away with being cold if no one expects or plans to give anything else.
I still almost never tell people I love them, but I have excellent nonverbal communication skills so I'm putting them to use. Sometimes something as simple as some homemade cookies is enough to get the message across. But it's the less obvious things that are amazing me.
People feel loved if I just display the happiness I feel. Whether I'm happy just to be with them or happy because something good has happened for them or because they've done something that actively makes me happy a sincere smile and some eye contact is enough to spread that happiness. I've taken joy in my friends and what they do as long as I can remember but I'm just now learning to share this with them.
Listening is another big one. I'm argumentative and cantankerous but I'm also pretty good at listening to what people are trying to tell me. Those nonverbal skills are wildly helpful here because most people don't give a damn if I agree with them, they just want to feel like I understood them. While I can listen to my friends fairly easily, it's hard for me to connect with people if we're not already close. That's something I'd like to improve.
Touching is the other significant area I've improved. When I was a candidate for the ski patrol touching was an unavoidable part of my training and I hated it -- to the point that it was an inside joke for myself, my classmates, and my instructors. I did not touch other people and I did not want them to touch me. I'm learning to accept it when other touch me and I've even started touching them by my own volition. I'll probably never be described as "touchy-feely" but I can put an arm around someone to express affection. Hell, I can let my fingers touch someone else's when I hand them something.
I didn't set out to make these changes, they've just come up organically. I actually hadn't put it together until tonight. Tomorrow my grandmother and I are going to see her mother and her sister. Every time I see my aunt she asks me when I'm coming down to visit. It was nice to be able to answer with a date instead of just telling her soon. It's not a grand gesture by any means but it's enough.