SIN LOG : wrath
once in a while you feel a little bloodthirsty and all you can think about is their weak-minded bodies convulsing under the lack of it. having that look of shock and dispair spreading like wildfire over twisted faces hearing their muffled crys from torn throats and a mouth full of that sweet red wine that makes our lives worth living. and what joy must you experience knowing very well that you are the only one there, it had been your fault. that is your knife in your hand and his blood dripping from it. that selfish businessman you had been meaning to kill but never gotten around to it. though love of the kill pushed aside for label.
and as i watched from my seat i realized what i was to them. just a child the quiet girl in the coner. sweet polite and with potential. i am a shadow to them but they dont realize how close they really are with that recognition.
im not a very open person, open-minded, but not open. yes i keep to myself and dont mind the emtpy rooms or silent phones -solitude is not loneliness as the counselor lady had claimed. *sighs* baka.- despite what people may think, i am not one to hold grudges nor am i one to give a damn. cold but caring. my personality contradicts itself. i will not lie when i say that i would kill a man for his treasure but never betray a loved one. and when i say this, i say it out of suffocation. not to be conceited. because i try to be someone im not. its been close to 4 years since i decided to destroy who i was and start anew. what i didnt know was that a person can not, not without all the conflicting problems.
and that is what im here to settle. i write this not for you but for my own conscience.
ive seen more than i would prefer of the disgusting reality of humanity. i am not complaining nor am i saying i know more or been through more, i know there are far worse lives than mine.
but someone asked me once what happened to make me this way, i just smiled and told them it was nothing more than a simple change. but to tell the truth it was the biggest change id ever made myself go through with. at one point talking with addy i told her about kascey, about taij, about something i thought was a big deal, but never about me cause i made it a point to hide. i never mentioned those people who despised me because i took what they had, i never said anything about those i saw suffer and those i watched die. no, i didnt kill them, i never killed anyone, but a few died at my feet. i had a craving for blood i couldnt control so i made it a point never to shed it. i had a passive hatred for the world, an indifference for their rules, caring less whether i was bound by those rules or not. i was only in the city a few years on and off. my friends were there, i loved to be there. but if could be what i was there, here. i would be content.
and it would make all the difference
if im cold towards you then you arnt worth my time, but if i give you my attempt at advice when you need it, then there stands a place for my commitment
and as i watched from my seat i realized what i was to them. just a child the quiet girl in the coner. sweet polite and with potential. i am a shadow to them but they dont realize how close they really are with that recognition.
im not a very open person, open-minded, but not open. yes i keep to myself and dont mind the emtpy rooms or silent phones -solitude is not loneliness as the counselor lady had claimed. *sighs* baka.- despite what people may think, i am not one to hold grudges nor am i one to give a damn. cold but caring. my personality contradicts itself. i will not lie when i say that i would kill a man for his treasure but never betray a loved one. and when i say this, i say it out of suffocation. not to be conceited. because i try to be someone im not. its been close to 4 years since i decided to destroy who i was and start anew. what i didnt know was that a person can not, not without all the conflicting problems.
and that is what im here to settle. i write this not for you but for my own conscience.
ive seen more than i would prefer of the disgusting reality of humanity. i am not complaining nor am i saying i know more or been through more, i know there are far worse lives than mine.
but someone asked me once what happened to make me this way, i just smiled and told them it was nothing more than a simple change. but to tell the truth it was the biggest change id ever made myself go through with. at one point talking with addy i told her about kascey, about taij, about something i thought was a big deal, but never about me cause i made it a point to hide. i never mentioned those people who despised me because i took what they had, i never said anything about those i saw suffer and those i watched die. no, i didnt kill them, i never killed anyone, but a few died at my feet. i had a craving for blood i couldnt control so i made it a point never to shed it. i had a passive hatred for the world, an indifference for their rules, caring less whether i was bound by those rules or not. i was only in the city a few years on and off. my friends were there, i loved to be there. but if could be what i was there, here. i would be content.
and it would make all the difference
if im cold towards you then you arnt worth my time, but if i give you my attempt at advice when you need it, then there stands a place for my commitment