of Sirius-care
I got fed up with Bella lying to me.
I hate lying. Truly and utterly.
As I've said so many times; brutal honesty is my thing. I absolutely fucking love it when people are completely honest with me. No matter how much it might hurt at that moment I rather have that than anything else. It helps me to know where I stand with people - because that's one of my biggest struggles and I always feel awfully insecure about what people want from me and how they see me and what they think of our relationship and so on and so forth.
I don't lie. Ever. I'm not a saint, certainly not. I'm a pretty bad person *lopsided smile* I avoid topics, I don't tell all the facts, I even tell things in a way sometimes that makes a person think a certain way even though that's not exactly how it went down. But I never outright lie. I stopped that at 13. I had a true problem with lying before that (read; mythomaniac) so when I turned my life around at 13 I decided to stop.
So now I'm an expert at dancing around the truth but I don't lie.
Bella is lying to me. Straight up in my face.
I don't like that.
It's pretty cold outside these days (let's say the average temperature is around -5°C (that's 23°F?)). That means I can't really take Sirius for really long walks. Because he gets really cold, and then his paws starts to freeze up and he starts to limp or he just gets generally cold and stuff (the poor guy barely has any fur and he certainly has no body fat to keep him warm... A jacket and moving fast just isn't enough for a really long walk).
So since he can't get any really long walks he needs to go out more often instead on shorter ones.
A usual work day for me takes 5 hours away from home (meaning from I leave my home to catch the train until I'm walking in the door again).
Normally I can leave Sirius completely alone for that time without feeling too horrible (I obviously don't like leaving him alone for even a second and I don't really recommend to leave a dog for more than maximum four hours but I can accept up to six hours if it's really neccessary).
This hasn't really been a problem though since Bella doesn't work too often and when she works she usually works evenings - usually at times that makes us practically meet in the door when I'm coming home from work and she's leaving (meaning Sirius doesn't have to be alone at all).
But now with the cold Sirius needs to go out at at least one point in the middle of the day. He just needs a chance to go outside and do his business so he can keep it together until I get home.
That takes what? Five minutes?
Bella always promise to take him out a quickie like that when I leave for work.
But when I come home I notice things like Sirius's jacket and lead sitting in the exact same position that I left them in, sometimes Sirius is absolutely desperate to get out when I come home. Things like that. So I know she's been lying a lot of the times and hasn't bothered to take him out for five friggin' minutes!
It's completely and utterly useless to try to put her against the wall about it too. She denies it completely (despite proof; she comes up with something (like; oh I forgot the lead and jacket inside! we were so quick that I figured I didn't need them)) and just becomes angry and starts throwing stones in her usual pointless way.
Today I just got fed up though.
I was late this morning and didn't have time to take him out properly at all - so Bella promised up and down that she would take him out for me since it was extra important today.
I noticed when I walked outside the house that there were no pawprints in the snow except the ones Sirius left this morning when I took him out (at three or so in the morning before I really tried to sleep again) and when I came inside he just said a quick hello before throwing himself at the door, begging me to let him out. So I took him out and he did his thing right outside the door. Not kidding. I've never seen him that desperate.
So it's very very obvious that she didn't take him out.
I didn't point that out to her though. When I came in I simply said something along the line of that it was lucky I took him out immediately since he was so desperate and went just outside the door and stuff.
She just went 'oh that's strange, I took him just after you left'.
Lying. Right to my face.
So I'm not leaving him with her anymore.
Tomorrow I'm taking him over to mum and leave him with her while I'm at work. Doesn't matter that I have to go up a bit earlier to walk him over there and stuff, I can't leave him with someone I can't trust with him.
Mum adores Sirius, she absolutely loves him and I really trust her with him (actually, if something happens to me he's going to her - it's in my will and everything). She tells me all the time how much she misses not having him living with her anymore (we lived with her a year in London remember? *smile*) and she has said several times that I can leave him with her when I'm at work if Bella is not home or now when she's moving.
So I'm starting that tomorrow.
I just.... really hate the lying you know? I would be okay with things if she was just honest with me and told that 'sorry I always forget' or 'I actually don't have the time/energy to take him out'. That would have been okay! I could have started to leave him with mum a long time ago, no big deal!
It's totally forgiveable to forget - usually he's quite okay as long as I take him out immediately when I get home.
But today he was shut in for more than 12 hours (since I didn't have time to walk him before I left. I took him out around three in the morning since I was awake anyway and then I was home later than usual after work too)! That is not okay! Not at all!
She promised. She knew it was extra important today. And she just disregarded him anyway. And then lied to me about it.
I really don't feel okay about that.
I hate lying. Truly and utterly.
As I've said so many times; brutal honesty is my thing. I absolutely fucking love it when people are completely honest with me. No matter how much it might hurt at that moment I rather have that than anything else. It helps me to know where I stand with people - because that's one of my biggest struggles and I always feel awfully insecure about what people want from me and how they see me and what they think of our relationship and so on and so forth.
I don't lie. Ever. I'm not a saint, certainly not. I'm a pretty bad person *lopsided smile* I avoid topics, I don't tell all the facts, I even tell things in a way sometimes that makes a person think a certain way even though that's not exactly how it went down. But I never outright lie. I stopped that at 13. I had a true problem with lying before that (read; mythomaniac) so when I turned my life around at 13 I decided to stop.
So now I'm an expert at dancing around the truth but I don't lie.
Bella is lying to me. Straight up in my face.
I don't like that.
It's pretty cold outside these days (let's say the average temperature is around -5°C (that's 23°F?)). That means I can't really take Sirius for really long walks. Because he gets really cold, and then his paws starts to freeze up and he starts to limp or he just gets generally cold and stuff (the poor guy barely has any fur and he certainly has no body fat to keep him warm... A jacket and moving fast just isn't enough for a really long walk).
So since he can't get any really long walks he needs to go out more often instead on shorter ones.
A usual work day for me takes 5 hours away from home (meaning from I leave my home to catch the train until I'm walking in the door again).
Normally I can leave Sirius completely alone for that time without feeling too horrible (I obviously don't like leaving him alone for even a second and I don't really recommend to leave a dog for more than maximum four hours but I can accept up to six hours if it's really neccessary).
This hasn't really been a problem though since Bella doesn't work too often and when she works she usually works evenings - usually at times that makes us practically meet in the door when I'm coming home from work and she's leaving (meaning Sirius doesn't have to be alone at all).
But now with the cold Sirius needs to go out at at least one point in the middle of the day. He just needs a chance to go outside and do his business so he can keep it together until I get home.
That takes what? Five minutes?
Bella always promise to take him out a quickie like that when I leave for work.
But when I come home I notice things like Sirius's jacket and lead sitting in the exact same position that I left them in, sometimes Sirius is absolutely desperate to get out when I come home. Things like that. So I know she's been lying a lot of the times and hasn't bothered to take him out for five friggin' minutes!
It's completely and utterly useless to try to put her against the wall about it too. She denies it completely (despite proof; she comes up with something (like; oh I forgot the lead and jacket inside! we were so quick that I figured I didn't need them)) and just becomes angry and starts throwing stones in her usual pointless way.
Today I just got fed up though.
I was late this morning and didn't have time to take him out properly at all - so Bella promised up and down that she would take him out for me since it was extra important today.
I noticed when I walked outside the house that there were no pawprints in the snow except the ones Sirius left this morning when I took him out (at three or so in the morning before I really tried to sleep again) and when I came inside he just said a quick hello before throwing himself at the door, begging me to let him out. So I took him out and he did his thing right outside the door. Not kidding. I've never seen him that desperate.
So it's very very obvious that she didn't take him out.
I didn't point that out to her though. When I came in I simply said something along the line of that it was lucky I took him out immediately since he was so desperate and went just outside the door and stuff.
She just went 'oh that's strange, I took him just after you left'.
Lying. Right to my face.
So I'm not leaving him with her anymore.
Tomorrow I'm taking him over to mum and leave him with her while I'm at work. Doesn't matter that I have to go up a bit earlier to walk him over there and stuff, I can't leave him with someone I can't trust with him.
Mum adores Sirius, she absolutely loves him and I really trust her with him (actually, if something happens to me he's going to her - it's in my will and everything). She tells me all the time how much she misses not having him living with her anymore (we lived with her a year in London remember? *smile*) and she has said several times that I can leave him with her when I'm at work if Bella is not home or now when she's moving.
So I'm starting that tomorrow.
I just.... really hate the lying you know? I would be okay with things if she was just honest with me and told that 'sorry I always forget' or 'I actually don't have the time/energy to take him out'. That would have been okay! I could have started to leave him with mum a long time ago, no big deal!
It's totally forgiveable to forget - usually he's quite okay as long as I take him out immediately when I get home.
But today he was shut in for more than 12 hours (since I didn't have time to walk him before I left. I took him out around three in the morning since I was awake anyway and then I was home later than usual after work too)! That is not okay! Not at all!
She promised. She knew it was extra important today. And she just disregarded him anyway. And then lied to me about it.
I really don't feel okay about that.