of christmas this year
Okay so... Went to christmas lunch at mum's house.
We have done dinner in the past but... *shrugs* It's not like it matters that much.
So we ate swedish christmas food. It was just me, Bella, the mum-family (mum, stepfather and little brother Albin), my big brother and then my maternal grandmother (the one I don't get along with... >.> ).
Eating went well. We sat for a long time and after we had tea and coffee and just... yeah.
And then 15.00 the Donald Duck-thingie came up on TV. I don't know if this happens in other countries *chuckle* but in sweden there is this disney-thingie with little scenes from a bunch of films that goes at the same time every christmas. It's the very [exactly] same program every year. The only thing that changes is that there is a prequel to the next upcoming disney film. Anyway - almost all swedish families with kids watch this every christmas (even though they can quote the whole damn thing! XD It's been going for like... 40 years or something XDXD I'm not kidding!) and then traditionally santa claus comes around almost as soon as Donald Duck is finished...
Me, mum and my big brother walked the dogs for a bit while the others watched TV (I've seent he thing my whole life *chuckle* I'm okay with not seeing it very year anymore) and we came back and watched the end and stuff.
No santa claus this year since we didn't have any smaller children around. Instead the presents were just gonna be simply handed over.
A few weeks ago I made it clear to mum that I was coming to eat the food and then I was going to leave because I didn't want to do the present thing.
When we were eating my sister asked me to stay until the TV-thing finished at least. Since it's tradition to watch it and the gifts weren't coming until after anyway.
Mum said something like 'but couldn't you stay for presents?' and I once again reminded her that I said long ago I wans't going to do that. 'I hoped you had forgotten that' she said. Not unkindly though, just a tiny bit disappointed *small smile*
Albin got a little bit upset when he realised I wasn't going to stick around for presents.
This year he had been going to the shopping centre all by himself and gotten gifts for everyone with his own money. This is a total first for him so he was super proud about it and all. So I understand that he was a bit sad that I wasn't sticking around for his giftgiving.
He handed me the gift before though (I didn't open it but thanked him and yeah...).
When the TV-thing was done he seemed pretty all right with the whole thing. He said "it's time for presents! goodbye [Dragonwolf]!"
Mum said something about giving me the gifts tomorrow instead.
I figured they kind of missed the whole point and wanted to just delay the anxiety for me (not on purpose... they just didn't get it).
I aksed them if they please could (if they now had insisted on getting me gifts even though I had asked them so many times not to) send those gifts home with Bella after instead. I would appreciate that.
This is where my grandmother came in with her high-and-mighty attitude (because the voice and body language she uses when saying things like this is not nice) and said that 'no you should stick around and do this with the rest of us'. She sort of implied that I was a horrible person and stuff *wrinkles nose*
I said simply that I had already said weeks ago that I wasn't going to do the presents-thing and that this was nothing personal against them or anything. This is about my anxiety issues and the fact that I've come so far that I can take this step... well they should be happy for me.
"But you're hurting our feelings." My grandmother whined loudly (seriously? You're a grown-up!)
And! My mum totally stood up for me and supported me.
"You're not hurting MY feelings. Go on and leave [Dragonwolf], it's okay!"
Although when Albin had heard our grandmother say that he was sort of kickstarted into disappointment. He was really really upset and almost crying because he wanted to give me my present and watch me open it and stuff.
I already had shoes and jacket and stuff on by then (even Sirius was dressed and ready) so I just... didn't stick around for the drama. It sounded like mum was trying to calm Albin when I walked out the door.
I feel kind of horrible for Albin. I don't exactly feel like the best older sibling in the world but... really... I couldn't stick around and open only his gift because I would have been dragged into the whole things and just!... *sigh* Yeah...
I'll really try to make it up for him later somehow.
Otherwise?
I'm proud of myself. I walked out from that pit of negative drama. And I really hope that now when I put my foot down this year they will finally start to get it (because apparently it doesn't matter what I've said for quite a few years, so I'm hoping for better results by showing them as well as telling them).
But yeah I walked away! Go me!
My mum was amazing! I send her a text thanking her and I will really thank her tomorrow when we're going there for brittish christmas dinner.
Bella was more silent support but she pep-talked me before we walked in and stuff too.
I know I will keep feeling bad about Albin until I've made it up to him somehow but this time I just... sometimes I have to put myself first.
I'm really annoyed at my grandmother for setting him off though. He had come to terms with it before she was trying to lecture me!
I mean... I'm 25. It's not like I made this decision to be all bratty and rude. I obviously have my reasons. And the rest of the family accepted it! But noooo. She always have to play matriarch (she's totally not btw *rolls eyes*) and try to boss everyone around and stuff. She always have to have her way and everyone else should just bend to her rules (even the times when they're completely unlogical and stupid - which they are quite often actually...). I mean this is one of the biggest reasons why no one in the family likes her!
But yeah... She should have just let it lie. And she should definitely know better than to try to make me do anything considering I've never listened to her my whole life. *sigh* (which is kinda why she doesn't like me *lips twitch into a smile*)
Okay! Yeah! I did it!
My talkperson is going to be so proud of me XD
We have done dinner in the past but... *shrugs* It's not like it matters that much.
So we ate swedish christmas food. It was just me, Bella, the mum-family (mum, stepfather and little brother Albin), my big brother and then my maternal grandmother (the one I don't get along with... >.> ).
Eating went well. We sat for a long time and after we had tea and coffee and just... yeah.
And then 15.00 the Donald Duck-thingie came up on TV. I don't know if this happens in other countries *chuckle* but in sweden there is this disney-thingie with little scenes from a bunch of films that goes at the same time every christmas. It's the very [exactly] same program every year. The only thing that changes is that there is a prequel to the next upcoming disney film. Anyway - almost all swedish families with kids watch this every christmas (even though they can quote the whole damn thing! XD It's been going for like... 40 years or something XDXD I'm not kidding!) and then traditionally santa claus comes around almost as soon as Donald Duck is finished...
Me, mum and my big brother walked the dogs for a bit while the others watched TV (I've seent he thing my whole life *chuckle* I'm okay with not seeing it very year anymore) and we came back and watched the end and stuff.
No santa claus this year since we didn't have any smaller children around. Instead the presents were just gonna be simply handed over.
A few weeks ago I made it clear to mum that I was coming to eat the food and then I was going to leave because I didn't want to do the present thing.
When we were eating my sister asked me to stay until the TV-thing finished at least. Since it's tradition to watch it and the gifts weren't coming until after anyway.
Mum said something like 'but couldn't you stay for presents?' and I once again reminded her that I said long ago I wans't going to do that. 'I hoped you had forgotten that' she said. Not unkindly though, just a tiny bit disappointed *small smile*
Albin got a little bit upset when he realised I wasn't going to stick around for presents.
This year he had been going to the shopping centre all by himself and gotten gifts for everyone with his own money. This is a total first for him so he was super proud about it and all. So I understand that he was a bit sad that I wasn't sticking around for his giftgiving.
He handed me the gift before though (I didn't open it but thanked him and yeah...).
When the TV-thing was done he seemed pretty all right with the whole thing. He said "it's time for presents! goodbye [Dragonwolf]!"
Mum said something about giving me the gifts tomorrow instead.
I figured they kind of missed the whole point and wanted to just delay the anxiety for me (not on purpose... they just didn't get it).
I aksed them if they please could (if they now had insisted on getting me gifts even though I had asked them so many times not to) send those gifts home with Bella after instead. I would appreciate that.
This is where my grandmother came in with her high-and-mighty attitude (because the voice and body language she uses when saying things like this is not nice) and said that 'no you should stick around and do this with the rest of us'. She sort of implied that I was a horrible person and stuff *wrinkles nose*
I said simply that I had already said weeks ago that I wasn't going to do the presents-thing and that this was nothing personal against them or anything. This is about my anxiety issues and the fact that I've come so far that I can take this step... well they should be happy for me.
"But you're hurting our feelings." My grandmother whined loudly (seriously? You're a grown-up!)
And! My mum totally stood up for me and supported me.
"You're not hurting MY feelings. Go on and leave [Dragonwolf], it's okay!"
Although when Albin had heard our grandmother say that he was sort of kickstarted into disappointment. He was really really upset and almost crying because he wanted to give me my present and watch me open it and stuff.
I already had shoes and jacket and stuff on by then (even Sirius was dressed and ready) so I just... didn't stick around for the drama. It sounded like mum was trying to calm Albin when I walked out the door.
I feel kind of horrible for Albin. I don't exactly feel like the best older sibling in the world but... really... I couldn't stick around and open only his gift because I would have been dragged into the whole things and just!... *sigh* Yeah...
I'll really try to make it up for him later somehow.
Otherwise?
I'm proud of myself. I walked out from that pit of negative drama. And I really hope that now when I put my foot down this year they will finally start to get it (because apparently it doesn't matter what I've said for quite a few years, so I'm hoping for better results by showing them as well as telling them).
But yeah I walked away! Go me!
My mum was amazing! I send her a text thanking her and I will really thank her tomorrow when we're going there for brittish christmas dinner.
Bella was more silent support but she pep-talked me before we walked in and stuff too.
I know I will keep feeling bad about Albin until I've made it up to him somehow but this time I just... sometimes I have to put myself first.
I'm really annoyed at my grandmother for setting him off though. He had come to terms with it before she was trying to lecture me!
I mean... I'm 25. It's not like I made this decision to be all bratty and rude. I obviously have my reasons. And the rest of the family accepted it! But noooo. She always have to play matriarch (she's totally not btw *rolls eyes*) and try to boss everyone around and stuff. She always have to have her way and everyone else should just bend to her rules (even the times when they're completely unlogical and stupid - which they are quite often actually...). I mean this is one of the biggest reasons why no one in the family likes her!
But yeah... She should have just let it lie. And she should definitely know better than to try to make me do anything considering I've never listened to her my whole life. *sigh* (which is kinda why she doesn't like me *lips twitch into a smile*)
Okay! Yeah! I did it!
My talkperson is going to be so proud of me XD