of bad days
Like I just said in C's journal - I've had an awful day that I don't feel I can talk about without having a panic and/or anxiety attack... which I'm trying to spare my sister from since I'll forever feel bad about the one time I out her through one (I can't remember if I ever wrote about that but she found me hyperventilating and carving prety deep into my own leg and she had to call this phone-thing for insane (okay not really but you get what I mean) people and they had to come over and give me small neon pink pills that calmed me down and it was pretty awful and I'm still not sure how Bella really felt/feels about that episode but I'm pretty sure I kind of freaked her out because I'm a mess that does everything wrong - which brings me back to today's problems which I still feel very anxious and panicky about so I'm gonna drop that right now)...
Instead I'm not-sleeping and instead hunting around for some of the authors I like to see what their next releases are (and what the chances are for those to come out in audioform so I can actually "read" them since I can't actually read) or listening to easy audiobooks that is not angsty or crave my concentration too much (thank you cardeno c for writing things so fluffy I can't stand it at times! (but that is good today) and thank you Mary Calmes (even though you're totally a guilty pleasure of mine because you're not really that good and you totally need a better editor (that's what you get for sticking with dreamspinner press! although I guess your kind of "flavour" in writing is right up their alley... yeah... you're a very typical dreamspinnerpress-er actually so that kind of makes sense, you kind of deserve each other - but somehow I still like your books on days like this! Even though they're kinda bad but likeable nontheless! And I totally have issues with liking them but at the same time I'm kind of okay with it... especially those times when dreamspinner press has managed to pick out a good narrator for them, which is not always... but that's kind of how they are (I should totally make an own entry about all this because this is getting kind of ridicilous >.> *facepalm*)))). (sorry you guys that are my "actual" favourite authors... I need to listen to some kinda trash today *small smile*)
Now I'm gonna go put my favourita puzzle together while listening to one of said audiobooks. That's my favourite form of meditation.
Instead I'm not-sleeping and instead hunting around for some of the authors I like to see what their next releases are (and what the chances are for those to come out in audioform so I can actually "read" them since I can't actually read) or listening to easy audiobooks that is not angsty or crave my concentration too much (thank you cardeno c for writing things so fluffy I can't stand it at times! (but that is good today) and thank you Mary Calmes (even though you're totally a guilty pleasure of mine because you're not really that good and you totally need a better editor (that's what you get for sticking with dreamspinner press! although I guess your kind of "flavour" in writing is right up their alley... yeah... you're a very typical dreamspinnerpress-er actually so that kind of makes sense, you kind of deserve each other - but somehow I still like your books on days like this! Even though they're kinda bad but likeable nontheless! And I totally have issues with liking them but at the same time I'm kind of okay with it... especially those times when dreamspinner press has managed to pick out a good narrator for them, which is not always... but that's kind of how they are (I should totally make an own entry about all this because this is getting kind of ridicilous >.> *facepalm*)))). (sorry you guys that are my "actual" favourite authors... I need to listen to some kinda trash today *small smile*)
Now I'm gonna go put my favourita puzzle together while listening to one of said audiobooks. That's my favourite form of meditation.