Thank GOD the mystery is finally solved!!!
So ... I was told something tonight about a very hard point in my life - I found out the real reason that this horrible thing happened to me. I can finally close the book and put it away. Granted, I will always look back on that time with bitter and hurt feelings. But what makes me angry is that this person that did this to me, made me go to everyone else and blame them. She made me blame people that were on my side. I went to her for compassion. She told me, "Oh ... I think it's horrible. I am so sorry. Fuck him for doing that to you. What was he thinking?" You know what? Fuck YOU. Fuck you for lying to my face. Fuck you for bringing my confidence down to un unimaginable level. Fuck you for making me feel that I had to change my future plans. Fuck you for humiliating me. Fuck you for ripping my heart out of my chest and throwing it on the floor and spitting on it. Fuck you for your selfishness. Fuck you for making my senior year of high school miserable. Fuck you for making the only thing that makes me happy feel wrong.
Did she not realize that I LOVE what I want to do for the rest of my life? That I don't have passion like this for anything else? That nothing else makes me happy? I guess she wouldn't realize this. Because crazy people can't think rationally. Crazy people can see what's real. And what's real is my love and passion for music and theatre. Thank god I am at a place in my life now where I don't have to worry about shit like this anymore. I think I can say my confidence is back where it used to be. I think I can finally say that I have something to offer. She brought me down to my lowest level, and never again will I call her a friend. But at least now I know the truth, and I can finally move on for good. To everyone I attacked - I am so sorry. And to those who came clean, thank you.
It feels so good to know.
Did she not realize that I LOVE what I want to do for the rest of my life? That I don't have passion like this for anything else? That nothing else makes me happy? I guess she wouldn't realize this. Because crazy people can't think rationally. Crazy people can see what's real. And what's real is my love and passion for music and theatre. Thank god I am at a place in my life now where I don't have to worry about shit like this anymore. I think I can say my confidence is back where it used to be. I think I can finally say that I have something to offer. She brought me down to my lowest level, and never again will I call her a friend. But at least now I know the truth, and I can finally move on for good. To everyone I attacked - I am so sorry. And to those who came clean, thank you.
It feels so good to know.