Skip and twist in zerospace
Dear People Who Broke Into My Car,
Thank you for shattering the driver's side window. Thank you for stealing my CD player. Thank you for stealing Rilo Kiley's The Execution of All Things, and leaving everything else alone. Thanks for grabbing my cell phone charger, too, I'm sure you really need a three-year old phone charger. Thank you for rifling through my glove compartment (I've been meaning to go through and clean it up anyway). Thank you for making me three hours late to work, while I deal with the police, neighbors, and insurance company.
If I ever see you, I'm going to throw you in a Ranger chokehold so fast, you'll be vomiting your testicles right before I stab you through the mouth with my K-Bar. Perhaps I'll use the garotte wire inside, just because I always wanted to use it.
-Matt
Dear God,
Thank you for giving me good neighbors who called the police as soon as they heard broken glass. Thank you for making the thieving assholes so inept, that they plowed through a barricade at 40 mph and fucked the front end of their car up. Thank you for making them smash into the second squad car that reported to the scene; it pissed the cops off, and gave them time to pull the plates. Thanks for having police who quickly traced the car and address, since so many of these things go unsolved.
Above all, thank you for making me realize (once the wolf-howl violence in my veins subsided) that if paying $200 for a new window and not being able to listen to music while driving until I decide to buy a new deck is the worst thing ever right now, that my life isn't bad at all.
Love,
Matt
Thank you for shattering the driver's side window. Thank you for stealing my CD player. Thank you for stealing Rilo Kiley's The Execution of All Things, and leaving everything else alone. Thanks for grabbing my cell phone charger, too, I'm sure you really need a three-year old phone charger. Thank you for rifling through my glove compartment (I've been meaning to go through and clean it up anyway). Thank you for making me three hours late to work, while I deal with the police, neighbors, and insurance company.
If I ever see you, I'm going to throw you in a Ranger chokehold so fast, you'll be vomiting your testicles right before I stab you through the mouth with my K-Bar. Perhaps I'll use the garotte wire inside, just because I always wanted to use it.
-Matt
Dear God,
Thank you for giving me good neighbors who called the police as soon as they heard broken glass. Thank you for making the thieving assholes so inept, that they plowed through a barricade at 40 mph and fucked the front end of their car up. Thank you for making them smash into the second squad car that reported to the scene; it pissed the cops off, and gave them time to pull the plates. Thanks for having police who quickly traced the car and address, since so many of these things go unsolved.
Above all, thank you for making me realize (once the wolf-howl violence in my veins subsided) that if paying $200 for a new window and not being able to listen to music while driving until I decide to buy a new deck is the worst thing ever right now, that my life isn't bad at all.
Love,
Matt