(no subject)
i cant imagine or understand why someone would hurt someone that the love. i cant imagine or understand why i would hurt someone that i love. ive made a lot of mistakes in my life but nothing will ever top this. i literally feel sick to my stomach all the time. i cant get hungry and when i try to make myself eat i end up throwing up. not intentionally i just cant hold it down. theres nothing i can say or do to ever change everything that happened. all i know is that this is the worst i have ever felt in my life. nothing else in the world really matters to me right now. and im trying so hard to stay strong and not cry to make it easier on myself and the more that i hold it in the more it really hurts. i know what i did was wrong. i know that feelings change. i know people change. but you dont ruin something amazing and hurt someone over a gut feeling that they dont care anymore. and as hard as i try everyday gets harder and harder to live with this, with out you. i hear and see your name everywhere, hear all the songs that we use to listen together...even the song we named as our own because it just so happened to be both of our favorite song, im constantly see adds for the game you got me addicted to and would always say 'one more mission' before you came to bed. and now my heart breaks everytime i talk to you and think about you or see/hear something that remind me of you. and as of right now im shaking and trying so hard not to cry cause i messed up the one thing that was most important to you. i dont deserve to have any happiness in my life after what ive done. you never deserved any of what i did to you. i started writing this before you wrote me. now i cant finish it. everyday i feel worse and worse for what i did and nothing will ever change that. i am offically empty.