update time
so alot has changed for the positive.. first..im not moving in the fall..still here biatches..it will be spring when i move so im happy..though im anxious to start a new life..patience i have grown to have and there are reasons for everything..me and erin are past our drama along time ago.. when we see face to face ill have to explain that i was stupid and hot headed and that ive grown up and that im sorry..but she knows and i have missed her alot..i miss katie alot too..she was around town this past weekend but i havent heard from her so i didnt stick arond cause i didnt want it to be awkward for i dont know if she still has anomosity for me.. anyways we all make mistakes and when one acknowledges them and makes a right from a wrong..arent i the bigger person from that now? i have stopped drinking and smoking bud.. i dont miss it because my writers block has vanished and i write constantly and read nonstop.. when i visited my future home, it woke my ass up.. and motivated me to stop beign the damn dreamer ive always known me to be and make certain goals reality..and im sticking to it.. after a year i can go to the community college in NC. and i will take business marketing and get a feel for the vibe in uptown..cause i want a music lounge but i know i will have to start my business small..so i will have my own coffee shop.. makes sense.. i cant do anything else but have my own place where u can relax, gossip, write, read..and when i have my music lounge..local artists can go up to the mic and sing or recite what they write.. i dont want to be a teacher and i dont want to be an author who feels a bit pressured to write a bestseller..i just write..for me...period..so that is my dream that will be my futures near someday friends of mine.. i have put closure to those that i needed closure with..like my first love and Krys.. i poured my heart out to krys and it felt thereputic..now he knows how i feel and that is that..as for nick..that talk has somewaht happened and knowing him, hell pull the i loved u more than any of my other gfs etc when im about to move and try to break my heart again..but when i vent to him, thats all i need.. everyones lives are changing this year its crazy but in a great way..mine..those who have kids now..sammy..elliot..erin and kenny who are going to have a baby..and my friends jess and chris who are expecting..this is what happens when u get older.. u go on your paths.. i know why i was so down alot? all these years i didnt realize i had such a free spirit trapped within my own walls of self doubt, insecurities..paranoia of something bad happening when taking a chance.. finally that spirit got through my thick skull and im not afraid anymore.. i smile inside out.. and i have to laugh on how foolish and immature i have been..