Robin hood and his merry band of inspector rex aka rhamboir
The next few installments of one grand crossover fic.
Robin jumped down from his favourite tree and whistled to start the day. A rustle behind him made him jump in his usual sprightly way and he turned to see his best friend, for a dog is always that, bounding towards him.
“Rex!” he called out, pleasantly surprised.
“Woof,” replied Rex equally pleased but not so surprised. He’s never surprised. By anything.
“It’s so good to see you, Rex. Where were you last night? What are you up to?” asked Robin as he bent to ruffle Rex’s dark luxurious coat. Robin often wondered why Rex never told him anything anymore.
The dog made a noise that sounded all too like a whine and Robin nodded thoughtfully. He’d heard that noise more and more frequently as of late and he recognized it from his earlier days of working with Inspector Rex - or Kommisar Rex as it is in the German - and he knew it meant Rex wouldn’t be very forthcoming. Silently the outlaw mused on the misfortune of dog’s not being able to talk but how Rex was exceptionally good at expressing his mind which in the situation he ironically declined to do.
“Well, we better go find Marion and see what’s up in the hood. Err… forest,” Robin amended when Rex growled at his sloppy pun.
Upon arriving at Maid Marion’s family lodge Rex let out a deep yap and made for the second storey window that Robin had often waited under for the body of his affection. Many would be disadvantaged by a lack of hands which are very handy to use when climbing as Robin well knew, having used them himself to reach Marion’s window. But the dog had smarts and the litheness of an elf in springtime.
Robin smiled to himself as Rex leaped onto the cart that had been conveniently left next to the straw roof of the first level. The cart had halved the height of the distance Rex had to jump to make it onto the roof and the dog made an impossible jump, scuttling the last part onto the straw before leaning over the edge to bark at Robin who was still watching with a smile on his face.
“Woof,” said Rex rather rudely once again, when Robin had found the usual footholds on the side of the stone building that was historically inaccurately shaped. The dog clearly had an issue with the way Robin was constantly smiling in a smug manner.
Robin shushed him thinking that Rex had very likely ruined their plan to surprise Marion with their presence. The dog must have thought it was a pretty dumb idea in the first place for he continued to bark as Robin began to climb up the wall.
“Woof, woof,” Rex barked, his whole head moving with the force of his noise and Robin frowned as he sprayed the stone by his mouth with a loud “shhhhh!”
Rex was looking down from above him now, barking and whining as Robin moved up the wall eagerly to his dog partner. “Rex!?” he called out confused by the strange behaviour of the police dog. He lifted his leg, close to the roof now and his foot slipped from the wall, having rested on an unstable rock wedged into the poorly applied (as it usually was in those days) grout.
Rex let out the loudest “WOOF!” and Robin’s eyes widened in shock as his entire grip on the wall seemed to loosen. He reached out to the roof again, hoping to catch the straw and steady himself but his foot slipped again! Rex positioned himself solidly in the straw and bent his head over the edge, catching Robin’s tightly sewn sleeve and begun to tug him up. A moment later, after an excellent display of their teamwork and Rex’s super dog strength, Robin collapsed next to his friend on the straw.
Both panting hard from the adrenaline rush and exertion, they took a moment to recover, Robin with an arm over his face and Rex with his long pink tongue hanging out of his mouth.
“Good work, Rex” Robin finally said after getting his heartbeat to drop to a safe average of seventy beats per minute. Rex moved closer and let his hands drop to the dog’s fur and gave him a thankful rub, more proud than ever of his helpful friend.
A minute of staring into each other’s chocolate dark eyes soon turned into two and Robin wondered why he ever doubted Rex would ever be less of a friend than he was. The moment was broken when a female voice called out, “Robin!”
The owner of the name sat up to find Marion leaning out of her window clad in an obscene and irrationally orange dress under her even more inappropriate camo-print pinafore with a look of concern covering her face.
“Oh, we just-” Robin stopped his explanation as the usually indifferent woman climbed out of the window and rushed across the roof towards him.
“Rex!” she cried falling beside the dog and hugging him as Robin watched on with a pang of illogical jealousy in his chest. Rex was just a dog! “Are you alright, oh whatever happened?” finally Marion turned to Robin with questioning eyes, evidently expecting him to finish explaining as she held or rather smothered Rex with her embrace.
“Never mind,” said Robin with his handsome brows raised, “I can see you’re busy…”
“Humans!” thought Rex as he rolled his eyes in the insulting way that only trained dogs can. Rex began his ever-present internal debate as to which was infinitely more important-emotional intelligence or IQ. Robin and Marion seemed to have neither, and so were unlikely candidates to help form his hypothesis.
Rex looked on innocently as the two awkwardly exchanged broken sentences. It was early in their relationship, and Rex thought it only slightly plausible that it would continue much longer. Oh look, he was right again!
“Robin, I don’t think we should see each other any more,” a nervous, yet decidedly confident Marion remarked.
“But we work together…we have to see each other…” Robin rebutted.
“I mean outside the workplace,” Marion confirmed.
“Oh,” Robin was obviously heartbroken. They had dated for a whole few days.
Rex knew he had to help Marion get through this tough stage, so he begrudgingly let her bury her face in his fur. Robin was doing the manly, emotionless thing again, turning into the sunrise and striking an heroic pose for the benefit of any possible onlookers. Rex saw him feel for the reassuring bow and arrow slung over his shoulder. It seemed he could never be emasculated while he carried weapons. The largely inaccurate sound each arrow made as it sliced through the air made Robin ever more aware of his superiority over Marion, who only had a dagger. Robin had often told Rex about the tedious workings of his mind…it was at times like these that Rex often wanted to shout “STOP!” and reveal his secret of speech, but then he remembered his position.
“Komm Rex!” Robin was obviously in one of his intermittent “let’s-sprout-German” moods. Rex thought this was highly insensitive to those who had chosen to learn better languages (there are so many), and as such were unable to speak the language of sauerkraut and sausages.
Robin leaped off the rooftop, rudely leaving the scene without a word. Rex took a mental note (again) that he must teach Robin some social skills. When they played their games of soccer and cards, and Rex was kind enough to ignore Robin’s cheating, didn’t seem to be having an impact upon Robin’s personality. He would have to take a harsher stance in the future.
Miraculously, Robin’s bound was still on-screen after all of these thoughts. A slow motion shot had been used to enhance the heroic qualities of Robin’s leap from the rooftop, and ignore the fact that he actually hurt himself quite badly upon landing. Rex wished Robin would get a stunt-double, otherwise he could seriously hurt someone, and it was most likely to be Rex himself.
The German Shepherd (who preferred to be called an Alsatian) artistically followed down the conveniently arranged Styrofoam “bricks” that protruded from the building, in a much more sensible way. Robin was busy rolling around the ground in pain, but Rex knew that if he could be thoughtful enough to spare a thought for someone else, it would be about how proud he was of his buddy Rex.
As the two (with some difficulty) coolly strolled off into the sunrise, Robin spoke, “I think I could do with a haircut…”
Not far from the edge of Sherwood Forest, the dense foliage in which Robin and Rex had begun to stroll through, Sir Guy was perched on top of his horse watching the pair with narrowed eyes. He had been following our two heroes (mostly Robin and not just because he was easier to see from a distance) for the better part of a day under the Sheriff’s orders, or at least that’s what he decided he’d tell anyone who’d ask. But honestly, Sir Guy thought to himself, straightening in his saddle to match the pompous tone of his inner voice, who would ask a tall dark mysterious man clad in black leather, from neck to toe about their business? Surely only a fair lady who wanted his number and was looking for a conversation starting point.
Sir Guy tapped the side of his trusty steed with his boots and moved to follow Robin and Rex, sure to keep a clear five-car gap between them as he was taught in his early days of patrolling. “You can never be too careful” his instructor had told him, “your love of leather will surely alert your stalkee with all its loud ‘squish squish’ as you move about one day in the future.” And Sir Guy had been cautious ever since. Not including the several times Robin and his previous merry band had captured him for a laugh or convenient move for a later set up in the plot.
“I think I could do with a haircut…” Sir Guy heard Robin talking to himself (for there was no one else around and who would ever debase themselves by talking to a dog?). Immediately Sir Guy’s eyes widened and his brow creased, “No! Don’t do that!” he gasped out, careful not to speak as loudly as Robin clearly was even from the five-car length distance. “I must have someone else with hair this suitably long in the Forest!”
Sir Guy stilled his horse and lifted a black leather gloved hand to his mullet length hair, dark in its sweat drenched glory, even at the ends. He would have to wrestle Robin to the ground if he caught him with a pair of scissors made from the future, Sir Guy decided as he looked out to his right vaguely in a lengthy pause before he moved off presumably towards Sherwood.
Robin however was bending down beside Rex, ruffling his fur as the dog’s ears twitched in the manner that told him something was up and the Alsatian was trying to tell him about it. “What is it Rex?” he asked for the sake of introducing some dialogue.
“Ruff Ruff!” Rex barked before adding a short sharp whine at the end. At this stage the dog was praying that Robin had payed enough attention all the previous times Rex had alerted him to something vitally important to solving crime or finding crime, he didn’t try to be consistent in his noise-making for nothing!
“What is it?” Robin asked again uselessly and Rex struggled to maintain his air of patience with the shortish man. Robin looked about, left to right and left again but saw no pressing danger or movement of any kind other than the gentle breeze that held a bit of bite in it, those were the perils of living in the northern hemisphere.
Robin shrugged to himself and stood up, brushing off the imaginary dirt in a manly fashion and looking about him again. Oh well, he thought to himself with his eyebrows high and a look of resigned confusion on his masculine face, Rex would have rushed off to tackle the problem if it was urgent or far enough into the story. Or if it was the very beginning. Or if it was the very end and the last thing they had to do.
Shrugging again he walked off, assuming that Rex would blindly follow him to their lair, rather measly campfire surrounded by a few randomly placed boulders in the mostly boulder free forest…
TBC!!
Robin jumped down from his favourite tree and whistled to start the day. A rustle behind him made him jump in his usual sprightly way and he turned to see his best friend, for a dog is always that, bounding towards him.
“Rex!” he called out, pleasantly surprised.
“Woof,” replied Rex equally pleased but not so surprised. He’s never surprised. By anything.
“It’s so good to see you, Rex. Where were you last night? What are you up to?” asked Robin as he bent to ruffle Rex’s dark luxurious coat. Robin often wondered why Rex never told him anything anymore.
The dog made a noise that sounded all too like a whine and Robin nodded thoughtfully. He’d heard that noise more and more frequently as of late and he recognized it from his earlier days of working with Inspector Rex - or Kommisar Rex as it is in the German - and he knew it meant Rex wouldn’t be very forthcoming. Silently the outlaw mused on the misfortune of dog’s not being able to talk but how Rex was exceptionally good at expressing his mind which in the situation he ironically declined to do.
“Well, we better go find Marion and see what’s up in the hood. Err… forest,” Robin amended when Rex growled at his sloppy pun.
Upon arriving at Maid Marion’s family lodge Rex let out a deep yap and made for the second storey window that Robin had often waited under for the body of his affection. Many would be disadvantaged by a lack of hands which are very handy to use when climbing as Robin well knew, having used them himself to reach Marion’s window. But the dog had smarts and the litheness of an elf in springtime.
Robin smiled to himself as Rex leaped onto the cart that had been conveniently left next to the straw roof of the first level. The cart had halved the height of the distance Rex had to jump to make it onto the roof and the dog made an impossible jump, scuttling the last part onto the straw before leaning over the edge to bark at Robin who was still watching with a smile on his face.
“Woof,” said Rex rather rudely once again, when Robin had found the usual footholds on the side of the stone building that was historically inaccurately shaped. The dog clearly had an issue with the way Robin was constantly smiling in a smug manner.
Robin shushed him thinking that Rex had very likely ruined their plan to surprise Marion with their presence. The dog must have thought it was a pretty dumb idea in the first place for he continued to bark as Robin began to climb up the wall.
“Woof, woof,” Rex barked, his whole head moving with the force of his noise and Robin frowned as he sprayed the stone by his mouth with a loud “shhhhh!”
Rex was looking down from above him now, barking and whining as Robin moved up the wall eagerly to his dog partner. “Rex!?” he called out confused by the strange behaviour of the police dog. He lifted his leg, close to the roof now and his foot slipped from the wall, having rested on an unstable rock wedged into the poorly applied (as it usually was in those days) grout.
Rex let out the loudest “WOOF!” and Robin’s eyes widened in shock as his entire grip on the wall seemed to loosen. He reached out to the roof again, hoping to catch the straw and steady himself but his foot slipped again! Rex positioned himself solidly in the straw and bent his head over the edge, catching Robin’s tightly sewn sleeve and begun to tug him up. A moment later, after an excellent display of their teamwork and Rex’s super dog strength, Robin collapsed next to his friend on the straw.
Both panting hard from the adrenaline rush and exertion, they took a moment to recover, Robin with an arm over his face and Rex with his long pink tongue hanging out of his mouth.
“Good work, Rex” Robin finally said after getting his heartbeat to drop to a safe average of seventy beats per minute. Rex moved closer and let his hands drop to the dog’s fur and gave him a thankful rub, more proud than ever of his helpful friend.
A minute of staring into each other’s chocolate dark eyes soon turned into two and Robin wondered why he ever doubted Rex would ever be less of a friend than he was. The moment was broken when a female voice called out, “Robin!”
The owner of the name sat up to find Marion leaning out of her window clad in an obscene and irrationally orange dress under her even more inappropriate camo-print pinafore with a look of concern covering her face.
“Oh, we just-” Robin stopped his explanation as the usually indifferent woman climbed out of the window and rushed across the roof towards him.
“Rex!” she cried falling beside the dog and hugging him as Robin watched on with a pang of illogical jealousy in his chest. Rex was just a dog! “Are you alright, oh whatever happened?” finally Marion turned to Robin with questioning eyes, evidently expecting him to finish explaining as she held or rather smothered Rex with her embrace.
“Never mind,” said Robin with his handsome brows raised, “I can see you’re busy…”
“Humans!” thought Rex as he rolled his eyes in the insulting way that only trained dogs can. Rex began his ever-present internal debate as to which was infinitely more important-emotional intelligence or IQ. Robin and Marion seemed to have neither, and so were unlikely candidates to help form his hypothesis.
Rex looked on innocently as the two awkwardly exchanged broken sentences. It was early in their relationship, and Rex thought it only slightly plausible that it would continue much longer. Oh look, he was right again!
“Robin, I don’t think we should see each other any more,” a nervous, yet decidedly confident Marion remarked.
“But we work together…we have to see each other…” Robin rebutted.
“I mean outside the workplace,” Marion confirmed.
“Oh,” Robin was obviously heartbroken. They had dated for a whole few days.
Rex knew he had to help Marion get through this tough stage, so he begrudgingly let her bury her face in his fur. Robin was doing the manly, emotionless thing again, turning into the sunrise and striking an heroic pose for the benefit of any possible onlookers. Rex saw him feel for the reassuring bow and arrow slung over his shoulder. It seemed he could never be emasculated while he carried weapons. The largely inaccurate sound each arrow made as it sliced through the air made Robin ever more aware of his superiority over Marion, who only had a dagger. Robin had often told Rex about the tedious workings of his mind…it was at times like these that Rex often wanted to shout “STOP!” and reveal his secret of speech, but then he remembered his position.
“Komm Rex!” Robin was obviously in one of his intermittent “let’s-sprout-German” moods. Rex thought this was highly insensitive to those who had chosen to learn better languages (there are so many), and as such were unable to speak the language of sauerkraut and sausages.
Robin leaped off the rooftop, rudely leaving the scene without a word. Rex took a mental note (again) that he must teach Robin some social skills. When they played their games of soccer and cards, and Rex was kind enough to ignore Robin’s cheating, didn’t seem to be having an impact upon Robin’s personality. He would have to take a harsher stance in the future.
Miraculously, Robin’s bound was still on-screen after all of these thoughts. A slow motion shot had been used to enhance the heroic qualities of Robin’s leap from the rooftop, and ignore the fact that he actually hurt himself quite badly upon landing. Rex wished Robin would get a stunt-double, otherwise he could seriously hurt someone, and it was most likely to be Rex himself.
The German Shepherd (who preferred to be called an Alsatian) artistically followed down the conveniently arranged Styrofoam “bricks” that protruded from the building, in a much more sensible way. Robin was busy rolling around the ground in pain, but Rex knew that if he could be thoughtful enough to spare a thought for someone else, it would be about how proud he was of his buddy Rex.
As the two (with some difficulty) coolly strolled off into the sunrise, Robin spoke, “I think I could do with a haircut…”
Not far from the edge of Sherwood Forest, the dense foliage in which Robin and Rex had begun to stroll through, Sir Guy was perched on top of his horse watching the pair with narrowed eyes. He had been following our two heroes (mostly Robin and not just because he was easier to see from a distance) for the better part of a day under the Sheriff’s orders, or at least that’s what he decided he’d tell anyone who’d ask. But honestly, Sir Guy thought to himself, straightening in his saddle to match the pompous tone of his inner voice, who would ask a tall dark mysterious man clad in black leather, from neck to toe about their business? Surely only a fair lady who wanted his number and was looking for a conversation starting point.
Sir Guy tapped the side of his trusty steed with his boots and moved to follow Robin and Rex, sure to keep a clear five-car gap between them as he was taught in his early days of patrolling. “You can never be too careful” his instructor had told him, “your love of leather will surely alert your stalkee with all its loud ‘squish squish’ as you move about one day in the future.” And Sir Guy had been cautious ever since. Not including the several times Robin and his previous merry band had captured him for a laugh or convenient move for a later set up in the plot.
“I think I could do with a haircut…” Sir Guy heard Robin talking to himself (for there was no one else around and who would ever debase themselves by talking to a dog?). Immediately Sir Guy’s eyes widened and his brow creased, “No! Don’t do that!” he gasped out, careful not to speak as loudly as Robin clearly was even from the five-car length distance. “I must have someone else with hair this suitably long in the Forest!”
Sir Guy stilled his horse and lifted a black leather gloved hand to his mullet length hair, dark in its sweat drenched glory, even at the ends. He would have to wrestle Robin to the ground if he caught him with a pair of scissors made from the future, Sir Guy decided as he looked out to his right vaguely in a lengthy pause before he moved off presumably towards Sherwood.
Robin however was bending down beside Rex, ruffling his fur as the dog’s ears twitched in the manner that told him something was up and the Alsatian was trying to tell him about it. “What is it Rex?” he asked for the sake of introducing some dialogue.
“Ruff Ruff!” Rex barked before adding a short sharp whine at the end. At this stage the dog was praying that Robin had payed enough attention all the previous times Rex had alerted him to something vitally important to solving crime or finding crime, he didn’t try to be consistent in his noise-making for nothing!
“What is it?” Robin asked again uselessly and Rex struggled to maintain his air of patience with the shortish man. Robin looked about, left to right and left again but saw no pressing danger or movement of any kind other than the gentle breeze that held a bit of bite in it, those were the perils of living in the northern hemisphere.
Robin shrugged to himself and stood up, brushing off the imaginary dirt in a manly fashion and looking about him again. Oh well, he thought to himself with his eyebrows high and a look of resigned confusion on his masculine face, Rex would have rushed off to tackle the problem if it was urgent or far enough into the story. Or if it was the very beginning. Or if it was the very end and the last thing they had to do.
Shrugging again he walked off, assuming that Rex would blindly follow him to their lair, rather measly campfire surrounded by a few randomly placed boulders in the mostly boulder free forest…
TBC!!