Different Time & Place. Another world.
Have you ever thought about living on a different time? A different place? Just disappear and start fresh on a completely different place, where no one knows who the hell are you, where you're not bounded by those bonds people call family, where you can be yourself and find people that accept you for who you are and nothing else?
I have, I have dreamed about that utopia, where I can forget about others and just worry about finding MY own happiness, where I can show just how selfish I am, how "wrong" my moral is and don't worry about what others will think, where I can just go doing whatever I want and others won't give a damn about it because it's none of their business, where I won't have someone behind me saying "that's wrong" or "you should worry about him/her because of this/that" where there's no fucking right or wrong, where I can just do whatever I want without so many walls trying to tell me what I'm trying is "wrong".
That world doesn't exist, that utopia is just on my imagination, where it should be, as I am not in "heaven" but in "hell" I came here to suffer and grow of the bad experiences, or at least that's what I tell myself so I can endure this living hell I live inside myself each day, how I fake that smile and laugh every day and every hour, how I can't show who I am because people will just take their way and leave me behind little by little, because they don't care about me, but I care about them, this world that is more broken than anything else.
I wish I could stay on that frozen time I had a few months back, where I was smiling and forgot about these thoughts, when I was what you would call "happy" for a few hours. My insistence to go back to that frozen time is big, I want to, but maybe this desire is eating me and creating a monster, a monster that will make you go away, that will scare you. I'm making you go away, when that's the last thing I want to do, my fears and desire to go back are making me make mistakes.
You know why most people are not happy? Because they keep thinking about that time and place, that other world they had a taste of, that utopia they want to live in, but never tried to go to.