grrness
I know I should be really happy right now. Things are actually going very well in my life. I almost have my bank loan paid off. I'll be moving back out of my parents house soon and living with three of my really good friends. My band is doing really well. I'm working a lot and making a decent amount of money. Yeah, I guess that's kinda how things are right now. I just had a really frustrating evening. And it's bothersome to me especially because I find that when I get upset or depressed, I really find myself wishing I weren't single right now...like somehow having a significant other in my life would allow me someone to go to for comforting and support. So why (you may ask) am I feeling down? Well, my band has a show on Saturday (which I'm really excited about) and yet tonight, I really felt like practice sucked. It's not that we didn't do a kickass job playing the songs...because I hate to brag, but we do.....it's just I had a sudden flash of "why am I doing this?" I know that Nick and Josh were just light-heartedly trying to voice their opinion about my songwriting style, but all of the sudden, I'm kinda left wondering if this is really the kind of music that they want to be playing. I mean, sure it's better than nothing...and if you're in a band, you gotta have music cause you can't well just sit around doing nothing...but it kinda almost feels like the main reason they're playing this music (my music) is because they don't really have anyone else to write music at the moment and that if they could they'd love to have me write differently. I know I'm probably just being paranoid...cause I do that from time to time. Oh well...at least I know that I'm not the only one who left practice feeling a bit on the weird side of things. Judging by his journal post from tonight, I get the impression nick is feeling kinda "blah" about things at the moment too. I don't think he realizes how well he's doing on such short notice. Then again, it doesn't really matter what I tell him cause unless he feels he's doing well, not much I say will really have a great deal of effect.
And I don't really know what I want as far as "relationships" go in my life at the moment. I think I want to be single...cause I'm just not wanting to deal with all the things that go along with being in a serious committed relationship (if that makes any sense). But then I just get to feeling so lonely. Things with Brandallyn...well they went nowhere, and it's no big surprise...but I was able to kinda get that all out of my system by pulling an all nighter and writing/recording a song about her. Yeah, I don't know if she'd be flattered or just completely weirded out knowing I'd done such a thing...but I guess that's not for me to know, because i don't really intend upon bringing it up. As far as I'm concerned, things there are finished and I don't see them starting up again any time soon (if ever). Other than her, there have been a few other women in my life that have intrigued me of late. I don't think I'll get to be with any of them. At the very most I'll get to go on a couple "dates"....and I use the term very loosely. But I doubt a whole lot more will happen. So, yeah....I think I need to go ahead and say this other stuff so I don't forget:
Nigh Eve is having its second show this saturday the 20th of september (which also happens to be my 21st birthday)
We're one of four bands playing...other bands: Split-Second, Standard Grade, and A Blessing in Tragedy
Doors open at 630...music to start around 7?
Cover of $3 at the door
Contact me for more details or info
And I don't really know what I want as far as "relationships" go in my life at the moment. I think I want to be single...cause I'm just not wanting to deal with all the things that go along with being in a serious committed relationship (if that makes any sense). But then I just get to feeling so lonely. Things with Brandallyn...well they went nowhere, and it's no big surprise...but I was able to kinda get that all out of my system by pulling an all nighter and writing/recording a song about her. Yeah, I don't know if she'd be flattered or just completely weirded out knowing I'd done such a thing...but I guess that's not for me to know, because i don't really intend upon bringing it up. As far as I'm concerned, things there are finished and I don't see them starting up again any time soon (if ever). Other than her, there have been a few other women in my life that have intrigued me of late. I don't think I'll get to be with any of them. At the very most I'll get to go on a couple "dates"....and I use the term very loosely. But I doubt a whole lot more will happen. So, yeah....I think I need to go ahead and say this other stuff so I don't forget:
Nigh Eve is having its second show this saturday the 20th of september (which also happens to be my 21st birthday)
We're one of four bands playing...other bands: Split-Second, Standard Grade, and A Blessing in Tragedy
Doors open at 630...music to start around 7?
Cover of $3 at the door
Contact me for more details or info