exo: history list
History List
- Sehun/Lu Han, and another. PG-13. 3254 words.
- Suho accidentally reveals Sehun's affinity for Lu Han. Sehun denies it and thinks of a good plan of action. There are a lot of options.
- For Amber, Scylla, and R, whose hearts beat for SeHan, and for an anon who suggested the twist involving Suho. I hope you like this! ♥ And as always, thank you so much, Lia, for holding my hand through this. I love you.
He may even love him. *
It starts with a simple slip of the tongue.
They're halfway through an interview when the question about who's closest to whom pops up. There are a good few seconds of silence before Joonmyun, the leader that he is, takes it upon himself to give an answer. "We're all close to each other, to be honest," he begins, and everybody nods in agreement. "We all share secrets with each other, but Sehun's particularly close with Lu Han."
A heartbeat, and then. "I think he might even be in love with him."
Sehun blinks for a while, thankful for the way his facial muscles react so slowly to every single thing and for his gift of feigning nonchalance. "I'm not in love with him," he simply answers when the interviewer turns to him. "No, I'm not in love with Lu Han."
But, of course, everyone knows he's lying. Everyone but himself.
It has long been established that Sehun is fond of Lu Han.
Even when they were still trainees, they had already exhibited a peculiar kind of connection. They're a good mix of the serious and the mischievous, the good and the bad. Everybody blames Lu Han for bringing out the brat in Sehun - the pranks Sehun plays on the other members are things only Lu Han would think of. And for all of their craziness when they're together, Lu Han still manages to put Sehun in his place, the line between hyung and chingu still clearly defined.
So, naturally, it doesn't occur to Sehun that he might be too fond of Lu Han until Joonmyun points it out.
"That was a pretty weird thing to say, hyung," Sehun comments when he manages to get Joonmyun alone.
"You can't assume that I love him just because he's my favorite," he reasons out. It makes perfect sense in his head, but Joonmyun's reckless move doesn't. It's been months since they've debuted and Joonmyun still seems as if he hasn't gotten the lines memorized, and Chanyeol and Baekhyun have to salvage lip mishaps with a funny or a terrible joke all the time.
Joonmyun nods thoughtfully. "Yes, you're right - I can't assume that, but I can assume that you're being really defensive about this because you like him too much."
"I am not being defensive!"
Joonmyun just offers him a small smile. "Mhmm. Right."
I'm not being defensive, Sehun repeats, this time in his head, as he runs through all the times he's spent with Lu Han in his mind and notes how Lu Han's smile makes his breath hitch and his fingertips cold. I'm not being defensive, he says to himself one more time, this time going through the times when he'd intentionally let his footsteps fall in step with Lu Han's just so he could spend more time with the latter, or the many times he'd find himself with a silly grin when Lu Han pulls him by the wrist to go out and play.
He's not being defensive, nor is he in love. He's just playing favorites. Those are entirely different things.
"You're disturbed."
Sehun stirs a little and looks over his shoulder. Jongin proves to be unsolicited company when he's deep in thought. "You're disturbed and you need someone to talk to, so talk."
"I know better than to share my secrets with you," Sehun sneers. "Plus, I can handle this on my own. Get off my case."
"I like the character change. It's as if you've undergone a personality transplant." Jongin gives him a rather cheeky grin, and he swats Jongin's hand away when the latter attempts to put an arm around his shoulder.
Sehun scoots to the far end of the couch and yields his space to Jongin who casually rests his legs on Sehun's thighs. Sehun's eyes are fixed on the empty space between the floor and the wall, and he wonders if there's any truth to what everyone has been telling him these past few hours - from Joonmyun's short comment about his affinity to Lu Han to Jongin's rhetorical statement about him being disturbed. It's as if he's been living in his bubble all this time and he's been popped back to reality, deflated and out in the cold. He starts drawing figures on Jongin's legs - first a car, then a dog, then a smiley face and a sad face.
"Read to share, maknae?"
Sehun shakes his head.
He can feel the weight of Jongin's stare linger for a good few seconds, and Jongin turns back to the television, scanning the channels and finally settling on a news channel, the annotation initially sounding foreign to Sehun.
When he risks a glance at the TV, he fights the urge to wipe off the sly grin on Jongin's lips.
EXO-M is on the news.
Promotions allow for more time to spend with EXO-M, which spells disaster for the leaders and fun for the rest of the members. Jongdae can be quite an explosive when with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, and Lu Han and Yixing are always sneakier and more mischievous with Jongin around. Sehun finds himself a comfortable spot away from the commotion, lounging on the couch with a pillow tucked between his legs and his chest.
"Feeling alone, maknae?"
Lu Han runs his fingers down the stretch of Sehun's bare arm, and Sehun shivers.
"Alone keeps me away from the noise. Alone protects me."
Lu Han stares at him for at least five good seconds and sits beside him, anyway.
Their day doesn't start until five hours after, when they hit the studios for a recorded interview and a taped performance, so he spends the next few hours trying to focus on the TV show rather than feeling Lu Han's fingers curl into his, trying hard not to let his breath hitch when Lu Han unsuspectingly leans on his shoulder and cuddles up, a satisfied exhale tickling Sehun's cheek. Jongin raises an eyebrow at him, Joonmyun nods thoughtfully when he passes them by, Yixing shrugs and walks away, and Sehun just bites the inside of his cheek, careful not to wake up a sleeping Lu Han, keeping his emotions in check.
It's all fan service, Sehun tells himself time and again - nothing more, nothing less.
It's fan service even when Lu Han pulls him into a secluded area in between shoots and breaks to drive him against the wall and trail kisses along his neck, down to his chest. It's not as if they're the only ones who do this - Sehun has seen the way Baekhyun and Chanyeol play around not-so-innocently, or the way Yixing and Jongin move around each other on the very few occasions that they get to promote in the same country at the same time. Baekhyun and Chanyeol would exchange all these meaningful glances and smiles; Jongin would grab Yixing by the arm and pull him close and Yixing would bite his lower lip, and then they'd dance as if no one else was watching.
But Sehun can see everything.
He's tuned in to a Chinese entertainment channel, and he manages to catch Lu Han's part. "I actually miss having bubble tea with him," Lu Han says, and even with miles and miles of distance between them, Sehun can still feel a tingling sensation in his toes. "I'd love to hang out with him again sometime."
Oh you would, wouldn't you, Sehun thinks, eyes boring into Lu Han's. Wouldn't you love to hang out with me, really.
He reaches for the remote and hits the power button even before Lu Han can say something else.
Sehun's not the only one who sees the change. Minseok and Jongdae start noticing the gaping distance between him and Lu Han, Lu Han unconsciously brushing off Sehun and his attempts at initiating skinship. Joonmyun starts asking, "Does this have something to do with what I said?", and Kyungsoo starts staring at him more than the usual.
"Now, are you ready to spill, maknae?" Jongin asks again, this time while they're waiting for the rest of the members to finish shooting their parts. Jongin raises an eyebrow, an expectant smile on his lips. "Well?"
"He's stopped texting and calling and messaging on KaTalk," Sehun finally says, defeated. "And I'm worried I might have said something or done something wrong."
"Like being too attached."
"Yes, like being too attached- What?"
Jongin grins, and gives him a pat on the head. "The game's just begun, kid."
In a game that is non-linear, there are many possible endings. One, Sehun can turn around and walk away to look for something, someone new to be preoccupied with. Two, Sehun can take the first flight to China and hold Lu Han in his arms and twirl him around, something he'd only seen in dramas and movies. Alternatively, he can take the first flight to China and promptly get rejected by Lu Han. Possibilities are endless, and Sehun is inclined to see where each and every single one can take him - them.
To start, there's option A.
---
A. Sehun shrugs off the challenge. He's got enough on his plate as it is, and he decides to not make his life any more difficult by not worrying over a misunderstanding that could have been addressed by a confrontation; besides, confrontations have never been his "thing." So he doesn't look for a distraction but, instead, pushes himself harder, staying behind long after practice is over and running his routine by Jongin again and again.
"There's a difference between working hard and working your ass off," Jongin calls out, voice breathy. Sehun doesn't even pause in the routine and just replies, "Back to work," doesn't even look to his side to see the look of worry in the hood of Jongin's eyes.
Later, when Jongin has already closed the door behind him, Sehun slumps against the worn out wallpaper of the practice room. Later, he'll regret staying behind and doing a few more runs because his legs are already giving him away, and he won't bother fishing for his phone from his bag to check for any messages, anything at all from Lu Han who's probably wondering if EXO-K is doing fine, and if Sehun's getting any rest at all.
In the eyes of the media and the fans, nothing changes. Lu Han is still his playful, teasing old self with everyone, even with Sehun, but they never find out about the dwindling connection and communication between the two of them. Sometimes, Lu Han still pushes Sehun against the wall and Sehun just lets him, and sometimes it is the other way around, with Lu Han burning under the heat of Sehun's body, but they never talk about it, and Sehun does not have any regrets not taking on Jongin's challenge head on.
They become famous. They become successful. Numerous daesangs and mutizens after, they disband, choking it up to deciding to pursue different interests. Jongin and Yixing stay with SM to train new talents. Kyungsoo, Jongdae, and Baekhyun are given the opportunity to form a new group and carve their names in history as the best balladeers Korea has ever had. Minseok puts up his own food business - a Chinese restaurant, maybe? - and Chanyeol puts up his very own coffee shop nearby. Zitao and Kris decide to go abroad for graduate studies. Joonmyun decides to take his hosting stint seriously and somehow lands a permanent spot in one of the morning programs. Lu Han, after spending a few months away from everyone else, eventually joins Jongin and Yixing back in SM. And Sehun? He travels around the world in the hope of becoming a world-class photographer.
As with all people, they eventually die. This is how the story ends.
B. As much as he's a sucker for challenges, he deems this one as a losing game and waves the white flag while he still can.
Sehun makes his way to his room - the room he shares with Joonmyun, at least - holding his head low and keeping his hands across his chest, not in his pockets where he can fish his phone from and he can easily send a cryptic text to Lu Han. He plops on his bed, doesn't answer when Joonmyun asks him, "Hey, what's up?" and lets his thumbs hover the characters for, "I don't like playing games," for a while, before finally deciding to bury his phone in pillows.
"I'm not the best listener but if you need to talk-"
"Hyung."
"-I'm just saying, young people like you shouldn't keep it all in. That's what friends are for - you can tell them anything you want and they'll listen and reserve judgement until you finish talking."
Sehun laughs a little. "Thanks, hyung. That really makes me feel better."
"I'm sorry, that was lame." Then, much later, "I should probably talk to Lu Han about what I said in the interview."
Sehun sits upright and faces Joonmyun, fixing his eyes on Joonmyun's own. "Look, hyung. It's okay. You got a bit careless. That happens to me, too, sometimes. It's not your fault."
"I'm talking to him, anyway."
Sehun shakes his head and turns around, pulling the covers over his head.
It takes a week before he gets back into the swing of things, with Lu Han sending the first text after the short dry spell. They're back to their old playful selves. He never asks Joonmyun about the confrontation, nor does he bring it up with Lu Han. Life goes on, as it always does. This is the end of the story.
C. "I'm talking to him, anyway."
Sehun furrows his eyebrows. It's one thing to be stubborn, but Joonmyun's being really pushy. "What gives, hyung? You talking to him won't change things. If anything, I should be the one talking to him."
"Then why don't you?"
Sehun pulls one of his pillows close to chest and leans against the wall. From where he is, Joonmyun looks different - eyebrows furrowed, not out of confusion nor frustration but because of something else, lips pressed tightly together, maybe even a hint of hurt in his eyes. "I'm not good with confrontations."
Joonmyun scoffs. "The one with me went pretty well."
"That's because you're not him. You're not Lu Han. This- This is different."
He watches as Joonmyun's chest rises and Joonmyun's lips hang slightly open, as Joonmyun hangs his head low and a shadow of a smile tugs at the corner of Joonmyun's lips. "Of course."
Sehun worries his lower lip for a while before turning around and pulling the covers over his head. Everything continues as in A.
D. The confrontation with Lu Han is a mess.
It happens on New Year's eve, after they win an award. They've all finished doing their rounds, thanking everyone and congratulating the other winners, and Lu Han pulls him into the shadows, then puts a hand over his mouth.
"If you're kidnapping me, I'm calling the police."
"The police is too busy talking to the others," Lu Han replies, cocking his head to where Joonmyun and Kris are.
Lu Han grabs him by the wrist, ready to take him to a far off place, but Sehun stands firmly in place, unmoving, eyes fixed on the back of Lu Han's head. "We can't keep doing this," he says, almost breathily. "We push and pull and we'll just end up torn apart."
"You tell me this months after all those escapades. You tell me this after enjoying all those-"
"It's getting ugly. This industry demands pretty, not ugly. We can't keep this up."
Lu Han's grip on his wrist loosens, and he feels the quickening pulse in Lu Han's hand. Lu Han gives his wrist a brief squeeze before letting go completely and rejoining the others, perfectly bright smile intact.
Sehun's eyes are drawn to Lu Han's hands. They're shaking.
The group gets pulled apart again after the holidays, and they go on their separate schedules, their separate lives. They release a new album halfway through the year, and it isn't as well-received as their previous. The disbandment comes too early because, "It's not working out." "But it's not really a disbandment," their manager explains. "It's more of mixing things up and creating new groups out of one big group."
Lu Han, Yixing, Kyungsoo, Jongin, and Chanyeol are put in one group. Minseok, Baekhyun, Sehun, Zitao, and Joonmyun are put in another. SM debuts Jongdae as a solo singer, and Kris tries his hand at acting. The new arrangement works, somehow. Life goes on. This is the end of the story.
E. "The police is too busy talking to the others," Lu Han replies, cocking his head to where Joonmyun and Kris are.
Sehun takes a deep breath when Lu Han presses hot lips on his, and he secures his palms flat on Lu Han's hips. It's been too long since he's had Lu Han's hands running up and down his back, or inside his pants, and it's been too long since he's licked the cavern of Lu Han's mouth. He grips Lu Han's arms tight, nails digging into Lu Han's skin when Lu Han gives his cock one last pump.
"Never again," Sehun says, breathing still heavy as he zips his pants back up and straightens his clothes. Lu Han shakes his head and just laughs a little.
When they turn around, Sehun catches Joonmyun looking, and he wonders briefly of how much Joonmyun has seen, or if he's seen anything at all.
Promotions take over their lives as always. At the end of the year, they go home with happy smiles and awards cradled in their arms. Lu Han slips an arm around Sehun and Sehun's breath hitches. It never really ends.
F. "You asked before why I cared too much about that incident with Lu Han, why I wanted to talk to him about it, right?"
They come home late from the end-of-the-year awarding ceremonies, and Sehun's determined to ignore Joonmyun and just pull the covers over his head, but he remembers Joonmyun looking, seeing everything, remembers the strained smile on Joonmyun's face when the latter faces him after the stint with Lu Han, remembers how cold Joonmyun's hands are when Joonmyun gives him a light pat on the back.
"Yes, I did."
"What if… What if I told you that I wanted to tell Lu Han to stay away from you so that you'll stop hurting? What if I told you that I did that slip up to see if I could worm a confession out of you and out of myself as well? What if-"
"Hyung, you've got to stop it with the weird questions."
A pause and a loud exhale, then, "You're probably right."
Sehun pulls the covers over his head and closes his eyes, willing all the confusion away.
He never asks Joonmyun about what he meant when he said that, and Joonmyun doesn't even bring it up. Life goes on. This is the end of the story.
G. "This is not a game."
Of course, it isn't. Sehun knows better than to toy with someone's feelings and to play around. Whatever he's been doing as a response to Lu Han's advances, romantic in intent or not, has never been done just to put some spice in his life. (Although, he'll never admit it, he may have enjoyed the escapades at some point and begged for more.)
A pause and, suddenly, a realization - he's never done anything out of lust or the need to belong. So maybe-
The next time EXO appears as a group of twelve is in the end-of-the-year awards ceremony where they win Rookie of the Year. They are all a sobbing mess but Joonmyun still looks good even with tear-stained cheeks, so he gives a speech and thanks the necessary people, from the president to the managers and even down to each and every stylist they've had. From the corner of Sehun's eye, he sees Jongin slipping an unassuming arm around Yixing to pull him closer for a hug, and maybe a soft kiss on the cheek.
Lu Han hooks an arm around Sehun and leans on his shoulder a bit. "It's okay to cry, maknae," Lu Han says, a teasing glint in his watery eyes, and Sehun's breath hitches, his chest constricts, and something at the pit of his stomach lurches forward for a clumsy enunciation.
"I hate you." And then, shortly after, "No, I mean, I like you a lot but I hate you even more and-"
Lu Han buries Sehun's face in the crook of his shoulder and Sehun just lets his emotions overwhelm him, a wave of relief washing over him as Lu Han's arms circle his waist and Lu Han whispers, "I hate you, too."
This is where the story begins.
---
a/n:
1. The inspiration for the options format was taken from quarticpolynomi's The Wavefunction Collapse.
2. The title was taken from Imagine Dragon's "Hear Me". Give it a listen when you have time. It's a great song. :)
- Sehun/Lu Han, and another. PG-13. 3254 words.
- Suho accidentally reveals Sehun's affinity for Lu Han. Sehun denies it and thinks of a good plan of action. There are a lot of options.
- For Amber, Scylla, and R, whose hearts beat for SeHan, and for an anon who suggested the twist involving Suho. I hope you like this! ♥ And as always, thank you so much, Lia, for holding my hand through this. I love you.
He may even love him. *
It starts with a simple slip of the tongue.
They're halfway through an interview when the question about who's closest to whom pops up. There are a good few seconds of silence before Joonmyun, the leader that he is, takes it upon himself to give an answer. "We're all close to each other, to be honest," he begins, and everybody nods in agreement. "We all share secrets with each other, but Sehun's particularly close with Lu Han."
A heartbeat, and then. "I think he might even be in love with him."
Sehun blinks for a while, thankful for the way his facial muscles react so slowly to every single thing and for his gift of feigning nonchalance. "I'm not in love with him," he simply answers when the interviewer turns to him. "No, I'm not in love with Lu Han."
But, of course, everyone knows he's lying. Everyone but himself.
It has long been established that Sehun is fond of Lu Han.
Even when they were still trainees, they had already exhibited a peculiar kind of connection. They're a good mix of the serious and the mischievous, the good and the bad. Everybody blames Lu Han for bringing out the brat in Sehun - the pranks Sehun plays on the other members are things only Lu Han would think of. And for all of their craziness when they're together, Lu Han still manages to put Sehun in his place, the line between hyung and chingu still clearly defined.
So, naturally, it doesn't occur to Sehun that he might be too fond of Lu Han until Joonmyun points it out.
"That was a pretty weird thing to say, hyung," Sehun comments when he manages to get Joonmyun alone.
"You can't assume that I love him just because he's my favorite," he reasons out. It makes perfect sense in his head, but Joonmyun's reckless move doesn't. It's been months since they've debuted and Joonmyun still seems as if he hasn't gotten the lines memorized, and Chanyeol and Baekhyun have to salvage lip mishaps with a funny or a terrible joke all the time.
Joonmyun nods thoughtfully. "Yes, you're right - I can't assume that, but I can assume that you're being really defensive about this because you like him too much."
"I am not being defensive!"
Joonmyun just offers him a small smile. "Mhmm. Right."
I'm not being defensive, Sehun repeats, this time in his head, as he runs through all the times he's spent with Lu Han in his mind and notes how Lu Han's smile makes his breath hitch and his fingertips cold. I'm not being defensive, he says to himself one more time, this time going through the times when he'd intentionally let his footsteps fall in step with Lu Han's just so he could spend more time with the latter, or the many times he'd find himself with a silly grin when Lu Han pulls him by the wrist to go out and play.
He's not being defensive, nor is he in love. He's just playing favorites. Those are entirely different things.
"You're disturbed."
Sehun stirs a little and looks over his shoulder. Jongin proves to be unsolicited company when he's deep in thought. "You're disturbed and you need someone to talk to, so talk."
"I know better than to share my secrets with you," Sehun sneers. "Plus, I can handle this on my own. Get off my case."
"I like the character change. It's as if you've undergone a personality transplant." Jongin gives him a rather cheeky grin, and he swats Jongin's hand away when the latter attempts to put an arm around his shoulder.
Sehun scoots to the far end of the couch and yields his space to Jongin who casually rests his legs on Sehun's thighs. Sehun's eyes are fixed on the empty space between the floor and the wall, and he wonders if there's any truth to what everyone has been telling him these past few hours - from Joonmyun's short comment about his affinity to Lu Han to Jongin's rhetorical statement about him being disturbed. It's as if he's been living in his bubble all this time and he's been popped back to reality, deflated and out in the cold. He starts drawing figures on Jongin's legs - first a car, then a dog, then a smiley face and a sad face.
"Read to share, maknae?"
Sehun shakes his head.
He can feel the weight of Jongin's stare linger for a good few seconds, and Jongin turns back to the television, scanning the channels and finally settling on a news channel, the annotation initially sounding foreign to Sehun.
When he risks a glance at the TV, he fights the urge to wipe off the sly grin on Jongin's lips.
EXO-M is on the news.
Promotions allow for more time to spend with EXO-M, which spells disaster for the leaders and fun for the rest of the members. Jongdae can be quite an explosive when with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, and Lu Han and Yixing are always sneakier and more mischievous with Jongin around. Sehun finds himself a comfortable spot away from the commotion, lounging on the couch with a pillow tucked between his legs and his chest.
"Feeling alone, maknae?"
Lu Han runs his fingers down the stretch of Sehun's bare arm, and Sehun shivers.
"Alone keeps me away from the noise. Alone protects me."
Lu Han stares at him for at least five good seconds and sits beside him, anyway.
Their day doesn't start until five hours after, when they hit the studios for a recorded interview and a taped performance, so he spends the next few hours trying to focus on the TV show rather than feeling Lu Han's fingers curl into his, trying hard not to let his breath hitch when Lu Han unsuspectingly leans on his shoulder and cuddles up, a satisfied exhale tickling Sehun's cheek. Jongin raises an eyebrow at him, Joonmyun nods thoughtfully when he passes them by, Yixing shrugs and walks away, and Sehun just bites the inside of his cheek, careful not to wake up a sleeping Lu Han, keeping his emotions in check.
It's all fan service, Sehun tells himself time and again - nothing more, nothing less.
It's fan service even when Lu Han pulls him into a secluded area in between shoots and breaks to drive him against the wall and trail kisses along his neck, down to his chest. It's not as if they're the only ones who do this - Sehun has seen the way Baekhyun and Chanyeol play around not-so-innocently, or the way Yixing and Jongin move around each other on the very few occasions that they get to promote in the same country at the same time. Baekhyun and Chanyeol would exchange all these meaningful glances and smiles; Jongin would grab Yixing by the arm and pull him close and Yixing would bite his lower lip, and then they'd dance as if no one else was watching.
But Sehun can see everything.
He's tuned in to a Chinese entertainment channel, and he manages to catch Lu Han's part. "I actually miss having bubble tea with him," Lu Han says, and even with miles and miles of distance between them, Sehun can still feel a tingling sensation in his toes. "I'd love to hang out with him again sometime."
Oh you would, wouldn't you, Sehun thinks, eyes boring into Lu Han's. Wouldn't you love to hang out with me, really.
He reaches for the remote and hits the power button even before Lu Han can say something else.
Sehun's not the only one who sees the change. Minseok and Jongdae start noticing the gaping distance between him and Lu Han, Lu Han unconsciously brushing off Sehun and his attempts at initiating skinship. Joonmyun starts asking, "Does this have something to do with what I said?", and Kyungsoo starts staring at him more than the usual.
"Now, are you ready to spill, maknae?" Jongin asks again, this time while they're waiting for the rest of the members to finish shooting their parts. Jongin raises an eyebrow, an expectant smile on his lips. "Well?"
"He's stopped texting and calling and messaging on KaTalk," Sehun finally says, defeated. "And I'm worried I might have said something or done something wrong."
"Like being too attached."
"Yes, like being too attached- What?"
Jongin grins, and gives him a pat on the head. "The game's just begun, kid."
In a game that is non-linear, there are many possible endings. One, Sehun can turn around and walk away to look for something, someone new to be preoccupied with. Two, Sehun can take the first flight to China and hold Lu Han in his arms and twirl him around, something he'd only seen in dramas and movies. Alternatively, he can take the first flight to China and promptly get rejected by Lu Han. Possibilities are endless, and Sehun is inclined to see where each and every single one can take him - them.
To start, there's option A.
---
A. Sehun shrugs off the challenge. He's got enough on his plate as it is, and he decides to not make his life any more difficult by not worrying over a misunderstanding that could have been addressed by a confrontation; besides, confrontations have never been his "thing." So he doesn't look for a distraction but, instead, pushes himself harder, staying behind long after practice is over and running his routine by Jongin again and again.
"There's a difference between working hard and working your ass off," Jongin calls out, voice breathy. Sehun doesn't even pause in the routine and just replies, "Back to work," doesn't even look to his side to see the look of worry in the hood of Jongin's eyes.
Later, when Jongin has already closed the door behind him, Sehun slumps against the worn out wallpaper of the practice room. Later, he'll regret staying behind and doing a few more runs because his legs are already giving him away, and he won't bother fishing for his phone from his bag to check for any messages, anything at all from Lu Han who's probably wondering if EXO-K is doing fine, and if Sehun's getting any rest at all.
In the eyes of the media and the fans, nothing changes. Lu Han is still his playful, teasing old self with everyone, even with Sehun, but they never find out about the dwindling connection and communication between the two of them. Sometimes, Lu Han still pushes Sehun against the wall and Sehun just lets him, and sometimes it is the other way around, with Lu Han burning under the heat of Sehun's body, but they never talk about it, and Sehun does not have any regrets not taking on Jongin's challenge head on.
They become famous. They become successful. Numerous daesangs and mutizens after, they disband, choking it up to deciding to pursue different interests. Jongin and Yixing stay with SM to train new talents. Kyungsoo, Jongdae, and Baekhyun are given the opportunity to form a new group and carve their names in history as the best balladeers Korea has ever had. Minseok puts up his own food business - a Chinese restaurant, maybe? - and Chanyeol puts up his very own coffee shop nearby. Zitao and Kris decide to go abroad for graduate studies. Joonmyun decides to take his hosting stint seriously and somehow lands a permanent spot in one of the morning programs. Lu Han, after spending a few months away from everyone else, eventually joins Jongin and Yixing back in SM. And Sehun? He travels around the world in the hope of becoming a world-class photographer.
As with all people, they eventually die. This is how the story ends.
B. As much as he's a sucker for challenges, he deems this one as a losing game and waves the white flag while he still can.
Sehun makes his way to his room - the room he shares with Joonmyun, at least - holding his head low and keeping his hands across his chest, not in his pockets where he can fish his phone from and he can easily send a cryptic text to Lu Han. He plops on his bed, doesn't answer when Joonmyun asks him, "Hey, what's up?" and lets his thumbs hover the characters for, "I don't like playing games," for a while, before finally deciding to bury his phone in pillows.
"I'm not the best listener but if you need to talk-"
"Hyung."
"-I'm just saying, young people like you shouldn't keep it all in. That's what friends are for - you can tell them anything you want and they'll listen and reserve judgement until you finish talking."
Sehun laughs a little. "Thanks, hyung. That really makes me feel better."
"I'm sorry, that was lame." Then, much later, "I should probably talk to Lu Han about what I said in the interview."
Sehun sits upright and faces Joonmyun, fixing his eyes on Joonmyun's own. "Look, hyung. It's okay. You got a bit careless. That happens to me, too, sometimes. It's not your fault."
"I'm talking to him, anyway."
Sehun shakes his head and turns around, pulling the covers over his head.
It takes a week before he gets back into the swing of things, with Lu Han sending the first text after the short dry spell. They're back to their old playful selves. He never asks Joonmyun about the confrontation, nor does he bring it up with Lu Han. Life goes on, as it always does. This is the end of the story.
C. "I'm talking to him, anyway."
Sehun furrows his eyebrows. It's one thing to be stubborn, but Joonmyun's being really pushy. "What gives, hyung? You talking to him won't change things. If anything, I should be the one talking to him."
"Then why don't you?"
Sehun pulls one of his pillows close to chest and leans against the wall. From where he is, Joonmyun looks different - eyebrows furrowed, not out of confusion nor frustration but because of something else, lips pressed tightly together, maybe even a hint of hurt in his eyes. "I'm not good with confrontations."
Joonmyun scoffs. "The one with me went pretty well."
"That's because you're not him. You're not Lu Han. This- This is different."
He watches as Joonmyun's chest rises and Joonmyun's lips hang slightly open, as Joonmyun hangs his head low and a shadow of a smile tugs at the corner of Joonmyun's lips. "Of course."
Sehun worries his lower lip for a while before turning around and pulling the covers over his head. Everything continues as in A.
D. The confrontation with Lu Han is a mess.
It happens on New Year's eve, after they win an award. They've all finished doing their rounds, thanking everyone and congratulating the other winners, and Lu Han pulls him into the shadows, then puts a hand over his mouth.
"If you're kidnapping me, I'm calling the police."
"The police is too busy talking to the others," Lu Han replies, cocking his head to where Joonmyun and Kris are.
Lu Han grabs him by the wrist, ready to take him to a far off place, but Sehun stands firmly in place, unmoving, eyes fixed on the back of Lu Han's head. "We can't keep doing this," he says, almost breathily. "We push and pull and we'll just end up torn apart."
"You tell me this months after all those escapades. You tell me this after enjoying all those-"
"It's getting ugly. This industry demands pretty, not ugly. We can't keep this up."
Lu Han's grip on his wrist loosens, and he feels the quickening pulse in Lu Han's hand. Lu Han gives his wrist a brief squeeze before letting go completely and rejoining the others, perfectly bright smile intact.
Sehun's eyes are drawn to Lu Han's hands. They're shaking.
The group gets pulled apart again after the holidays, and they go on their separate schedules, their separate lives. They release a new album halfway through the year, and it isn't as well-received as their previous. The disbandment comes too early because, "It's not working out." "But it's not really a disbandment," their manager explains. "It's more of mixing things up and creating new groups out of one big group."
Lu Han, Yixing, Kyungsoo, Jongin, and Chanyeol are put in one group. Minseok, Baekhyun, Sehun, Zitao, and Joonmyun are put in another. SM debuts Jongdae as a solo singer, and Kris tries his hand at acting. The new arrangement works, somehow. Life goes on. This is the end of the story.
E. "The police is too busy talking to the others," Lu Han replies, cocking his head to where Joonmyun and Kris are.
Sehun takes a deep breath when Lu Han presses hot lips on his, and he secures his palms flat on Lu Han's hips. It's been too long since he's had Lu Han's hands running up and down his back, or inside his pants, and it's been too long since he's licked the cavern of Lu Han's mouth. He grips Lu Han's arms tight, nails digging into Lu Han's skin when Lu Han gives his cock one last pump.
"Never again," Sehun says, breathing still heavy as he zips his pants back up and straightens his clothes. Lu Han shakes his head and just laughs a little.
When they turn around, Sehun catches Joonmyun looking, and he wonders briefly of how much Joonmyun has seen, or if he's seen anything at all.
Promotions take over their lives as always. At the end of the year, they go home with happy smiles and awards cradled in their arms. Lu Han slips an arm around Sehun and Sehun's breath hitches. It never really ends.
F. "You asked before why I cared too much about that incident with Lu Han, why I wanted to talk to him about it, right?"
They come home late from the end-of-the-year awarding ceremonies, and Sehun's determined to ignore Joonmyun and just pull the covers over his head, but he remembers Joonmyun looking, seeing everything, remembers the strained smile on Joonmyun's face when the latter faces him after the stint with Lu Han, remembers how cold Joonmyun's hands are when Joonmyun gives him a light pat on the back.
"Yes, I did."
"What if… What if I told you that I wanted to tell Lu Han to stay away from you so that you'll stop hurting? What if I told you that I did that slip up to see if I could worm a confession out of you and out of myself as well? What if-"
"Hyung, you've got to stop it with the weird questions."
A pause and a loud exhale, then, "You're probably right."
Sehun pulls the covers over his head and closes his eyes, willing all the confusion away.
He never asks Joonmyun about what he meant when he said that, and Joonmyun doesn't even bring it up. Life goes on. This is the end of the story.
G. "This is not a game."
Of course, it isn't. Sehun knows better than to toy with someone's feelings and to play around. Whatever he's been doing as a response to Lu Han's advances, romantic in intent or not, has never been done just to put some spice in his life. (Although, he'll never admit it, he may have enjoyed the escapades at some point and begged for more.)
A pause and, suddenly, a realization - he's never done anything out of lust or the need to belong. So maybe-
The next time EXO appears as a group of twelve is in the end-of-the-year awards ceremony where they win Rookie of the Year. They are all a sobbing mess but Joonmyun still looks good even with tear-stained cheeks, so he gives a speech and thanks the necessary people, from the president to the managers and even down to each and every stylist they've had. From the corner of Sehun's eye, he sees Jongin slipping an unassuming arm around Yixing to pull him closer for a hug, and maybe a soft kiss on the cheek.
Lu Han hooks an arm around Sehun and leans on his shoulder a bit. "It's okay to cry, maknae," Lu Han says, a teasing glint in his watery eyes, and Sehun's breath hitches, his chest constricts, and something at the pit of his stomach lurches forward for a clumsy enunciation.
"I hate you." And then, shortly after, "No, I mean, I like you a lot but I hate you even more and-"
Lu Han buries Sehun's face in the crook of his shoulder and Sehun just lets his emotions overwhelm him, a wave of relief washing over him as Lu Han's arms circle his waist and Lu Han whispers, "I hate you, too."
This is where the story begins.
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a/n:
1. The inspiration for the options format was taken from quarticpolynomi's The Wavefunction Collapse.
2. The title was taken from Imagine Dragon's "Hear Me". Give it a listen when you have time. It's a great song. :)