exo: (it's just a little) crush
(It's just a little) Crush
- Suho/Lu Han. PG. 2013 words.
- Joonmyun meets Lu Han. It isn't anything special, but it's not ordinary, either. It's something more.
- Written for the lovely supporters of suholiday 2013! Originally posted HERE. Thanks for the memories ♥
When Joonmyun sees Lu Han for the very first time, it isn't anything special. There aren't fireworks or explosions at the tips of his fingers or a choir singing in his ears, but there's something heavy brewing in his chest. Lu Han is Chinese and speaks Korean in a clear, almost unaccented manner, and maybe Lu Han is a bit too charming for his own good, and maybe he and Lu Han won't get along at all.
"What a fake," he mumbles, and Jongin elbows him in his side.
"Play nice, hyung. Didn't you tell me before to-"
Joonmyun turns to Jongin with a bright smile and crinkles in corner of his eyes. "You were saying?"
Lu Han approaches them with careful steps and a small smile on his lips. When he introduces himself, Joonmyun catches the hint of amazement in Lu Han's undertone, and he plays it again and again in his head until an image of a not-as-perfect Lu Han becomes clear in his mind.
"Kim Joonmyun," Joonmyun says as he extends his hand. He can feel his smile ripping his skin; it makes him sick. "Nice to meet you."
Lu Han's smile is blinding. It burns the back of Joonmyun's eyelids. "Nice to meet you, too."
In four out of five classes Joonmyun attends, Lu Han is in them. Lu Han is a great singer, Joonmyun soon discovers, but there's something missing - confidence, understanding, maybe a bit of heart, but then Lu Han has only been with SM Entertainment for a few weeks, after all. Barely any change ever takes place in a few weeks.
Lu Han learns fast, though - doing runs begins to sound more natural for him a week into practicing how it's done, and he's able to get rid of the faint Chinese accent when singing Korean songs altogether in a matter of days. He somehow manages to secure a spot in some of the trainee cliques, and memorizes the menu in the cafeteria. It is astounding enough to warrant a scowl from Joonmyun during one of his worse days, when he feels something bottling in his chest.
"He's really good," Joonmyun admits after a while, over lunch. Jongin chokes on his food, chokes his laughter and looks at Joonmyun with crinkles in his eyes, instead.
"Finally accepted that, huh?"
Joonmyun shrugs. "He makes everything look so easy. I kinda-"
The grin on Jongin's lips grows wider.
A hand comes to rest on Joonmyun's shoulder, and Joonmyun quickly stops, turns his head to see who the newcomer is, and his breath hitches. "Is it okay if I sit with you?" Lu Han asks, and Joonmyun just nods.
The contact wasn't necessary. The bright smile wasn't, either, and Joonmyun's heart racing in his chest certainly was uncalled for. Completely uncalled for.
When Joonmyun's troubled, he resorts to knitting. Jongin often calls him old and boring for it but accompanies him when he buys materials, anyway, because, "That's for Chanyeol-hyung, right?"
"Favoritism," Joonmyun says, chuckling. He places the basket on the counter and beams at the cashier lady, then catches the sight of a familiar smile just behind her.
"Oh, wow." Lu Han's lips hang parted, a look of amusement on his features. Lu Han's lips are pink and small and they might be good for kissing, Joonmyun thinks, shouldn't be thinking. "You..."
"Yeah." Joonmyun raises the basket filled with yarn and knitting needles. He smiles sheepishly but it's completely unintended, and he knows it isn't because of the growing amusement on the smile on Lu Han's lips. "You, too."
Lu Han nods. His lips are pressed together now. "It helps me relax."
"Dream guy," comes Jongin's small voice from behind, and Joonmyun makes sure to put all of his weight on his left foot when he takes a small step back. The sound of Jongin yelping behind him is music to his ears.
Joonmyun tears his eyes from Lu Han when the cashier lady gives him the total amount he has to pay. When he risks a glance and looks up, Lu Han's eyes are still on him.
Knitting turns out to be more stressful than relaxing when Lu Han begins to call himself Joonmyun's knitting buddy.
Mondays to Wednesdays, Lu Han's schedule is booked with getaways to the nearest convenience store or anywhere Yixing wants to go. Thursdays after practice, meanwhile, are spent with Joonmyun, locked up in one of the smaller practice rooms, slumped on the floor, balls of yarn all around them. Lu Han would be the one doing most of the talking, telling him about his day and how he has to practice a Korean song at least three times just to make sure he gets the intonation and enunciation right, how dance practice is such a pain when he's in the same group as Jongin and Sehun because Jongin always sets the bar high, how much he's craving ice cream at the moment and, "Can we please, please grab ice cream on the way home?" Joonmyun ponders for a moment, leans back so he can get a better view of Lu Han - more distant, less intimate.
"Hyung, it's almost midnight."
"The convenience stores are open."
"It's not that."
Lu Han ties the knot and cuts the excess yarn. "Then what is it?"
It's grabbing ice cream with you and wanting to smush it in your face but that's not socially acceptable, Joonmyun wants to say, but then years of training with SM has molded him into the type of person who can mask his reactions well and quickly, the kind of person who will say one thing but mean the exact opposite, the kind of person who'll surrender to Lu Han and even buy him ice cream - two cones.
"Cones. We have to eat ice cream in cones."
"But I like cups."
Joonmyun snickers. Lu Han slaps him on the arm. The promise of having midnight ice cream is bright in Lu Han's eyes.
He shares the same vocal training as Lu Han for the next few weeks, and ice cream dates turn into coffee escapades. Lu Han insists on sneaking out for ice cream from time to time, and Joonmyun makes sure to remind him of their 8 a.m. call time, five hours straight of vocal practice, a composition class, and a few more gruelling hours of vocal practice. It doesn't come a surprise to him when he bumps into Lu Han one day and spots a pint of ice cream sitting at the bottom of the plastic bag he's carrying. He just laughs at Lu Han, loud enough for the latter to hear but soft enough so Lu Han doesn't get caught by the management.
(And then there are nights when, too tired from dance practice, they'll fall flat on their backs and stare at the ceiling and just talk until sleep comes to them. Yixing will be the first to drift off, and Lu Han will follow not too long after. Joonmyun stirs, wakes up at three in the morning, and Lu Han will be curled up against him. He'll tuck a few stray strands away from Lu Han's face and just stare until he feels a wave of exhaustion engulfing him again, until the voice at the back of his head grows louder, screaming at him, telling him that knitting budies, is that it? Knitting buddies?
Is that all?)
"So, who's the person keeping you from hanging out with us?"
Joonmyun furrows his eyebrows and gives Baekhyun an incredulous look. The last time he went out with this group was around four days ago, when dance practice was still manageable and Sehun wasn't an ass of a teammate during preparation for group performances. "Lee Sooman?" Joonmyun tries, and Baekhyun leers at him while Chanyeol laughs.
Kyungsoo's staring at him like he knows Joonmyun's hiding something. It's disconcerting.
"Is it your knitting buddy?"
Jongin giggles. "Oh. Your knitting buddy," he repeats, using airquotes for emphasis. "Or should I have replaced a vowel there with a different letter-"
Knitting buddies. The term still makes Joonmyun feel uneasy, like being called that makes their friendship less meaningful and a lot more laughable. Lu Han's more than a knitting buddy or the only friend who can match his enthusiasm for ice cream. Lu Han's a comrade, a vocal consultant, someone who watches his back and dotes on him from time to time, but is ready to offer helpful advice and a hug when needed. Lu Han is so much more.
"Lu Han," Joonmyun says. He clears his throat. "It's Lu Han, and we're not knitting buddies."
"Oh? What are you then?"
Friends. Partners in crime. Kids who assume an idol mask in preparation for an upcoming debut, but slip out of it the first chance they can.
Joonmyun smiles. "We are."
The problem with trainee life is that nothing's ever constant. You're shuffled from one group to another, given a different schedule smack in the middle of the week, and expected to adjust quickly. Joonmyun's put in a vocal training group with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, while Lu Han's grouped with Yixing, Minseok and Jongdae. "It's almost time," the management tells them. Joonmyun doesn't tell anyone, but he catches the faintest hint of a tear in the corner of Jongin's eyes when Jongin hears the news.
When the pressure becomes overwhelming, Joonmyun escapes, heads straight to the rooftop. The air is cold, but nothing he can't manage. By now, Joonmyun has gotten used to abrupt changes. This doesn't faze him.
"So, debut," comes a familiar voice from behind him. He looks over his shoulder and laughs a little at the sight - Lu Han's wearing a scarf around his neck and he's all bundled up, like he's afraid of even the slightest tinge of cold seeping through his skin. "Are you ready?"
"I've been training here for years." Joonmyun blows out, blows puffs of cold air, and suddenly he realizes that Lu Han's nearby. Close. Closer than expected. "I've been preparing for this all my life."
Lu Han's laughs, then places mitten-covered hands on Joonmyun's shoulders. Joonmyun looks at them, then smiles a little when he realizes that I made those. I made those mittens he's wearing.
"And this?"
"This." Lu Han presses closer and leans in, and their foreheads bump. "Are you ready for this?"
"Is this a test?" Joonmyun asks. He can feel his pulse quickening, can feel the steady thump thump thump in Lu Han's chest. Too close.
"And if it is?"
"I plan to ace it."
Lu Han smiles.
They stay like that for the next few minutes, until the alarm for the next vocal session that Joonmyun has set in his phone goes off, until he feels Lu Han shaking and laughing. "I have to go," Joonmyun says, but Lu Han's grip is firm on his shoulders and Lu Han presses his lips on Joonmyun's forehead.
"I thought the test would be harder," Joonmyun calls out when he looks over his shoulder before closing the door behind him. He catches the sound of Lu Han's laughter before he hears the soft 'click' of the locks.
"This will be your group, and you will be called EXO."
Joonmyun looks at the faces of the people in the room - familiar faces, all of them, faces he's come to trust and love and hate all at the same time. From across the room, he catches Lu Han staring, and Lu Han winks at his quick enough for him to think that he might just be seeing things. Or feeling.
"Bet you didn't see that coming," Lu Han says after the meeting, when he slides beside Joonmyun as they walk back to the practice room, this time to work on the choreography as a group of twelve.
Joonmyun slips an arm around Lu Han and pulls him close. "Bet you didn't see this coming, either."
Lu Han laughs and so does Joonmyun. It's a peculiar kind of music, but it's unexpectedly good.
Joonmyun likes it.
- Suho/Lu Han. PG. 2013 words.
- Joonmyun meets Lu Han. It isn't anything special, but it's not ordinary, either. It's something more.
- Written for the lovely supporters of suholiday 2013! Originally posted HERE. Thanks for the memories ♥
When Joonmyun sees Lu Han for the very first time, it isn't anything special. There aren't fireworks or explosions at the tips of his fingers or a choir singing in his ears, but there's something heavy brewing in his chest. Lu Han is Chinese and speaks Korean in a clear, almost unaccented manner, and maybe Lu Han is a bit too charming for his own good, and maybe he and Lu Han won't get along at all.
"What a fake," he mumbles, and Jongin elbows him in his side.
"Play nice, hyung. Didn't you tell me before to-"
Joonmyun turns to Jongin with a bright smile and crinkles in corner of his eyes. "You were saying?"
Lu Han approaches them with careful steps and a small smile on his lips. When he introduces himself, Joonmyun catches the hint of amazement in Lu Han's undertone, and he plays it again and again in his head until an image of a not-as-perfect Lu Han becomes clear in his mind.
"Kim Joonmyun," Joonmyun says as he extends his hand. He can feel his smile ripping his skin; it makes him sick. "Nice to meet you."
Lu Han's smile is blinding. It burns the back of Joonmyun's eyelids. "Nice to meet you, too."
In four out of five classes Joonmyun attends, Lu Han is in them. Lu Han is a great singer, Joonmyun soon discovers, but there's something missing - confidence, understanding, maybe a bit of heart, but then Lu Han has only been with SM Entertainment for a few weeks, after all. Barely any change ever takes place in a few weeks.
Lu Han learns fast, though - doing runs begins to sound more natural for him a week into practicing how it's done, and he's able to get rid of the faint Chinese accent when singing Korean songs altogether in a matter of days. He somehow manages to secure a spot in some of the trainee cliques, and memorizes the menu in the cafeteria. It is astounding enough to warrant a scowl from Joonmyun during one of his worse days, when he feels something bottling in his chest.
"He's really good," Joonmyun admits after a while, over lunch. Jongin chokes on his food, chokes his laughter and looks at Joonmyun with crinkles in his eyes, instead.
"Finally accepted that, huh?"
Joonmyun shrugs. "He makes everything look so easy. I kinda-"
The grin on Jongin's lips grows wider.
A hand comes to rest on Joonmyun's shoulder, and Joonmyun quickly stops, turns his head to see who the newcomer is, and his breath hitches. "Is it okay if I sit with you?" Lu Han asks, and Joonmyun just nods.
The contact wasn't necessary. The bright smile wasn't, either, and Joonmyun's heart racing in his chest certainly was uncalled for. Completely uncalled for.
When Joonmyun's troubled, he resorts to knitting. Jongin often calls him old and boring for it but accompanies him when he buys materials, anyway, because, "That's for Chanyeol-hyung, right?"
"Favoritism," Joonmyun says, chuckling. He places the basket on the counter and beams at the cashier lady, then catches the sight of a familiar smile just behind her.
"Oh, wow." Lu Han's lips hang parted, a look of amusement on his features. Lu Han's lips are pink and small and they might be good for kissing, Joonmyun thinks, shouldn't be thinking. "You..."
"Yeah." Joonmyun raises the basket filled with yarn and knitting needles. He smiles sheepishly but it's completely unintended, and he knows it isn't because of the growing amusement on the smile on Lu Han's lips. "You, too."
Lu Han nods. His lips are pressed together now. "It helps me relax."
"Dream guy," comes Jongin's small voice from behind, and Joonmyun makes sure to put all of his weight on his left foot when he takes a small step back. The sound of Jongin yelping behind him is music to his ears.
Joonmyun tears his eyes from Lu Han when the cashier lady gives him the total amount he has to pay. When he risks a glance and looks up, Lu Han's eyes are still on him.
Knitting turns out to be more stressful than relaxing when Lu Han begins to call himself Joonmyun's knitting buddy.
Mondays to Wednesdays, Lu Han's schedule is booked with getaways to the nearest convenience store or anywhere Yixing wants to go. Thursdays after practice, meanwhile, are spent with Joonmyun, locked up in one of the smaller practice rooms, slumped on the floor, balls of yarn all around them. Lu Han would be the one doing most of the talking, telling him about his day and how he has to practice a Korean song at least three times just to make sure he gets the intonation and enunciation right, how dance practice is such a pain when he's in the same group as Jongin and Sehun because Jongin always sets the bar high, how much he's craving ice cream at the moment and, "Can we please, please grab ice cream on the way home?" Joonmyun ponders for a moment, leans back so he can get a better view of Lu Han - more distant, less intimate.
"Hyung, it's almost midnight."
"The convenience stores are open."
"It's not that."
Lu Han ties the knot and cuts the excess yarn. "Then what is it?"
It's grabbing ice cream with you and wanting to smush it in your face but that's not socially acceptable, Joonmyun wants to say, but then years of training with SM has molded him into the type of person who can mask his reactions well and quickly, the kind of person who will say one thing but mean the exact opposite, the kind of person who'll surrender to Lu Han and even buy him ice cream - two cones.
"Cones. We have to eat ice cream in cones."
"But I like cups."
Joonmyun snickers. Lu Han slaps him on the arm. The promise of having midnight ice cream is bright in Lu Han's eyes.
He shares the same vocal training as Lu Han for the next few weeks, and ice cream dates turn into coffee escapades. Lu Han insists on sneaking out for ice cream from time to time, and Joonmyun makes sure to remind him of their 8 a.m. call time, five hours straight of vocal practice, a composition class, and a few more gruelling hours of vocal practice. It doesn't come a surprise to him when he bumps into Lu Han one day and spots a pint of ice cream sitting at the bottom of the plastic bag he's carrying. He just laughs at Lu Han, loud enough for the latter to hear but soft enough so Lu Han doesn't get caught by the management.
(And then there are nights when, too tired from dance practice, they'll fall flat on their backs and stare at the ceiling and just talk until sleep comes to them. Yixing will be the first to drift off, and Lu Han will follow not too long after. Joonmyun stirs, wakes up at three in the morning, and Lu Han will be curled up against him. He'll tuck a few stray strands away from Lu Han's face and just stare until he feels a wave of exhaustion engulfing him again, until the voice at the back of his head grows louder, screaming at him, telling him that knitting budies, is that it? Knitting buddies?
Is that all?)
"So, who's the person keeping you from hanging out with us?"
Joonmyun furrows his eyebrows and gives Baekhyun an incredulous look. The last time he went out with this group was around four days ago, when dance practice was still manageable and Sehun wasn't an ass of a teammate during preparation for group performances. "Lee Sooman?" Joonmyun tries, and Baekhyun leers at him while Chanyeol laughs.
Kyungsoo's staring at him like he knows Joonmyun's hiding something. It's disconcerting.
"Is it your knitting buddy?"
Jongin giggles. "Oh. Your knitting buddy," he repeats, using airquotes for emphasis. "Or should I have replaced a vowel there with a different letter-"
Knitting buddies. The term still makes Joonmyun feel uneasy, like being called that makes their friendship less meaningful and a lot more laughable. Lu Han's more than a knitting buddy or the only friend who can match his enthusiasm for ice cream. Lu Han's a comrade, a vocal consultant, someone who watches his back and dotes on him from time to time, but is ready to offer helpful advice and a hug when needed. Lu Han is so much more.
"Lu Han," Joonmyun says. He clears his throat. "It's Lu Han, and we're not knitting buddies."
"Oh? What are you then?"
Friends. Partners in crime. Kids who assume an idol mask in preparation for an upcoming debut, but slip out of it the first chance they can.
Joonmyun smiles. "We are."
The problem with trainee life is that nothing's ever constant. You're shuffled from one group to another, given a different schedule smack in the middle of the week, and expected to adjust quickly. Joonmyun's put in a vocal training group with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, while Lu Han's grouped with Yixing, Minseok and Jongdae. "It's almost time," the management tells them. Joonmyun doesn't tell anyone, but he catches the faintest hint of a tear in the corner of Jongin's eyes when Jongin hears the news.
When the pressure becomes overwhelming, Joonmyun escapes, heads straight to the rooftop. The air is cold, but nothing he can't manage. By now, Joonmyun has gotten used to abrupt changes. This doesn't faze him.
"So, debut," comes a familiar voice from behind him. He looks over his shoulder and laughs a little at the sight - Lu Han's wearing a scarf around his neck and he's all bundled up, like he's afraid of even the slightest tinge of cold seeping through his skin. "Are you ready?"
"I've been training here for years." Joonmyun blows out, blows puffs of cold air, and suddenly he realizes that Lu Han's nearby. Close. Closer than expected. "I've been preparing for this all my life."
Lu Han's laughs, then places mitten-covered hands on Joonmyun's shoulders. Joonmyun looks at them, then smiles a little when he realizes that I made those. I made those mittens he's wearing.
"And this?"
"This." Lu Han presses closer and leans in, and their foreheads bump. "Are you ready for this?"
"Is this a test?" Joonmyun asks. He can feel his pulse quickening, can feel the steady thump thump thump in Lu Han's chest. Too close.
"And if it is?"
"I plan to ace it."
Lu Han smiles.
They stay like that for the next few minutes, until the alarm for the next vocal session that Joonmyun has set in his phone goes off, until he feels Lu Han shaking and laughing. "I have to go," Joonmyun says, but Lu Han's grip is firm on his shoulders and Lu Han presses his lips on Joonmyun's forehead.
"I thought the test would be harder," Joonmyun calls out when he looks over his shoulder before closing the door behind him. He catches the sound of Lu Han's laughter before he hears the soft 'click' of the locks.
"This will be your group, and you will be called EXO."
Joonmyun looks at the faces of the people in the room - familiar faces, all of them, faces he's come to trust and love and hate all at the same time. From across the room, he catches Lu Han staring, and Lu Han winks at his quick enough for him to think that he might just be seeing things. Or feeling.
"Bet you didn't see that coming," Lu Han says after the meeting, when he slides beside Joonmyun as they walk back to the practice room, this time to work on the choreography as a group of twelve.
Joonmyun slips an arm around Lu Han and pulls him close. "Bet you didn't see this coming, either."
Lu Han laughs and so does Joonmyun. It's a peculiar kind of music, but it's unexpectedly good.
Joonmyun likes it.