"see all those people on the ground...wasting time..."
Hey. Its been a while hasnt it? Funny how I just randomly remember my livejournal and make a post and then forget about it for months. I think the last time I posted was august? Maybe not. Idk. But anyways. I'm sick as fuck. I hate having colds. Then again doesnt everyone. So you guys I'm on my THIRD laptop. cuz we all know what happened to the first one. the second one just was a crappy brand i guess. idk. lmfao. but on a serious note... everyday in 7th period class[history...cuz its not important] I write down my problems in a notebook. if i had the notbook up here with me i'd write my shit down. sometimes my thoughts are fucked up though. like especially when im high. i was thinking about this the other day. when i'm high my thoughts are crazy. its kinda funny actually. cuz sometimes i feel like people can read my thoughts. i know. its not possible but how weird would that be? i'd be fucked. and i think about dying a lot when im high and i also think about "him" but he will remain nameless. its always the same guy. its been a year and a few months since we broke up. i should be over him. i think about him the most when im high. and i think i know the reason i dont talk anymore when im high. because when i got high with him that was the last time i talked when i was high. cuz i only felt comfortable talking to him about all the fucked up shit i think about when im high. i mean dont get me wrong i do talk when im high but noit a lot. if someone says something to me i answer and stuff but i dont talk much. and i think thats why. so anywayss. back to hiiiim. i havent talked to him in so long. he ruined me. he might not know it but since him i just stopped trying. i dont care about much anything or anyone anymore. i dont let myself care for anyone because i'm so afraid of getting hurt. and sometimes im even stupid enough to think that maybe he'll come back to me, but i know deep down it'll never happen. it was just something that would never last. "to you i'm like a flavor that wouldn't last. you took one bite and spat me out real fast. and now this mark remains, it will never ever go away." who but From First To Last could explain it any better? They are quite amazing, yes? lmfao. But anyway... that lyric i posted is exactly how it is and how it always will be. it hurts. i hope someone comes along and breaks his heart like he did to me. but i dont hate him. i never will because i'm still in love with him. the feelings will always be there, but in the words of Leona Lewis "it will all get better in time." but anyways...im done writing this now.
be safe kiddos. ;]
-K.Shadz <3