DCBB Fic (Dean/Cas): In, Out of the Dark (Chapts 12a-13/20+Epilogue)
Title: In, Out of the Dark
Author: heavenlyxbodies
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Rating: NC17
Spoilers: let’s just call it S5 and be done with it, yeah
Feedback: Makes me happy, just play nice
Disclaimer(s) can be found here
Beta: the lovely kimisgirl *hugs*- anything still wrong is probably me ignoring her advice
Alpha: my dearest kyokohitsuji
Warnings/Squicks: ANGST, pre-het, depictions of Hell, did I mention the angst
Masterlist for crystal_line 's beautiful art!
~~~~~~~~~Chapter 12a~~~~~~~~~
Castiel waited patiently as Dean got his bearings. “You need to eat,” he stated, “I believe there is a diner down the street.”
Dean grunted. He was confused. Cas came back. His mind was having trouble processing this information, people left Dean, they did not come back. But here Cas was, not a wrinkle on his trench coat out of place.
He stood staring at himself in the mirror wondering how he’d gotten to such a place. He’d been so lost without Sammy, then Cas had shown up and he’d almost felt normal, well, as normal as anyone with the name of Winchester could. Then there was that kiss, or day of kisses. Dean had felt so at peace, and genuinely happy. Winchesters, Dean especially, didn’t get either peace or happiness, so when Cas left to deal with Raphael he’d assumed the angel wasn’t coming back, at least not coming back for him.
“I thought you said we needed to talk?”
“Yes, we do, and we will, but not before you eat something, You have enough trouble listening to me when you aren’t hungry, let alone before your coffee,” he answered sardonically, sitting on the bed flipping idly through one of the books the hunter took care to keep hidden from the prying eyes of his brother. Dean had an image to keep up after all.
“Sure, whatever,” he answered trying to sound nonchalant, but coming across more petulant.
Cas watched from across the table as Dean lapped up the last of the syrup on his plate with a small piece of pancake and tossed it in his mouth. He looked up at Cas, expectantly. “All fed and caffeinated, now what did you want to talk about.”
“Not here, at the house.”
Dean glared for a moment before shrugging his shoulders, tossing some bills on the table, and heading out the door.
Once back inside, Cas slammed Dean against the wall, holding him just off the ground with one arm pressed tight across Dean’s chest. “What in all of Creation did you think you were doing?”
“Cas. I…” he choked. He’d expected to look up and see Cas’ hard angry blue eyes staring at him in revulsion; the last time Cas had been like this Dean had barely walked away alive. What he hadn’t expected to see was fear and sadness. It broke something in his heart to know he’d somehow caused his angel that much pain. Dean went slack against Castiel’s iron hold.
Feeling Dean give in, Castiel released his tight pressure on Dean’s chest allowing him to touch the ground. Cas closed his eyes, his face hard as if he was trying to control some immense power. Finally, the angel opened his eyes. They were bright and wet and everything Dean never wanted his angel to feel.
“Cas?” Dean whispered so softly that he wasn’t even sure that Cas would hear him.
Cas leant forward until their foreheads met. One word hung on his lips, an important, too often discarded word, “Why?”
“You were gone, Sammy’s gone, why not. At least then I felt something other than pain and nothingness.” Dean never understood why he couldn’t lie to Cas, why he didn’t want to lie to him. It made him admit some very stupid things, like this.
“I told you I would return,” Cas whispered against Dean’s flushed cheek. “I will always return to you.”
Dean whimpered, pressing his cheek into Cas’ face and finding comfort in the feel of stubble, warm and rugged, against his own.
“Dean, do you not understand what you mean to me?” Cas nuzzled Dean’s neck, “Every day I thought of you.” He kissed Dean’s shoulder. “Every day I refused to seek you out, I was sure that you were happy in your new life.” Blue eyes slid closed, taking in the feel of Dean against him, moving his arm from across Dean’s chest to rest his hand on Dean’s hip. “I thought I had no place in your world,” panted breath puffed against Dean’s skin as his angel spoke. “Now, I know differently.”
“Please,” Dean begged though he wasn’t sure what for.
Castiel seemed to understand as he pulled the hunter with him towards the bed. He shook the ever present coat and jacket from his shoulders then eased off Dean’s flannel as he went. He would make certain that Dean knew what he felt, how much he was loved. He pressed Dean gently onto the bed, lying out on top of him as he continued to kiss and nuzzle his exposed neck. “You have no idea what you put me through every day,” he declared huskily and without malice. “Gabriel tells me it is what humans feel constantly.”
Dean opened his mouth to tell Cas that his brother was a total mood killer, but the angel shushed him with a finger to his lips.
“It is my turn to speak, and for once you will listen.”
The fire in Castiel’s eyes was enough to shock Dean into silence even if his words had not been enough. He nodded dumbly.
Castiel kissed lazily down Dean’s neck, tugging up his t-shirt and sliding his hands beneath to touch the warm flesh. The quiet intake of breath from the mortal bringing a smile to Cas’ face. He sat up, straddling Dean’s lap pulling Dean’s t-shirt up and over his head. He gasped at the fresh scars over his hunter’s ribs and abdomen. “Dean,” he whispered, tracing over each new scar with his fingertips and shaking his head. “You should not be so reckless.”
Dean made to speak, but was stopped by a look from his angel.
“You are worth more than this.” He kissed the first of the scars. His head tilted trying to understand how Dean could care so little for himself; this was more than his normal self-sacrificing nature. This was Dean not caring. Without a word Castiel followed the lines of scars over and around Dean’s body, treating every one as if it was as precious to him as Dean himself was.
Dean flinched every time Cas kissed the healed wounds or touched them with his feather-light caress. His eyes welling with tears, the memories of loneliness, abandonment and loss all grabbing hold under Cas’ loving touch.
Castiel’s hand ran down Dean’s face, thumb brushing at the tears that seemed to leak unbidden from hazel eyes. He let his touch slide down Dean’s cheek and jaw before pulling back to remove his tie and unbutton his shirt.
Bare chests lay flush to each other as he finally met Dean’s mouth in a full bodied kiss. Tongues played against each other, painting themselves with strokes and twists of desire and love. Cas’ kisses moved down to follow Dean’s jawline, then the long curve of his neck and down his collar bone.
Dean’s hands grappled at Cas’ back not wanting to let him go, even if it was only to move down his body with loving kisses and sensual touches. He didn’t want Cas to leave, and he whimpered in response. He finally found purchase wrapping one hand in the angel’s hair.
Working the fastenings on Dean’s jeans, Cas smiled at the tug in his hair, Dean was reaching for connection, he was trying not to be alone. Cas popped open the denim pulling it down and apart enough to let the tip of his erection poke out tantalizingly.
Dean hissed at the brush of air as his cock was freed, but didn’t relinquish his hold on Cas’ mussed hair.
A hand reached up to Dean’s, untangling it from the dark locks of his lover. Fingers intertwined and Cas pulled them down to his lips, kissing every knuckle and then the palm at the wrist.
The angel kissed and nipped his way back up Dean’s chest, taking time to lavish attention on his hunter’s nipples. Sucking one hard into his mouth and twirling his tongue around the sensitive flesh, taking the other between his fingers and rolling it until it was a hard nub begging to be twisted and pinched.
Moaning loudly, Dean began to writhe and squirm beneath him, wanting more and wishing he was allowed to feel these things.
As if reading his thoughts, which he may have been, Cas released Dean’s nipple, “Noncf chis drilpi Madriiax. Noncf chis limlal drilpi tol. Tol glo dlugan nonce drilpi nomig ol adgt dluga,” he whispered trailing kisses up Dean’s body until he was breathing the last words against the shell of Dean’s ear, biting it gently.
“Cas,” Dean’s voice cracked, his body and soul understanding the words of his angel even though his brain didn’t.
“I’m here, Dean,” he answered calmly, nuzzling Dean’s shoulder. “I want this,” his hips rocked against Dean’s, “I want you.”
Dean shook his head. He couldn’t understand; he was damaged, no good to anyone, especially those he loved.
Cas knew how infuriating and self-loathing Dean could be, and he knew exactly what Dean was thinking. “Dean, however much you doubt your worthiness, do you also doubt me that much?” Cas knew it wasn’t the kindest card to play, but he also knew it would get the most honest reaction from him.
“No,” Dean breathed. His green eyes burned with inner passion and unshed tears.
The angel smiled, stroking Dean’s face. He rolled his hips into Dean’s giving them both a taste of much needed friction, before rising to remove the remainder of their clothes. Cas sucked in a breath, looking over the man laid out before him, once again struck by the wonder of him.
~~~~~~~~~Chapter 12b~~~~~~~~~
Dean had never been shy about his body, but it usually wasn’t being examined by someone who could see through him beyond the flesh and the outward marring on his skin to the lesions that covered his soul. Knowing it was Cas, his Cas, made him feel filthy and it made him squirm.
“So beautiful,” the angel murmured, nestling between Dean’s legs, running careful hands over his thighs and abdomen trying to soothe him.
Closing his eyes, Dean shook his head against the loving words.
“Dean,” Castiel whispered, “look at me.”
When Dean made no move to open his eyes, Cas added, “Please.”
The word, so softly spoken, startled Dean into looking at him. The smile and hungry glint that greeted him in Cas’ eyes took his breath away. “Cas.”
Castiel placed a steadying hand on Den’s hip, bending forward until his mouth hovered just above Dean’s throbbing flesh, teasing for a moment before running his tongue along the underside and eliciting a blissful cry from his hunter. Only to have it be strangled off when Cas took the full length of him into his mouth.
As Castiel worked his mouth enticingly over Dean’s cock, experimenting with pressure and swaths of his tongue, licking the pre-cum from the slit, he slowly began to tease himself slicking a finger and circling his entrance. Pushing against the tight opening with every down stroke onto his lovers’ shaft. When his finger finally pushed inside, a vibrating moan ricocheted through Dean’s body causing an answering cry.
Castiel only faltered for a moment before picking up his previous pace, thrusting onto Dean’s cock as he thrust into himself, loosening the muscles to take a second and eventually a third finger.
With a powerful suck he pulled himself from Dean’s flesh, taking a last taste of pre-cum as he went. Cas moved to straddle Dean’s thighs, one hand pressed to his chest, the other firmly holding Dean’s erection as he lined himself up to be filled and stretched.
Suddenly, Dean’s warm finger’s wrapped around Castiel’s wrist.
Castiel’s eyes locked on Dean, worried; wondering what had made the hunter react so.
Dean held the wrist firmly as he shook his head; the movement calm and sure, and so unlike his reactions from earlier. Cas had told him he wanted this and to believe him. He’d lavished words and love and feelings on him and somewhere in there Dean had begun to let himself accept what Castiel, Angel of the Lord, was giving him. And now, he needed this, needed to be the one to give, and right or wrong he wanted it, wanted to give himself to Cas. The angel already owned his soul, his very being, and Dean was finally ready for him to take his flesh. “Take me.”
The angel cocked his head, studying Dean, weighing his words. He released Dean’s erection and slid down to rest on Dean’s thighs a slow, soft smile spreading over his face. He knew what this meant to Dean. It was a turning point, a crux of power and trust, now he had to show Dean what it meant to him. Long graceful fingers ran along Dean’s face and down his chest. “Droln glo bagle nonca,” he stared hard into Dean’s eyes, knowing the man understood.
Dean released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, his whole body relaxing with the exhalation. The fingers wrapped around Cas’ wrist relinquished their hold, instead tracing circles on the underside of the angel’s wrist causing Cas to shiver ever so slightly and Dean to smile at his reaction.
Castiel slipped his knees between Dean’s legs, loving the trust and the way Dean opened himself up for him, lifting himself to rest his legs around Cas’ waist.
Silently, Cas slicked his fingers. He teased and caressed the small patch of skin behind Dean’s balls, dipping along the puckered flesh of his entrance.
Dean’s breath hitched, the touches sending sweet shock waves throughout his body.
Easily, Cas pressed his finger into Dean’s relaxed body. His hand stroked along Dean’s stomach, a soft, soothing counterpoint to his invading touches. Soon he was able to add a second finger, curling his fingers and stretching the firm muscles, pumping them in and out of Dean’s body in a slow infuriating rhythm.
“More,” Dean hissed, a plea as much as a demand.
Nodding once, Cas pressed a third finger into Dean’s willing body, working them gently to fully stretch him.
With a twist and curl of his fingers, Cas pulled out of his lover, adjusting the angle of Dean’s hips, arching them as his legs tightening around Cas’ waist.
Cas lined himself up with Dean, slowly pushing into him, the tight muscles giving way easily. Castiel’s breath stuttered as he tried to control himself amidst the overpowering feelings rushing through his human body.
Finally, he slid home, flush against the hot skin of his lover, Dean’s legs impossibly tight around him. They both froze. The feelings almost too much for them both. But then Dean’s legs pulled the angel closer, deeper as they clamped around him. Cas made short little, experimental thrusts, eliciting small gasping whimpers from his lover. As he pulled back and out of Dean he shared the moan of loss that fell from Dean’s mouth, and the matching moan of pleasure as he pushed back in.
Cas watched their movements carefully, as if he was amazed and awed by their lovemaking. There was something beautiful about the joining, of seeing himself disappear into his lover, to know that however fleetingly he was physically a part of him. The knowledge made Cas shiver violently, his control slipping as the thought consumed him. In these moments he was part of Dean as close as any one human being could be to another. This was Heaven. “Noas la,” he whispered quietly, bending down to kiss his lover swallowing their moans with warm open-mouthed kisses.
Dean’s hands, which before had been clawing mindlessly at the sheets, now clawed and gripped for purchase on Cas’ back causing the angel to arch back into the touch.
Their bodies writhed together, Dean’s hard cock trapped between them creating sensations neither had felt before. The smooth friction of Cas’ skin against the velvety flesh, the dribble of pre-cum slicking their skin, the feeling of each other, it was quickly becoming more than either could bear.
Sitting, Castiel pulled Dean’s hands into his own, lacing their fingers together and holding on as if his very existence depended on this connection with his hunter.
Dean’s blunt nails tried to dig their way into his angel’s flesh, grabbing him, claiming him in some small way as his own. This, this meeting of body and soul, was everything Dean needed to believe. Cas was his. He was claiming him with every movement, every touch. Dean had given himself to his angel and for the first time in his life he felt free, Cas had him, would always have him and Dean let himself succumb to the feeling.
Eyes locked each staring into the bare soul of the other, each seeing themselves reflected and accepted in the other. Soon, their thrusts became erratic, bodies pounding and squeezing, until Castiel exploded inside Dean’s tight body.
Dean’s name screamed from Castiel’s lips as his cock twitched and pumped spurts of hot burning cum inside his lover.
Warmth filled him, spreading through him as his own release slammed into him, thick white strands of cum shooting between their bodies, painting both of them in trails of sticky cum.
Cas fell forward seeking out Dean’s mouth, kissing him lazily as they both came down. Something in those lazy, wonderful kisses and the way his arms fit around his angel as Cas curled into Dean’s side made Dean feel strong in a way he hadn’t in months. Dean knew he wasn’t okay, but he was better and he had Cas.
Castiel stroked Dean’s chest thinking away the mess they’d made as his hunter smiled dreamily and began to doze. Sliding his hand to the scar he’d left on Dean’s arm, fitting his hand perfectly over the coloured flesh, he whispered against Dean’s chest, “Ozien, paid.”
---------
LOOSE TRANSLATIONS FOR MEANING, NOT NECESSARILY WORD FOR WORD:
-Noncf chis drilpi Madriiax. Noncf chis limlal drilpi tol. Tol glo dlugan nonce drilpi nomig ol adgt dluga.
You are worth more than the Heavens. You are loved more than life. You deserve more than even I can give.
-Droln glo bagle nonca
Anything for you
-Noas la
We are become one
-Ozien, paid.
Mine, always
~~~~~~~~~Chapter 13~~~~~~~~~
Dean awoke to a solid warmth against his back and an arm wrapped tightly around his waist. He squeezed his eyes shut, as a flood of feelings he didn’t know what to do with engulfed him. Cas had stayed. Cas loved him. Cas just… was. His closed eyes relaxed, having never quite opened, as he let himself fall into his angel.
Castiel smiled, Dean’s spiky hair tickling his lips, while his fingers ran through the short strands.
“Cas,” Dean finally whispered.
“Yes,” nuzzling Dean’s neck.
“Don’t leave.”
Cas smiled, “Gabriel has everything under control and Raphael is no longer in a position where he can threaten us.”
“Good,” Dean answered, pulling Cas’ arm tighter around him. He didn’t care if he was cuddling, there was no one to see it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~
Castiel hated seeing Dean like this, bruised and bleeding, but it was becoming more common. It wasn’t that Dean was falling back into that reckless hatred that had tried to consume him- Cas had seen to that, he’d spent the first week after Raphael’s defeat fixing the damage the archangel had done to Dean’s psyche. No, these injuries were purely from hunting. Nasty things getting the upper hand for a moment before Dean could dispatch them. The mistakes were simple, the kind he’d never seen Dean make, even at his worst. Cas ran a hand gently over Dean’s wounds watching as they disappeared beneath his touch.
“Thanks, Cas,” Dean whispered half asleep.
The angel smiled, kissing Dean’s forehead, “You are quite welcome.” Shucking his clothes, he slid into the bed beside his sleeping hunter, pressing up close to him, molding his body to Dean’s.
Even with his presence, Dean’s sleep was restless. Cas expected it. Dean’s sleep had always been fitful, especially after losing Sam, but this was steadily growing worse. Dean tossed about, pushing and fighting with non-existent creatures, and moaning and whimpering in pain, every so often Sam’s name escaped his lips. It was easy to guess what Dean was dreaming about and it didn’t matter how close Cas held him, how many reassuring words or calming touches he offered, nothing seemed to ease Dean’s discomfort.
Cas didn’t approve of spying on Dean’s thoughts and dreams, although he couldn’t deny how glad he was that Gabriel had, but right now he was tempted to. He would have to speak to Dean in the morning; see if he could get the stubborn man to admit what was troubling him- somehow he doubted his answers would be easily won.
---
“Dean?” Cas wasn’t sure this was the best way to broach the subject, but he needed to know what was wrong with Dean if he ever hoped to be able to help him.
“Hmm,” Dean continued putting his boots on waiting for his angel to speak.
“Your dreams are getting worse. Are you sleeping well?”
Dean looked at Cas as if he’d grown a second head, knowing his angel never asked such simple questions without already having the answer.
“Why?” his voice shook.
“You’re sleep has been uneasy for weeks. It is affecting your ability to hunt. You need rest Dean.”
Dean closed his eyes, not sure if he was ready to have this conversation. He’d finally accepted how Cas felt about him, that he was truly loved by the angel. He still questioned it; he wouldn’t be Dean if he didn’t, but he actually believed Cas when he said he loved him and would always come back. It’s why his current dreams seemed almost like a betrayal.
“Please Dean, I want to help.” His deep voice nothing more than a breath on the air as he sat beside his hunter.
“Cas, I…” he shook his head, how could he tell Cas that his dreams were filled with images of his brother and the things Lucifer would be doing to him. Dean had been there, he knew what Alistair could do, and how much more Lucifer himself could. “I just need time on this one, okay,” he pleaded.
The words and the way Dean was so reluctant to tell him what was bothering him was enough to tell the angel he was right about what it was, or rather who it was.
Cas smiled fondly at the man he loved. “I love you, Dean Winchester and I will do anything in my power to make you happy,” he peppered kisses along his neck, snaking his arms around Dean, distracting him from the discomfort he’d caused with his questions.
Dean leaned back into Cas’ embrace. “I am such a bad influence on you,” he teased.
Castiel buried his face in Dean’s neck, breathing in his hunter. Now that he knew what was troubling Dean, Cas knew what he needed to do and the one person who could help him.
--- NEXT
--- PREVIOUS
Author: heavenlyxbodies
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Rating: NC17
Spoilers: let’s just call it S5 and be done with it, yeah
Feedback: Makes me happy, just play nice
Disclaimer(s) can be found here
Beta: the lovely kimisgirl *hugs*- anything still wrong is probably me ignoring her advice
Alpha: my dearest kyokohitsuji
Warnings/Squicks: ANGST, pre-het, depictions of Hell, did I mention the angst
Masterlist for crystal_line 's beautiful art!
~~~~~~~~~Chapter 12a~~~~~~~~~
Castiel waited patiently as Dean got his bearings. “You need to eat,” he stated, “I believe there is a diner down the street.”
Dean grunted. He was confused. Cas came back. His mind was having trouble processing this information, people left Dean, they did not come back. But here Cas was, not a wrinkle on his trench coat out of place.
He stood staring at himself in the mirror wondering how he’d gotten to such a place. He’d been so lost without Sammy, then Cas had shown up and he’d almost felt normal, well, as normal as anyone with the name of Winchester could. Then there was that kiss, or day of kisses. Dean had felt so at peace, and genuinely happy. Winchesters, Dean especially, didn’t get either peace or happiness, so when Cas left to deal with Raphael he’d assumed the angel wasn’t coming back, at least not coming back for him.
“I thought you said we needed to talk?”
“Yes, we do, and we will, but not before you eat something, You have enough trouble listening to me when you aren’t hungry, let alone before your coffee,” he answered sardonically, sitting on the bed flipping idly through one of the books the hunter took care to keep hidden from the prying eyes of his brother. Dean had an image to keep up after all.
“Sure, whatever,” he answered trying to sound nonchalant, but coming across more petulant.
Cas watched from across the table as Dean lapped up the last of the syrup on his plate with a small piece of pancake and tossed it in his mouth. He looked up at Cas, expectantly. “All fed and caffeinated, now what did you want to talk about.”
“Not here, at the house.”
Dean glared for a moment before shrugging his shoulders, tossing some bills on the table, and heading out the door.
Once back inside, Cas slammed Dean against the wall, holding him just off the ground with one arm pressed tight across Dean’s chest. “What in all of Creation did you think you were doing?”
“Cas. I…” he choked. He’d expected to look up and see Cas’ hard angry blue eyes staring at him in revulsion; the last time Cas had been like this Dean had barely walked away alive. What he hadn’t expected to see was fear and sadness. It broke something in his heart to know he’d somehow caused his angel that much pain. Dean went slack against Castiel’s iron hold.
Feeling Dean give in, Castiel released his tight pressure on Dean’s chest allowing him to touch the ground. Cas closed his eyes, his face hard as if he was trying to control some immense power. Finally, the angel opened his eyes. They were bright and wet and everything Dean never wanted his angel to feel.
“Cas?” Dean whispered so softly that he wasn’t even sure that Cas would hear him.
Cas leant forward until their foreheads met. One word hung on his lips, an important, too often discarded word, “Why?”
“You were gone, Sammy’s gone, why not. At least then I felt something other than pain and nothingness.” Dean never understood why he couldn’t lie to Cas, why he didn’t want to lie to him. It made him admit some very stupid things, like this.
“I told you I would return,” Cas whispered against Dean’s flushed cheek. “I will always return to you.”
Dean whimpered, pressing his cheek into Cas’ face and finding comfort in the feel of stubble, warm and rugged, against his own.
“Dean, do you not understand what you mean to me?” Cas nuzzled Dean’s neck, “Every day I thought of you.” He kissed Dean’s shoulder. “Every day I refused to seek you out, I was sure that you were happy in your new life.” Blue eyes slid closed, taking in the feel of Dean against him, moving his arm from across Dean’s chest to rest his hand on Dean’s hip. “I thought I had no place in your world,” panted breath puffed against Dean’s skin as his angel spoke. “Now, I know differently.”
“Please,” Dean begged though he wasn’t sure what for.
Castiel seemed to understand as he pulled the hunter with him towards the bed. He shook the ever present coat and jacket from his shoulders then eased off Dean’s flannel as he went. He would make certain that Dean knew what he felt, how much he was loved. He pressed Dean gently onto the bed, lying out on top of him as he continued to kiss and nuzzle his exposed neck. “You have no idea what you put me through every day,” he declared huskily and without malice. “Gabriel tells me it is what humans feel constantly.”
Dean opened his mouth to tell Cas that his brother was a total mood killer, but the angel shushed him with a finger to his lips.
“It is my turn to speak, and for once you will listen.”
The fire in Castiel’s eyes was enough to shock Dean into silence even if his words had not been enough. He nodded dumbly.
Castiel kissed lazily down Dean’s neck, tugging up his t-shirt and sliding his hands beneath to touch the warm flesh. The quiet intake of breath from the mortal bringing a smile to Cas’ face. He sat up, straddling Dean’s lap pulling Dean’s t-shirt up and over his head. He gasped at the fresh scars over his hunter’s ribs and abdomen. “Dean,” he whispered, tracing over each new scar with his fingertips and shaking his head. “You should not be so reckless.”
Dean made to speak, but was stopped by a look from his angel.
“You are worth more than this.” He kissed the first of the scars. His head tilted trying to understand how Dean could care so little for himself; this was more than his normal self-sacrificing nature. This was Dean not caring. Without a word Castiel followed the lines of scars over and around Dean’s body, treating every one as if it was as precious to him as Dean himself was.
Dean flinched every time Cas kissed the healed wounds or touched them with his feather-light caress. His eyes welling with tears, the memories of loneliness, abandonment and loss all grabbing hold under Cas’ loving touch.
Castiel’s hand ran down Dean’s face, thumb brushing at the tears that seemed to leak unbidden from hazel eyes. He let his touch slide down Dean’s cheek and jaw before pulling back to remove his tie and unbutton his shirt.
Bare chests lay flush to each other as he finally met Dean’s mouth in a full bodied kiss. Tongues played against each other, painting themselves with strokes and twists of desire and love. Cas’ kisses moved down to follow Dean’s jawline, then the long curve of his neck and down his collar bone.
Dean’s hands grappled at Cas’ back not wanting to let him go, even if it was only to move down his body with loving kisses and sensual touches. He didn’t want Cas to leave, and he whimpered in response. He finally found purchase wrapping one hand in the angel’s hair.
Working the fastenings on Dean’s jeans, Cas smiled at the tug in his hair, Dean was reaching for connection, he was trying not to be alone. Cas popped open the denim pulling it down and apart enough to let the tip of his erection poke out tantalizingly.
Dean hissed at the brush of air as his cock was freed, but didn’t relinquish his hold on Cas’ mussed hair.
A hand reached up to Dean’s, untangling it from the dark locks of his lover. Fingers intertwined and Cas pulled them down to his lips, kissing every knuckle and then the palm at the wrist.
The angel kissed and nipped his way back up Dean’s chest, taking time to lavish attention on his hunter’s nipples. Sucking one hard into his mouth and twirling his tongue around the sensitive flesh, taking the other between his fingers and rolling it until it was a hard nub begging to be twisted and pinched.
Moaning loudly, Dean began to writhe and squirm beneath him, wanting more and wishing he was allowed to feel these things.
As if reading his thoughts, which he may have been, Cas released Dean’s nipple, “Noncf chis drilpi Madriiax. Noncf chis limlal drilpi tol. Tol glo dlugan nonce drilpi nomig ol adgt dluga,” he whispered trailing kisses up Dean’s body until he was breathing the last words against the shell of Dean’s ear, biting it gently.
“Cas,” Dean’s voice cracked, his body and soul understanding the words of his angel even though his brain didn’t.
“I’m here, Dean,” he answered calmly, nuzzling Dean’s shoulder. “I want this,” his hips rocked against Dean’s, “I want you.”
Dean shook his head. He couldn’t understand; he was damaged, no good to anyone, especially those he loved.
Cas knew how infuriating and self-loathing Dean could be, and he knew exactly what Dean was thinking. “Dean, however much you doubt your worthiness, do you also doubt me that much?” Cas knew it wasn’t the kindest card to play, but he also knew it would get the most honest reaction from him.
“No,” Dean breathed. His green eyes burned with inner passion and unshed tears.
The angel smiled, stroking Dean’s face. He rolled his hips into Dean’s giving them both a taste of much needed friction, before rising to remove the remainder of their clothes. Cas sucked in a breath, looking over the man laid out before him, once again struck by the wonder of him.
~~~~~~~~~Chapter 12b~~~~~~~~~
Dean had never been shy about his body, but it usually wasn’t being examined by someone who could see through him beyond the flesh and the outward marring on his skin to the lesions that covered his soul. Knowing it was Cas, his Cas, made him feel filthy and it made him squirm.
“So beautiful,” the angel murmured, nestling between Dean’s legs, running careful hands over his thighs and abdomen trying to soothe him.
Closing his eyes, Dean shook his head against the loving words.
“Dean,” Castiel whispered, “look at me.”
When Dean made no move to open his eyes, Cas added, “Please.”
The word, so softly spoken, startled Dean into looking at him. The smile and hungry glint that greeted him in Cas’ eyes took his breath away. “Cas.”
Castiel placed a steadying hand on Den’s hip, bending forward until his mouth hovered just above Dean’s throbbing flesh, teasing for a moment before running his tongue along the underside and eliciting a blissful cry from his hunter. Only to have it be strangled off when Cas took the full length of him into his mouth.
As Castiel worked his mouth enticingly over Dean’s cock, experimenting with pressure and swaths of his tongue, licking the pre-cum from the slit, he slowly began to tease himself slicking a finger and circling his entrance. Pushing against the tight opening with every down stroke onto his lovers’ shaft. When his finger finally pushed inside, a vibrating moan ricocheted through Dean’s body causing an answering cry.
Castiel only faltered for a moment before picking up his previous pace, thrusting onto Dean’s cock as he thrust into himself, loosening the muscles to take a second and eventually a third finger.
With a powerful suck he pulled himself from Dean’s flesh, taking a last taste of pre-cum as he went. Cas moved to straddle Dean’s thighs, one hand pressed to his chest, the other firmly holding Dean’s erection as he lined himself up to be filled and stretched.
Suddenly, Dean’s warm finger’s wrapped around Castiel’s wrist.
Castiel’s eyes locked on Dean, worried; wondering what had made the hunter react so.
Dean held the wrist firmly as he shook his head; the movement calm and sure, and so unlike his reactions from earlier. Cas had told him he wanted this and to believe him. He’d lavished words and love and feelings on him and somewhere in there Dean had begun to let himself accept what Castiel, Angel of the Lord, was giving him. And now, he needed this, needed to be the one to give, and right or wrong he wanted it, wanted to give himself to Cas. The angel already owned his soul, his very being, and Dean was finally ready for him to take his flesh. “Take me.”
The angel cocked his head, studying Dean, weighing his words. He released Dean’s erection and slid down to rest on Dean’s thighs a slow, soft smile spreading over his face. He knew what this meant to Dean. It was a turning point, a crux of power and trust, now he had to show Dean what it meant to him. Long graceful fingers ran along Dean’s face and down his chest. “Droln glo bagle nonca,” he stared hard into Dean’s eyes, knowing the man understood.
Dean released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, his whole body relaxing with the exhalation. The fingers wrapped around Cas’ wrist relinquished their hold, instead tracing circles on the underside of the angel’s wrist causing Cas to shiver ever so slightly and Dean to smile at his reaction.
Castiel slipped his knees between Dean’s legs, loving the trust and the way Dean opened himself up for him, lifting himself to rest his legs around Cas’ waist.
Silently, Cas slicked his fingers. He teased and caressed the small patch of skin behind Dean’s balls, dipping along the puckered flesh of his entrance.
Dean’s breath hitched, the touches sending sweet shock waves throughout his body.
Easily, Cas pressed his finger into Dean’s relaxed body. His hand stroked along Dean’s stomach, a soft, soothing counterpoint to his invading touches. Soon he was able to add a second finger, curling his fingers and stretching the firm muscles, pumping them in and out of Dean’s body in a slow infuriating rhythm.
“More,” Dean hissed, a plea as much as a demand.
Nodding once, Cas pressed a third finger into Dean’s willing body, working them gently to fully stretch him.
With a twist and curl of his fingers, Cas pulled out of his lover, adjusting the angle of Dean’s hips, arching them as his legs tightening around Cas’ waist.
Cas lined himself up with Dean, slowly pushing into him, the tight muscles giving way easily. Castiel’s breath stuttered as he tried to control himself amidst the overpowering feelings rushing through his human body.
Finally, he slid home, flush against the hot skin of his lover, Dean’s legs impossibly tight around him. They both froze. The feelings almost too much for them both. But then Dean’s legs pulled the angel closer, deeper as they clamped around him. Cas made short little, experimental thrusts, eliciting small gasping whimpers from his lover. As he pulled back and out of Dean he shared the moan of loss that fell from Dean’s mouth, and the matching moan of pleasure as he pushed back in.
Cas watched their movements carefully, as if he was amazed and awed by their lovemaking. There was something beautiful about the joining, of seeing himself disappear into his lover, to know that however fleetingly he was physically a part of him. The knowledge made Cas shiver violently, his control slipping as the thought consumed him. In these moments he was part of Dean as close as any one human being could be to another. This was Heaven. “Noas la,” he whispered quietly, bending down to kiss his lover swallowing their moans with warm open-mouthed kisses.
Dean’s hands, which before had been clawing mindlessly at the sheets, now clawed and gripped for purchase on Cas’ back causing the angel to arch back into the touch.
Their bodies writhed together, Dean’s hard cock trapped between them creating sensations neither had felt before. The smooth friction of Cas’ skin against the velvety flesh, the dribble of pre-cum slicking their skin, the feeling of each other, it was quickly becoming more than either could bear.
Sitting, Castiel pulled Dean’s hands into his own, lacing their fingers together and holding on as if his very existence depended on this connection with his hunter.
Dean’s blunt nails tried to dig their way into his angel’s flesh, grabbing him, claiming him in some small way as his own. This, this meeting of body and soul, was everything Dean needed to believe. Cas was his. He was claiming him with every movement, every touch. Dean had given himself to his angel and for the first time in his life he felt free, Cas had him, would always have him and Dean let himself succumb to the feeling.
Eyes locked each staring into the bare soul of the other, each seeing themselves reflected and accepted in the other. Soon, their thrusts became erratic, bodies pounding and squeezing, until Castiel exploded inside Dean’s tight body.
Dean’s name screamed from Castiel’s lips as his cock twitched and pumped spurts of hot burning cum inside his lover.
Warmth filled him, spreading through him as his own release slammed into him, thick white strands of cum shooting between their bodies, painting both of them in trails of sticky cum.
Cas fell forward seeking out Dean’s mouth, kissing him lazily as they both came down. Something in those lazy, wonderful kisses and the way his arms fit around his angel as Cas curled into Dean’s side made Dean feel strong in a way he hadn’t in months. Dean knew he wasn’t okay, but he was better and he had Cas.
Castiel stroked Dean’s chest thinking away the mess they’d made as his hunter smiled dreamily and began to doze. Sliding his hand to the scar he’d left on Dean’s arm, fitting his hand perfectly over the coloured flesh, he whispered against Dean’s chest, “Ozien, paid.”
---------
LOOSE TRANSLATIONS FOR MEANING, NOT NECESSARILY WORD FOR WORD:
-Noncf chis drilpi Madriiax. Noncf chis limlal drilpi tol. Tol glo dlugan nonce drilpi nomig ol adgt dluga.
You are worth more than the Heavens. You are loved more than life. You deserve more than even I can give.
-Droln glo bagle nonca
Anything for you
-Noas la
We are become one
-Ozien, paid.
Mine, always
~~~~~~~~~Chapter 13~~~~~~~~~
Dean awoke to a solid warmth against his back and an arm wrapped tightly around his waist. He squeezed his eyes shut, as a flood of feelings he didn’t know what to do with engulfed him. Cas had stayed. Cas loved him. Cas just… was. His closed eyes relaxed, having never quite opened, as he let himself fall into his angel.
Castiel smiled, Dean’s spiky hair tickling his lips, while his fingers ran through the short strands.
“Cas,” Dean finally whispered.
“Yes,” nuzzling Dean’s neck.
“Don’t leave.”
Cas smiled, “Gabriel has everything under control and Raphael is no longer in a position where he can threaten us.”
“Good,” Dean answered, pulling Cas’ arm tighter around him. He didn’t care if he was cuddling, there was no one to see it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~
Castiel hated seeing Dean like this, bruised and bleeding, but it was becoming more common. It wasn’t that Dean was falling back into that reckless hatred that had tried to consume him- Cas had seen to that, he’d spent the first week after Raphael’s defeat fixing the damage the archangel had done to Dean’s psyche. No, these injuries were purely from hunting. Nasty things getting the upper hand for a moment before Dean could dispatch them. The mistakes were simple, the kind he’d never seen Dean make, even at his worst. Cas ran a hand gently over Dean’s wounds watching as they disappeared beneath his touch.
“Thanks, Cas,” Dean whispered half asleep.
The angel smiled, kissing Dean’s forehead, “You are quite welcome.” Shucking his clothes, he slid into the bed beside his sleeping hunter, pressing up close to him, molding his body to Dean’s.
Even with his presence, Dean’s sleep was restless. Cas expected it. Dean’s sleep had always been fitful, especially after losing Sam, but this was steadily growing worse. Dean tossed about, pushing and fighting with non-existent creatures, and moaning and whimpering in pain, every so often Sam’s name escaped his lips. It was easy to guess what Dean was dreaming about and it didn’t matter how close Cas held him, how many reassuring words or calming touches he offered, nothing seemed to ease Dean’s discomfort.
Cas didn’t approve of spying on Dean’s thoughts and dreams, although he couldn’t deny how glad he was that Gabriel had, but right now he was tempted to. He would have to speak to Dean in the morning; see if he could get the stubborn man to admit what was troubling him- somehow he doubted his answers would be easily won.
---
“Dean?” Cas wasn’t sure this was the best way to broach the subject, but he needed to know what was wrong with Dean if he ever hoped to be able to help him.
“Hmm,” Dean continued putting his boots on waiting for his angel to speak.
“Your dreams are getting worse. Are you sleeping well?”
Dean looked at Cas as if he’d grown a second head, knowing his angel never asked such simple questions without already having the answer.
“Why?” his voice shook.
“You’re sleep has been uneasy for weeks. It is affecting your ability to hunt. You need rest Dean.”
Dean closed his eyes, not sure if he was ready to have this conversation. He’d finally accepted how Cas felt about him, that he was truly loved by the angel. He still questioned it; he wouldn’t be Dean if he didn’t, but he actually believed Cas when he said he loved him and would always come back. It’s why his current dreams seemed almost like a betrayal.
“Please Dean, I want to help.” His deep voice nothing more than a breath on the air as he sat beside his hunter.
“Cas, I…” he shook his head, how could he tell Cas that his dreams were filled with images of his brother and the things Lucifer would be doing to him. Dean had been there, he knew what Alistair could do, and how much more Lucifer himself could. “I just need time on this one, okay,” he pleaded.
The words and the way Dean was so reluctant to tell him what was bothering him was enough to tell the angel he was right about what it was, or rather who it was.
Cas smiled fondly at the man he loved. “I love you, Dean Winchester and I will do anything in my power to make you happy,” he peppered kisses along his neck, snaking his arms around Dean, distracting him from the discomfort he’d caused with his questions.
Dean leaned back into Cas’ embrace. “I am such a bad influence on you,” he teased.
Castiel buried his face in Dean’s neck, breathing in his hunter. Now that he knew what was troubling Dean, Cas knew what he needed to do and the one person who could help him.
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