(no subject)
something was wrong with tonight
the air didn't settle quite right
in those open pores
that usually readily accept clean air
or cigarette smoke or car exhaust
i couldn't get as high as i wanted
on those playground swings without getting
dizzy
i knew her laughter was artificial
awkward
sad
the world was a lot warmer than her dining room was
and something kept making me choke
cough, shrug uncomfortably
made me want to claw off my skin
and the painful prickles of nerve endings
shout at everyone to stop fidgeting
stop breathing
stop singing and stretching
i just wanted them to hold their breath
and count the flashes of the fireflies
or do something equally unproductive
uncomplicated
something so trivial that it couldn't mean anything
even if you tried
i am sick of collecting mementos
of trying to make every night memorable,
trying to make every night into some teenage movie
where we are just "young and alive"
i'm tired of making life a commodity
"being alive" a feeling that is hard to capture
i felt too old
too bored
i couldn't get free
something is tied around my ankles
and is clanking with all my
steps & dance moves
it's heavy
and sounds like my father's struggling breath
or the creaks of my stairway during
the winter
it's rough and i don't like it.
c
the air didn't settle quite right
in those open pores
that usually readily accept clean air
or cigarette smoke or car exhaust
i couldn't get as high as i wanted
on those playground swings without getting
dizzy
i knew her laughter was artificial
awkward
sad
the world was a lot warmer than her dining room was
and something kept making me choke
cough, shrug uncomfortably
made me want to claw off my skin
and the painful prickles of nerve endings
shout at everyone to stop fidgeting
stop breathing
stop singing and stretching
i just wanted them to hold their breath
and count the flashes of the fireflies
or do something equally unproductive
uncomplicated
something so trivial that it couldn't mean anything
even if you tried
i am sick of collecting mementos
of trying to make every night memorable,
trying to make every night into some teenage movie
where we are just "young and alive"
i'm tired of making life a commodity
"being alive" a feeling that is hard to capture
i felt too old
too bored
i couldn't get free
something is tied around my ankles
and is clanking with all my
steps & dance moves
it's heavy
and sounds like my father's struggling breath
or the creaks of my stairway during
the winter
it's rough and i don't like it.
c