(no subject)
there is a point where this world crosses into the real world
this internet world
of bloggings and journals and pictures and fiction
and it gets real tricky
there is a point when your loyalties are called into question
when you must draw your own line
when you must decide when the ties of livejournal secrecy
and "friends only" and private posts
just don't matter anymore
when you are forced to choose between
lj friend and best friend
maybe it's not even a matter of choosing between them
it's just a matter of knowing what's right
of knowing something
that is poisonous..
of knowing that a whole relationship is a sham
a rebound
knowing that you have the power to save your best friend
a whole lot of heartache and embarrassment
that you have the power, the facts, the truth
that you never even asked for
but that you found on these pages
and then it is your decision what to do
with this knowledge
to leave it on this site
to lock it away when you close the page
or to bring it out where words aren't typed
but spoken
and flesh is flesh and you are breathing
and you can hear heartbeats, and feel the cushions,
and you really are in the same room with your best friend
while she explodes
i tried to be uninvolved
reading and biting my lip
feeling pangs in my chest with each new entry
each drop of her name
each insult..each revealed text message..
i tried to keep this knowledge secret and at bay
knowing that journals are meant to house
secrets and that we are privileged to see these
read these words know these secrets
i tried so very hard to pretend that i didn't know this girl
that this girl wasn't my "real life" best friend
i tried to pretend that i wasn't appalled, hurt, and disgusted by this whole thing
i tried to be the innocent bystander
until today
until things changed and things got real
and real people were doing real touching without words
but with bodies while my best friend was at home
under the impression that this boy had fallen asleep
under the impression that everything was okay
he was "over her"
and this was where i drew my own line
and i didn't care any longer about the sanctity of this stupid website
i cared about real feelings
and real hearts being broken
and real tears and real kisses and real assholes
sometimes it's easy to forget that
these are real actions we are writing about
that this isn't fiction
this isn't some epic piece of literature
some grand love story
where we can hide shitty actions with flourishes
of adjectives
ugly deeds are still ugly
no matter how beautiful the writing
this is a journal, not a novel
this is real life
and i don't regret my decision
and i know that there are probably new "friends only" entries
being posted at this exact moment bashing me
for the lines that i crossed, speaking of the
responsibility of being a lj friend
speaking of the woe..how hard it is to find someone
who is loyal to the site..who isn't bound by real life ties.
but i don't care. because there is some information
i can't bear knowing, some actions that are
too real to keep hidden on the internet
some boundaries that are more important than
those of an lj friend that were already broken.
so now i am one lj friend short.
but frankly, lj, i don't give a damn.
this entry is as public as all the others
because i don't have dirty little secrets
that i have to safeguard
i'm not afraid of the real world
repercussions
because i'm the same person on the internet
as i am sitting in this seat.
so, you tell me.
when is it okay to bring livejournal
into real life?
c
this internet world
of bloggings and journals and pictures and fiction
and it gets real tricky
there is a point when your loyalties are called into question
when you must draw your own line
when you must decide when the ties of livejournal secrecy
and "friends only" and private posts
just don't matter anymore
when you are forced to choose between
lj friend and best friend
maybe it's not even a matter of choosing between them
it's just a matter of knowing what's right
of knowing something
that is poisonous..
of knowing that a whole relationship is a sham
a rebound
knowing that you have the power to save your best friend
a whole lot of heartache and embarrassment
that you have the power, the facts, the truth
that you never even asked for
but that you found on these pages
and then it is your decision what to do
with this knowledge
to leave it on this site
to lock it away when you close the page
or to bring it out where words aren't typed
but spoken
and flesh is flesh and you are breathing
and you can hear heartbeats, and feel the cushions,
and you really are in the same room with your best friend
while she explodes
i tried to be uninvolved
reading and biting my lip
feeling pangs in my chest with each new entry
each drop of her name
each insult..each revealed text message..
i tried to keep this knowledge secret and at bay
knowing that journals are meant to house
secrets and that we are privileged to see these
read these words know these secrets
i tried so very hard to pretend that i didn't know this girl
that this girl wasn't my "real life" best friend
i tried to pretend that i wasn't appalled, hurt, and disgusted by this whole thing
i tried to be the innocent bystander
until today
until things changed and things got real
and real people were doing real touching without words
but with bodies while my best friend was at home
under the impression that this boy had fallen asleep
under the impression that everything was okay
he was "over her"
and this was where i drew my own line
and i didn't care any longer about the sanctity of this stupid website
i cared about real feelings
and real hearts being broken
and real tears and real kisses and real assholes
sometimes it's easy to forget that
these are real actions we are writing about
that this isn't fiction
this isn't some epic piece of literature
some grand love story
where we can hide shitty actions with flourishes
of adjectives
ugly deeds are still ugly
no matter how beautiful the writing
this is a journal, not a novel
this is real life
and i don't regret my decision
and i know that there are probably new "friends only" entries
being posted at this exact moment bashing me
for the lines that i crossed, speaking of the
responsibility of being a lj friend
speaking of the woe..how hard it is to find someone
who is loyal to the site..who isn't bound by real life ties.
but i don't care. because there is some information
i can't bear knowing, some actions that are
too real to keep hidden on the internet
some boundaries that are more important than
those of an lj friend that were already broken.
so now i am one lj friend short.
but frankly, lj, i don't give a damn.
this entry is as public as all the others
because i don't have dirty little secrets
that i have to safeguard
i'm not afraid of the real world
repercussions
because i'm the same person on the internet
as i am sitting in this seat.
so, you tell me.
when is it okay to bring livejournal
into real life?
c