HOUSES MEETING...again...

[chrononeko]

I feel like my name is being dragged in every single House 2 meeting lately and the only reason I care, because I know this is a game, is because I legitimately have formed friendships with people in this house and I don't want anyone to think I am "using" these friendships for the game, votes, etc. I feel like I am hearing new things every minute that I didn't know about and am honestly going to look like the biggest fucking idiot in my DR this week (I hope you were joking when you said you deleted them chenbots) and the week before even saying I'm lucky I know I can trust certain people in this house no  matter what, wouldn't want them going up either, etc. But especially this week. Also to the ones that HAVE been loyal to me, I don't want them thinking I've been stabbing them in the back or planning to the whole time even if I do go home. I know most people get this is just a game, and week 1 my DR was probably over the top thinking I was in real BB plotting, scheming etc. but talking to people was never fake, and I thought I was made for this shit but apparently not because I legitimately did not even throw someone under the bus campaigning against them when I know there's people I've been talking to the whole game that have been doing stuff behind my back the entire time.

When people from house 1 message me asking what house 2 is like I have actually said everyone over here is pretty nice and TRUE TO THEIR WORD, even some people not voting for me have told me so or told me they wouldn't promise me a vote that they didn't know they would give me (not naming names) and I won't say who from house 1 even messaged me but I swear to god after this crap I either look like a liar or an absolute dumb ass.

I did my best to be honest about the fact that these are the people I like/talk to, these are the people I have never spoken to/don't trust, while trying to keep to not breaking my word to people, and obviously there were people I trusted more than others because I knew I wasn't going to be their #1 in the end or that at some point they might cut my throat but didn't act on it because it could have just been paranoia. At the beginning most of us did have a common goal which is why this was never a problem getting to know most people, and anyone I was suspicious about never talked to me, was evicted (sorry duchello I wish we had talked before you were because I really like you when we started talking in comments after/even when you messaged me that week I felt bad and that it was unfair that either one of you had to go because someone else DOR'd), or evicted themselves. When I was put up of course I went to ask people for votes, but who wouldn't if they wanted to play this game, at least then I could go out without someone saying well I didn't vote for you because you never asked me. And I never pretended I didn't because wtf, why?

I straight up told you edible_complex when you came back in the house that originally I had wanted you out but had heard you were nice, which is true, and asked you not to put me up which you did anyways. But I didn't lie. I  still asked about the veto and about being the target/if  there was anything I could do and obviously I did not have the veto used on me so there were clearly no deals made there.

I told you slitherysnaaake I had wanted you out also, even before you won HOH. I explained to you why.

People are mad at me for not throwing someone under the bus while everyone seems to know about the situation anyways, sorry for not having someone's name in my mouth that I didn't feel needed to come out of it, when other factors were at play apparently even before I had a freaking clue about any of it and could only make guesses.

I said anyone who did something for me I would remember and I meant it. If I said I really liked talking to someone and was glad I had met them/become their friend, I meant it. If I said I can't believe you lied to me, I meant it.

For once this isn't a post to expose everyone but whether I go up or go home or what, please can everyone stop making me look like some evil mastermind bitch who's been playing the whole house because I fucking wish, or I wouldn't BE having to make this post or getting my name dropped everywhere like a fucking washed up celebrity, and I know most people get that this is a game and will be cool/not care about it after, but I've seen stuff get personal on here and don't want anyone to take things they've heard/think I've done to them personally because I FUCKING LIKE YOU GUYS.

Literally no one in my house has even actually gone home yet besides the DOR. I don't even get what game I'm playing any more where every evicted person comes back knowing who voted them out and put them up and also leave blowing up or trying to blow up other people's games on their way out (ilu vonfurstenbitch still but it's easier to forget someone doing that when they aren't in the house anymore and idk if I got tricked again when you told me stuff last night knowing you might possibly be coming back, we're still cool though as far as I'm concerned cuz I know you know it's just a game and you're playing a good one, it's just hard to know what's real and what's not anymore esp after getting kicked out of that comm which I asked to be brought back into to see what was going on and everything was deleted, only to have my being in a deserted community blow up in my face today and not know how the person found it right after everything WAS deleted while I was out of it for like a day not even)

Just, idk. I'm not the fucking snake I'm being made out to be. I literally had one friend on my FL before this game started from this game, and maybe one other person, and I was happy I made new ones and I'm not trying to have some mental breakdown or anything but just, ugh...



I would call out all the shady shit I've been hearing but that would kind of defeat the purpose of this entire post. Just LOVE ME, ok? :(
shiro can you  please make me cake and a blunt too I need it