Signs Picard's Enterprise is near the End
I got this through my daily jokes email, I thought I'd share, I hope you guys enjoy.
-- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
-- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
-- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
-- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now help up by phone book.
-- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
-- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
-- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.
-- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
-- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
-- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.
-- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.
-- Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.
-- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.
-- Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
-- Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.
-- Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.
-- Ship's dryer indiscriminately shreds crew's uniforms, and related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
-- Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty please with sugar on it".
-- Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.
-- Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.
Bonus Whose Line Reference, I don't think I've put this on up before.
-- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
-- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
-- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
-- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now help up by phone book.
-- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
-- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
-- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.
-- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
-- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
-- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.
-- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.
-- Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.
-- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.
-- Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
-- Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.
-- Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.
-- Ship's dryer indiscriminately shreds crew's uniforms, and related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
-- Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty please with sugar on it".
-- Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.
-- Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.
Bonus Whose Line Reference, I don't think I've put this on up before.
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