I dunno, my parents had a shit marriage (like emotionally abusive, fighting constantly in front of the kids, putting us in the middle of all their fights kind of shitty), and although when I was younger I would sometimes wish they would get divorced, now that I'm older I'm actually grateful that they didn't. I think I'm better off for the fact that they stayed together.
My boyfriend's parents just divorced. They waited until both their kids were out of the house, although they had been sleeping in separate bedrooms for a few years. They had a civil and mutually respectful friendship and never, ever fought in front of their children. They just fell out of love and grew apart over the years. But they stayed together for the sake of their kids, and both my boyfriend and his brother are very grateful that they did. My boyfriend had an extremely happy and idyllic childhood, and I have no doubt he owes that in large part to his parents choosing to remain together and coexist peacefully under one roof for the sake of their children.
I'm not saying that divorce is never in the best interest of the kids. Sometimes it is. Clearly if the parents aren't able to maintain a civil relationship or their mental health is suffering, they need to call it quits. But if you divorce, you need to make sure you are divorcing BECAUSE it is the best thing for your kids. Because you can't properly take care of your kids otherwise, or because the situation is abusive or so acrimonious that they shouldn't be exposed to it. Simply being unhappy or unfulfilled in a marriage is not a good enough reason to tear apart your child's home. That's a selfish reason to divorce, imo. Like, ideally we would all be happy and fulfilled and in love with our spouse, but why should our emotional fulfilment and happiness be more important than the happiness of our child?
Simply being unhappy or unfulfilled in a marriage is not a good enough reason to tear apart your child's home. That's a selfish reason to divorce, imo.
Wow...I am really not understanding this sentiment at all. Your job is to make your child happy, to protect them...not to *just stay married*.
I would get divorced if I was unfulfilled in my marriage, even if I had children. All this 'tearing apart your child's home" talk seems like a really narrow way of looking at it. I imagine if I stayed married, my kids would be able to tell that it was a farce. I imagine my kids' lives filled with anxiety and shame of seeing two people really only staying around each other for one purpose. Kids are not stupid. They can deal and adapt.
But I'm glad it apparently worked out in your friends' case.
"Like, ideally we would all be happy and fulfilled and in love with our spouse, but why should our emotional fulfilment and happiness be more important than the happiness of our child?"
Um, because unhappy parents can have a really negative impact on a child?
but why should our emotional fulfilment and happiness be more important than the happiness of our child?
Um, people's happiness or unhappiness are sensed by children. And if you're unhappy in your relationship, you are showing your child that unhappiness is what's normal. You are not showing them a positive relationship.
It's legit weird that you're acting like it's a BAD THING to want to be happy in your life. Like really?
In my experience, if the parent is unhappy, the child is going to be unhappy too. And frankly I want my parents to be happy as individual human beings.
My boyfriend's parents just divorced. They waited until both their kids were out of the house, although they had been sleeping in separate bedrooms for a few years. They had a civil and mutually respectful friendship and never, ever fought in front of their children. They just fell out of love and grew apart over the years. But they stayed together for the sake of their kids, and both my boyfriend and his brother are very grateful that they did. My boyfriend had an extremely happy and idyllic childhood, and I have no doubt he owes that in large part to his parents choosing to remain together and coexist peacefully under one roof for the sake of their children.
I'm not saying that divorce is never in the best interest of the kids. Sometimes it is. Clearly if the parents aren't able to maintain a civil relationship or their mental health is suffering, they need to call it quits. But if you divorce, you need to make sure you are divorcing BECAUSE it is the best thing for your kids. Because you can't properly take care of your kids otherwise, or because the situation is abusive or so acrimonious that they shouldn't be exposed to it. Simply being unhappy or unfulfilled in a marriage is not a good enough reason to tear apart your child's home. That's a selfish reason to divorce, imo. Like, ideally we would all be happy and fulfilled and in love with our spouse, but why should our emotional fulfilment and happiness be more important than the happiness of our child?
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Wow...I am really not understanding this sentiment at all. Your job is to make your child happy, to protect them...not to *just stay married*.
I would get divorced if I was unfulfilled in my marriage, even if I had children. All this 'tearing apart your child's home" talk seems like a really narrow way of looking at it. I imagine if I stayed married, my kids would be able to tell that it was a farce. I imagine my kids' lives filled with anxiety and shame of seeing two people really only staying around each other for one purpose. Kids are not stupid. They can deal and adapt.
But I'm glad it apparently worked out in your friends' case.
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Um, because unhappy parents can have a really negative impact on a child?
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Um, people's happiness or unhappiness are sensed by children. And if you're unhappy in your relationship, you are showing your child that unhappiness is what's normal. You are not showing them a positive relationship.
It's legit weird that you're acting like it's a BAD THING to want to be happy in your life. Like really?
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