Poly-Baiting: Why We Need a More Inclusive LGBTQ Movement

Aug 20, 2012 12:39

Poly-Baiting: Why We Need a More Inclusive LGBTQ Movement

by Vivienne Chen

Anti-LGBTQ campaigners have often used the issue of polyamory-or rather, a twisted media presentation of “polygamy,” which is distinct from ethical nonmonogamy and polyamory-as a slippery slope argument against LGBTQ equality, particularly when it comes to marriage.

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rick santorum, activism, lgbtq / gender & sexual minorities

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fierceleaf August 20 2012, 20:35:42 UTC
I'm neither LGBTQ person nor polygamy person, but I do not understand why polygamy or polyamory are criticized in XXI century. The only reason is that most people are steeped in prejudice.

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sesmo August 20 2012, 22:31:07 UTC
Because a lot of the history of it is about oppressing women and communities like those crazy Jeffords people. Safe, sane, and consensual poly is OK. Although sorting out custody, taxation, and inheritance in a poly environment will be a fascinating exercise for lawyers.

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sashafarce August 20 2012, 23:34:06 UTC
Although sorting out custody, taxation, and inheritance in a poly environment will be a fascinating exercise for lawyers.

My girlfriend (an attorney) and I have had this conversation a ton, and while we are both clearly on the side of "whatever floats your boat of adult consent," it's puzzling if not downright impossible by current legal standards to figure out how these things would work if poly relationships were given legal status.

Obviously not against it, but it is complicated as fuck.

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silver_sandals August 20 2012, 23:43:20 UTC
as a poly lesbian, when people say polyamory is oppression of women i have to laugh. and then cry.

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ms_maree August 21 2012, 00:32:46 UTC
I see where you are coming from. Because marriage, 'traditional marriage' between a man and a woman has through history been about the oppression of women.

But yet, it's always held up as better than poly relationships in western society, and at the most, it has exactly the same history of oppression of women.

Maybe people have to realise that throughout history, almost everything has been about the oppression of women because society has always been (and continues to be) deeply misogynistic. It's not about who marries who, or how many people are involved. It's about misogyny.

So...I ask, why is that 'traditional two person marriage' doesn't get the scorn heaped on it by feminists as does poly?

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zaure August 21 2012, 00:39:17 UTC
Because more women are in 'traditional two person marriages' than poly relationships. It's easiest to criticize institutions you're not a part of.

*woman who doesn't want to get married, people are still sexist jerks about it*

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sesmo August 21 2012, 17:52:01 UTC
Because when most Americans hear polygamy this is what they think of: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warren_Jeffs

In January 2004, Jeffs expelled a group of 20 men from Colorado City, including the mayor, and reassigned their wives and children to other men in the community. Jeffs, like his predecessors, continued the standard FLDS and Mormon fundamentalist tenet that faithful men must follow what is known as the doctrine of "Celestial Marriage" or plural marriage in order to attain the highest degree of Exaltation in the afterlife. Jeffs specifically taught that a devoted church member is expected to have at least three wives in order to get into heaven, and the more wives a man has, the closer he is to heaven.[17] Former church members claim that Jeffs himself has seventy wives.Assigning wives? Seventy wives, some of whom were in their early teens when he married them? Yeah, that's some creepy shit. This is not the exact same story as monogamous marriage in ( ... )

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fierceleaf August 21 2012, 05:02:17 UTC
When we thing about polygamy we often recall Mormon fundamentalists and Muslims with associated culture and tradition of women oppression. And it is also easier to prevent polygamy then to prevent domestic violence.

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flcadam August 21 2012, 07:06:08 UTC
Yep, I learned when I was a teenager that my great-grandfather had multiple wives. I guess that wasn't something my parents thought of sharing with me right away, but I thought it was pretty cool. :-)

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belly_savalas August 21 2012, 16:36:58 UTC
When discussions of polygamy and polyamory automatically bring to mind a woman with multiple partners (versus say, a man with multiple wives, hmm that's interesting explicitly unequal language isn't it? ~odd~) then I'll stop criticizing it.

Until the imma be prejudiced as fuck toward an institution largely abused by men, yes.

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silver_sandals August 21 2012, 22:49:09 UTC
are you prejudiced towards monogamous marriage too

isn't that also an institution largely abused by men

great to know if i as a lesbian wanna marry two women that's misogynist

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belly_savalas August 22 2012, 04:33:16 UTC
I am critical of many aspects, yes. And I didn't say you're misogynist--I simply agree with other posters that when men are involved polyamory and polygamy should be discussed with the knowledge of very real power dynamic abuse, and neglecting that can be harmful to women. I think conflating discussions of queer issues and poly issues to the extent that this abuse goes undiscussed or queer identities are erased by het identities is also harmful, particularly to women.

I'm currently in a het relationship, so that's as much as I'll chime in on that aspect, but overall I disagree with your position because of these reasons, though no, I don't think you are anti-woman.

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