I'm torn about this. My first instinct was to tear into the mother, and then upon reading it seems like she's pretty aware that she projected a lot of her own issues onto the kid, and feels some level of guilt for it now. I mean, whatever damage is already done, let's hope it's minimal, but at least Mom acknowledges that she went about it poorly.
Yep. This. She seems aware and yet still so enmeshed that she's taking a perverse pride in passing along her body hatred issues to her newly 'skinny' daughter.
I agree. She even admits that her "intervention" might lead to her daughter experiencing more severe body issues as she grows up. And her weight loss plan was all about guilt and calorie restriction, but no fitness activities and exercise. It's just all-around a terrible approach, but she expects readers to agree that the numerical results to justify the emotional-crushing means.
I honest-to-god felt a bit queasy after reading this. I thought my own mother was bad about body-shaming when I was a child. At least she waited until First Communion to start bitching about how fast (read: fat) I was growing. :/
People wonder why little girls grow up with such shitty self-image. You have to start somewhere. This poor, poor girl. I can only hope that she learns self-acceptance from someone because her mother sure as fuck isn't doing it for her. I understand that the mother has her own issues to work through, but holy shit, the way to do that is not by fostering the same insecurities in her own child.
My mom started body shaming me around the same age. Then she took me to stores for "chubbies", and had me on diets constantly. My mom has had many anorexic episodes in her life, and at 86, has never been above 110 in weight except when pregnant. I can say that what my mom did to me led directly to the bulemia in my 20s/30s, which has damaged me hugely, mentally and physically.
Possible TW for ED (mentions of numbers)bleed_peroxideMarch 26 2012, 05:28:44 UTC
*nod nod* She was never anorexic herself, but my mom will often brag about how, before she had my sister and I (we're twins so she had us at the same time), she was [highlight for numbers] 5'2 and 115 lbs. She's naturally a rather petite woman. She complains how she feels so "fat" at [highlight]140 lbs.
I'm 5'4 and would consider myself pretty healthy at my current weight, but my highest weight was 216 lbs. Imagine hearing your mother complaining how "heavy" she is when you know that she knows that you weigh much more than she does... and that she is very not-so-subtly saying that you're gargantuan by comparison. :/
She wonders why I lost all the extra weight so fucking quickly.
While I find the commentary from the specialist who wrote the book Bea's diet was based off of the be the most straightforward, damning thing in the entire article for an issue that has a lot of gray to it, the shit that really makes my blood boil is this...
"I dramatically grabbed the drink out of my daughter's hands, poured it into the garbage, and stormed out."
.... this lady wrote this herself, with these little creative flourishes like describing her actions as DRAMATIC. She sat at her desk, typing this up, going "yeah, this is awesome, I am a genius. Everyone is going to love this article about my plight!"
Is it just me or does this article carry an air of "let's rip this woman to shreds for being a Bad Mother (without discussing the cultural standards that led to it?)" Because this sure as hell didn't happen in a vaccuum.
Re: Possible ED triggers, to be safeevewithanappleMarch 25 2012, 16:39:12 UTC
Yeah- I mean, what the mother did was god-fucking-awful, and I'm not defending that. But the tone of this article seems very- I don't know. The opening lines about "socialites" are putting me off.
It certainly didn't; and it seems to me that the mother must hate herself a lot to feel that this is a justified way to treat her kid.
That said, society may have inflicted it on her, but I would argue (unfair though it is) once she's a mother it's her responsibility to examine this shit, and not, say, pass it on to an innocent child who can't do anything to protect herself against it.
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People wonder why little girls grow up with such shitty self-image. You have to start somewhere. This poor, poor girl. I can only hope that she learns self-acceptance from someone because her mother sure as fuck isn't doing it for her. I understand that the mother has her own issues to work through, but holy shit, the way to do that is not by fostering the same insecurities in her own child.
Just... god. I don't know what else to say.
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I feel so bad for this little girl.
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I'm 5'4 and would consider myself pretty healthy at my current weight, but my highest weight was 216 lbs. Imagine hearing your mother complaining how "heavy" she is when you know that she knows that you weigh much more than she does... and that she is very not-so-subtly saying that you're gargantuan by comparison. :/
She wonders why I lost all the extra weight so fucking quickly.
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"I dramatically grabbed the drink out of my daughter's hands, poured it into the garbage, and stormed out."
.... this lady wrote this herself, with these little creative flourishes like describing her actions as DRAMATIC. She sat at her desk, typing this up, going "yeah, this is awesome, I am a genius. Everyone is going to love this article about my plight!"
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRARGH
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That said, society may have inflicted it on her, but I would argue (unfair though it is) once she's a mother it's her responsibility to examine this shit, and not, say, pass it on to an innocent child who can't do anything to protect herself against it.
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