Adult Children Living At Home: How Clinging to Mommy and Daddy Is Ruining a Generation

[superfan1]

As children grow up and venture out into the world, the transition from a bustling household to an empty one can be difficult - so, why not skip it all together?

Comments

[spiegel11th]

There is a really weird glitch with this - it's sort of gone: first page twice, second page twice, third page twice, end.

And - well, I'm twenty two, so I'm not certain I'm old enough for this to apply yet (depends on your definition), but most of my friends who've moved out of their parents' houses did so with a partner, while I am persistently single. I also have a strong desire to look after my parents as they age, my father being disabled and my mother being prone to forgetfulness (and as her mother has late-stage Alzheimers, lets hope that's all it is), and I doubt that would really be doable if I moved out.

[brookiki]

I was wondering about that. I kept reading the same thing over again and wondered if it was time to go to bed (well, it's 5AM, so clearly it is, but

[superfan1]

My fault for the double wording repeating in my post. Sorry and agree with everything you said about the stigma of adult children living at home.

I'm also sorry about your parents. Hugs.

[spiegel11th]

And I'm not even American! So lulz at that.
And I'm sorry to hear about your parents - all I can say is that, while there's terrible emotional torment over putting ones parents in care, it's also not good to wear yourself to the bone looking after them (which is more likely if you don't live with them, I'd say, which'd add so much worry to it). I watched my mother try to look after her mother (all my mother's older brothers and sisters living too far away) as she deteriorated, and it was painful. So do be sure to look after yourself, too.

(Says someone who goes through paroxysms of guilt at the thought of moving away, but never mind me~)

[brookiki]

Thanks. It's a tricky situation, as I'm sure you know. I can't imagine trying to do any sort of care if I lived somewhere else, because the going back and forth alone would be exhausting and worrying. But I absolutely get the guilt at moving away. I've alway worried about being gone even for a short while and having things fall apart while I was gone. Moving out for good...that would really be rough. But, then again, as selfish as it may sound, at some point you have to take steps to carve out a little bit of a life and identity for yourself.

[spiegel11th]

My mother always worried about grandma falling down the stairs and breaking her hip and not being able to get any help, but because we lived all of two blocks away it wasn't hard to drop in to make sure the fridge was stocked and she'd remembered to bathe recently. Eventually, though, Mum and her siblings had her put into a home in another city. It's much closer to two of Mum's siblings, so they can visit her - but her mind's pretty much gone, it's so depressing.

For myself, I've always had a strong attachment to routine and consistency, so the thought of moving out actually scares me a bit for more reasons than the usual. There's also the fact that I have some minor mental health issues, and I want to know that someone will be around to stop me from sticking my hand in the food processor and switching it on. So it's not as nobly self-sacrificing as it sounds, really.

[fenris_lorsrai]

I moved back home to live with my parents after I graduated and never moved out because my parents retired shortly thereafter and I am the only child of two only children. There is nobody else that will be around to take care of them

[fenris_lorsrai]

Also for sheer hilarity, my parents (who are both 71) generally like all my friends and enjoy having the occasional BBQ or party there since they get to talk to people that are NOT discussing who died, their medical issues, golf, or whether they should move to florida.

Two of the friends that had just gotten house actually invited over folks for Thanksgiving since they didn't have money or vacation stored to go home to their parents. so had over one single friend living alone, me and my folks, and one gay couple and their mom that they lived down the street from (don't share house with mom, but live right nearby). It was lovely.

[anolinde]

I read the first section twice, and only saw one section after that, so yeah, something's going on here.

[nesmith]

I do too; I was planning to move out of the house with my best friend after she moved up here, but my father suddenly died and everything changed. I couldn't leave my mother alone in a big house all by herself just after being widowed, so when she offered for both of us to stay herewe did. I feel a responsibility to take care of her since she's never been on her own before and with her health issues and other things it just wouldn't be good--I have the financial and emotional capability to live on my own but right now this is more important.

And thankfully no one has given me any crap for being 33 and still living at home.

[romp]

Sorry if someone else said this elsewhere, but there were several articles on this in November when the documentary Boomerang Kids played Canada, the US, and Britain. You might be interested--if you didn't read it the first time--in the comments on ONTD_P at the time. Basically, most agreed that the model that ran from 1950-recently was a freak of affluence (well, maybe that's mainly my POV) but many people were in a situation similar to yours.

I hope your mother is okay. Older people can have infections and other ailments look like dementia--I recently learned it's often how UTIs are found (but she may not be that old).

[spiegel11th]

I don't recall seeing the article, but it is interesting seeing them together.
She's only 51, and 99% she's fine - but I still worry every time she forgets something obvious, or I have to tell her the same thing three times, you know?

[romp]

link I intended to put in my reply