INFO POST TIME! BULLYING AWARENESS AND PREVENTION

[lickety_split]

Info posts may contain triggering elements, so please be mindful of the topic and read at your own discretion.

SPECIFIC TRIGGER WARNINGS: suicide, depression, abuse
IMAGE CONTENT: Nothing graphic, just a few stock photos of kids looking lonelyThese posts are a "safe space" to ask questions you might otherwise be too shy to. Please do not reply to

Comments

[calixti]

Are there any resources for intra-family bullying?

I ask because I've been bullied by my younger sister starting from when we were in elementary school--she's always been taller, stronger, and more sociable than me, which made and makes it easy for her to do and get away with. And despite our parents knowing about it and agreeing that it's wrong and she needs to stop, they continuously urge me to 'reconcile' with her, which as far as I can tell means 'play nice and don't get upset where other people can see you or bother other people with it.'

[romp]

I have no help but you bring up a situation you almost never read about. It's great that you recognize it for what it is tho'.

I understand why parents want kids to just get along but that it so pointless to say! My father used to tell me I'd miss my mean sister when she was dead...because that was supposed to end the argument. But she's dead now and the only grief I have is for her wasted years and the damage she did.

The replies to this post are triggery but many describe sibling bullying. No obvious solution but perhaps your parents need to be convinced that it's real? Good luck.

[calixti]

Thing is, my parents ARE convinced it's real, but I need to 'get over it' and 'reconcile.' Because yes, the physical stuff, the theft, and the destruction of my things was bad, but we were kids, and kids ALWAYS fight! All she's doing now is spreading vicious rumours about how 'dangerous' I am due to my sexuality and mental illnesses, refusing to let me see my niece, gaslighting me whenever I'm unfortunate enough to have to interact with her, intentionally triggering my startle reflex if we're in the same room, lying to our parents and making up interactions where *I* bully *her* and her husband (though thankfully, my parents know full well I hide in my room with the door locked whenever they're over), and, along with her husband, threatening my cat and hurting him with excessive 'punishments' for any minor infraction, real or percieved.

You know. Nothing I shouldn't be comletely willing to forgive and 'get over.' Because we're adults now and I'm really going to miss my sister someday if I 'let' our 'relationship' die.

[romp]

Wow, I can really relate. My "good sister" and I just learned to avoid the bad one. She'd occasionally cry to our parents about how no one wanted to be with her on [insert holiday] but I was clear with my parents that her constant baiting of my good sister and her poor treatment of my parents meant there wasn't anything she could offer. She couldn't be bothered to learn the names of my children

[blunder_buss]

I can totally relate as well. Mostly because my sister was straight-up abusive who attacked my mum more than anyone else, but lashed out at everyone. She's never shown any remorse and actually thinks SHE was wronged so she doesn't need to take an ounce of responsibility, or she really is that self-centered (I'm not sure which).

And I'm under pressure now because she's going to get married and I'll be expected to go, except I, like you, have no interest in maintaining a relationship with her. My parents accept this, but since THEY want to keep a relationship with her, I'm going to be in minor contact whether I like it or not.

But anyway - you have an absolute right to shun your sister. No one has a right to a relationship with you, and the idea of 'but they're family' is imho one of the most poisonous and enabling ideas alive.

[snarksnarklaugh]

I have a sister who did the same thing until we were adults. Her attacks only got worse over time until the day she realized if she so much as touched me again I was going to pummel her ass for the years of not getting to. She had a medical condition but was for the most part perfectly fine enough to attack me and pretty much do everything a normal kid would. My parents obviously didn't want me to seriously hurt her so they'd yell at me for even just defending myself. I'm probably never going to reconcile with her because she made my childhood tormentful for the parts I had to be around her and wonder when (never a question of if but when and how bad) she was going to attack me. Best advice is stay away from her (go out with friends , join clubs at school, visit with relatives and tell them about it maybe, talk about it with your parents/school consolor,etc)

[calixti]

I'm not in school. We're both adults in our 20s.

And anytime I try to bring it up with relatives, I get told to 'grow up' and 'be the big sister,' because younger sisters are SUPPOSED to be bullies, apparently? :/

[snarksnarklaugh]

Sorry I didn't know how old you were.:/ Bad assumption. Yeah my relatives were a little sympathetic but just as helpful with the oh my sister fought with me too comments. There fighting was nothing like my sis and me.Ugh. It's like they didn't understand the seriousness of her attacks even after I explained sometimes in tears telling them how I didn't want to live with her anywhere near me and that they were only escalating in seriousness. I'm sick of being the one told to take the high road and "not provoke her". That's my families favorite thing , blame me for doing something to provoke her. Don't you know you have the older magically feelingless invincible sibling superpowers? It'd be funny if it wasn't so messed up. I relieved in retrospect she mostly only did the serious things when nobody was around to help me or see what happened. Now I'm never alone with her and I just avoid being around her in general. She can't lie when there are multiple witnesses if she does something.