Comments | ontd_political: Why Monogamy "Destroys More Lives Than it Saves"

superfan1 in ontd_political

Why Monogamy "Destroys More Lives Than it Saves"

Jul 06, 2011 12:15

Monogamy, the belief in marriage between only two individuals at a time, is the basis for nearly all unions here in the United States (and in most localities across the globe).

As society has secularized, though, calls for looser views on how marriage should be viewed have emerged.

( Read more )

opinion piece, marriage

Comments 100

ladypolitik July 6 2011, 19:42:35 UTC

papilio_luna July 6 2011, 19:44:00 UTC

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ladypolitik July 6 2011, 19:45:21 UTC

HAHAHA

brewsternorth July 6 2011, 19:51:16 UTC

WIN

Thread 8

xochitl July 6 2011, 19:49:19 UTC

Monogamy works for some people and not for others. The problem is society makes us believe relationships are one-size-fits-all, and they're not. :/ I have been perfectly happy in both monogamous and polyamorous relationships; it all depends on the person/people I'm with.

xochitl July 6 2011, 19:52:04 UTC

Oh wow, don't read the comments at the source. Jeez.

brewsternorth July 6 2011, 19:54:00 UTC

Yeah, like james_nicoll is always saying w/r/t articles on such controversial issues, "memetic prophylactic recommended", i.e. have a cute kitty pic on hand to relieve blood pressure spike.

+1 on your own $0.02, btw.

sillysallyfckup July 6 2011, 20:07:35 UTC

Oh, brother... I don't understand the minds of any of the source commenters.

Thread 12

serious_mccoy July 6 2011, 19:54:24 UTC

Romantic love in and of itself is hugely cultural, if not entirely. Sexual attraction is natural, feelings of friendship and fondness are natural, but how we put these two together depends on the time period, your religion, your geographical location, and so many other factors. In some cultural contexts, love is/was hardly even a part of marriage. In others, multiple partners is the norm. In even others, expectations change with your age. With that in mind, I consider people saying "monogamy is unnatural" to be just as wrong and simplistic as people saying "polyamory is wrong." I am a very one-thing-at-a-time person; I have a favorite parent, one real best friend, one favored pet, one favorite activity at a time, one favorite place to be, one mate at a time. It's natural for me in every way in my life to focus on one relationship, activity, etc at a time, and doing the opposite just stresses me out and feels like I can't get really involved in or focused on anything or anyone. For some, it isn't like that at all, and they have to have ( ... )

brewsternorth July 6 2011, 19:58:03 UTC

Nods. As a certain hedjog of my acquaintance is correctly fond of saying, It's Always More Complicated.

astridmyrna July 6 2011, 19:59:29 UTC

With that in mind, I consider people saying "monogamy is unnatural" to be just as wrong and simplistic as people saying "polyamory is wrong."
OMG this. When that dude said it in the video it just rubbed me the wrong way.

papilio_luna July 6 2011, 20:02:15 UTC

Well, Dan Savage is also all up into evolutionary psychology and men totally can't be monogamous at all ever because evolution says so.

Thread 20

nightcamedown July 6 2011, 19:56:48 UTC

I basically agree with this. Monogamy itself can be both realistic and desirable for some people, in some relationships, but the extent to which it is glamorized and extolled as the only "true" kind of love is absurd and, yes, probably does more harm than good.

astridmyrna July 6 2011, 19:57:48 UTC

What do you think? Is monogamy completely unrealistic?

No, I don't think it's completely unrealistic. Is it difficult? Of course. It requires self control and people change over the years. Some people can handle it, some people can't. Some people want more than one partner, which is fine if you're not going behind your original partner's back to screw with someone else. Both polygamous and monogamous relationships require mutual respect and trust, or the relationships crumble.

papilio_luna July 6 2011, 20:10:58 UTC

I've never found monogamy to be difficult. It's just how I'm wired: one thing at a time, man. And when I find one thing that I really really really like, I stick with it for as long as I'm able. Sometimes being in a relationship is hard just because it's two people trying to deal with each other's little foibles and issues, but I've never found myself wishing, "Gosh, I wish I could go be in a relationship/sleep with some other person."

I think what destroys lives is an inability to be honest with your partner about what you really, truly want.

astridmyrna July 6 2011, 20:15:41 UTC

I think what destroys lives is an inability to be honest with your partner about what you really, truly want.

THIS as well.

romp July 7 2011, 03:13:35 UTC

And we need to be honest with yourself which is not common or easy.

Thread 6