John Kasich Confused About Why Women Objected To His Sexual Assault Victim-Blaming Comments

[screamingintune]

Gov. John Kasich (R-OH) said on Sunday that he does not understand the criticism over his comments Friday suggesting that college women should prevent sexual assaults by avoiding parties with alcohol.
In an interview with CNN’s Dana Bash, the Republican presidential hopeful noted that his own daughters will someday go to college parties where there

Comments

[peddlestools]

I wish we could put the onus for men.

Honestly, the concept of consent needs to be part of sex education starting at the 6th grade, if not earlier. As soon as boys and girls hit puberty, every fucking school should educate their students on consent. That doesn't happen tho. Instead it's abstinence only education and a lot of fucking bullshit.

I mean, some colleges are teaching freshmen seminars on consent and requiring all new students to take it, but it's not universal and it needs to happen sooner than that. I saw Audrie & Daisy at a documentary film festival and it was so fucking sad and relatable. I'm fortunately that social media didn't exist when it happened to me because it would have been fucking worse. I was able to drop out of school and get homeschooled when it happened and I didn't have people on Twitter calling me a liar or telling me to kill myself or making fun of me for trying to kill myself. Honestly, that documentary needs to be shown in schools and the director said they have a robust outreach program and hope to screen in schools!

[londonsquare]

I feel like it needs to start even younger than that. Like, if your daughter comes to you and says, "Mom, Timmy pulled my hair on the playground," you don't turn around and say, "Oh, he's just doing that because he likes you." You tell your sons if they act that way toward a girl on the playground to cut that shit out.

I understand that's not along the lines of consent, but it definitely begins to teach children at a young age that someone being mean to you doesn't mean they like you and if you're mean to a member of the opposite sex that it is definitely not okay. And it's telling boys right off the bat that that is not how they get positive attention from a girl.

[peddlestools]

Yeah, I agree. We had very rudimentary sex education starting in maybe the third grade? Mostly stranger danger stuff & information on what to do if an adult touches your "bathing suit areas." I remember watching educational videos on sexual abuse in elementary school. Which is good, children should know about that so they'll tell a trusted adult if someone tries to abuse them. But if we're going to educate children on that, I don't see why it isn't appropriate to start instilling in children that they need to respect others' boundaries and personal autonomy somehow.

[londonsquare]

I learned about sexual abuse the hard way when I was 4 (my neighbor, a girl a few years older than me, touched me inappropriately in a way that was not kids having a curiosity about each other's bodies. So much so that my parents only found out about it after I complained that my privates hurt really bad. Turns out this girl was living with her grandparents because her parents were abusive pieces of shit and she had actually done things like this before to her brother and other children. They didn't want to disclose to my parents because they didn't want their child to lose out on having a friend. So they basically said they would never leave her unsupervised with other kids. Well the grandpa was at work that day and the grandma ran to the corner store really quick so that's when it happened) and from then on I knew all about inappropriate touching.

My parents were really straight up with me after that happened - 'if ANYONE touches you in a place you aren't comfortable you come tell us. If it's someone you/we don't know or if it is someone we know, you say something. Even if that person says that we won't love you if you tell, you tell us, we will never stop loving you no matter what.'

But I totally agree. If we're able to teach children about sexual abuse and they're able to grasp that concept, they'll totally be able to get boundaries and autonomy. I mean, we teach kids to share and to 'not cut in line,' and teaching them manners. It baffles me how some of that gets misconstrued into the whole 'boys will be boys,' trope, thus excusing their shitty behavior.

[spyral_out]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm also really glad your parents were so supportive and direct.

[londonsquare]

thanks, bb. It's really interesting when I tell people nowadays that that happened to me, it can go either of two ways either supportive and non dismissive like you or, 'oh, well you were both so young, it was probably just her experimenting.'

Looking back on it, yeah I feel really bad for the girl, but she couldn't be left alone with other children and her grandparents knew that.

It was so long ago that I remember bits and pieces, but my mum and I were talking about it recently and she said that the thing that affected me the most was them telling me I couldn't see who I considered my best friend and I thought I did something wrong.

[natyanayaki]

i think it's also important to teach children that they have control over who touches them in what circumstances.

i know that it can be difficult in some respects because sometimes they have to see a doctor or a dentist, but there are so many little situations in which children (of all genders) are taught they don't have the right to say no, and i feel that's problematic.

one example i can think of (one that really resonates with me) is how children are often forced to hug/kiss older relatives (even those they don't know well, or are meeting for the first time) in the name of respect. it can almost gives this notion that "nobody can touch you without your permission, unless they have power over you then it's ok" and i don't think that that's ok.

[elialshadowpine]

This, this, this, THIS.

My fiancee omimouse and her husband/my boyfriend louisadkins are trying for baby. Kiddo will also be mine, and we've been talking a fair bit about things we want to make sure for teaching kiddo about consent and etc.

We do want to teach things like that, and make sure kiddo knows that if anyone does something they're not okay with, and they won't stop when asked, then they get an adult. With the note that if they're worried about getting hurt if they ask, then they get an adult ASAP.

We'll be homeschooling* and when I was growing up as a homeschooler, the homeschooling community here was huge. I mean, huge to the point that it was overwhelming to my mother, and we ended up not going very much because it was just too overstimulating for her. We're likely to see if there are smaller gatherings, and specifically look for ones where the other parents are of like minds. Considering the area is fairly progressive, I think that's more possible here than a lot of other places any of us have lived.

The other consent thing I wish to note is that the kid should also be able to say no to adult contact. If kiddo doesn't want a hug or a kiss from someone, we want to teach them to say no and for that no to be respected. If the adult won't back off, kiddo should come get us (and we will chew into the other person for violating consent). That's an area I see overlooked a lot, and it's equally important, because a child should NEVER EVER learn at home that adults can do what they like and that their "no" will be completely ignored. Just... fuck that shit.

We're all aware we are fighting an uphill battle against society, but we want to do the best we can with our child/ren (maybe the latter).

*Note: We aren't homeschooling for religious reasons, but for multiple factors. My primary concern is that there is a high likelihood of kiddo being on the autism spectrum. My sister and I are on different ends on the spectrum and public school would have been hell; I would have been ahead forever, and my sister would have been behind and possibly in special ed. Since most of the adults in the house are on the spectrum, we feel we can better teach a child at home, with assistance perhaps from my family (Mom's a nurse and thus certain sciences like biology are her thing) and maybe volunteers from local progressive homeschool groups as well.

Omi's major concern is how public school failed her and my partner's two daughters. She's been to school both in the Netherlands and in the States, in multiple schools, and the way the Netherlands did things was much more effective and supportive of the children. We don't know of any school like that here in the states, so we are planning on homeschooling, especially as we know we can get assistance for the areas we are weaker in.

[meadowphoenix]

I mean, part of the issue is that people don't really acknowledge consent is necessary in even non-romantic situations, so I think we should teach consent as soon as children begin to form their own desires. Don't make your kids hug and kiss people they don't want to, etc.