yeah there's no way to look at me and know I have all those problems. I'm young and overweight (thanks to both the pituitary tumor's hormonal problems and hypothyroidism as well as lipoedema -- really won the genetic lottery lol) so I've gotten some looks for parking in the handicapped space. People look at me and don't have a clue that there's all this shit going on in my body and just see a fat woman who doesn't want to walk far.
I've never applied for government assistance because I've been pursuing a career track that doesn't require physically demanding stuff, but I might have to considering what's just happened to me. I'm not ashamed to get help -- I mean, I was on food stamps for six months when I was younger and really was not ashamed at all and it was very helpful. But Social Security disability benefits are really crap and I guess I wanted a better standard of living than that. So we'll see how it goes.
And you have my respect. Invisible disabilities are rough. I mean, all disabilities are rough of course and I am thankful I can walk at all even if I need a cane for longer distances to keep me focused enough to fall down, and I know there are people with visible disabilities who struggle through a lot worse than me, but it does suck when you have these problems but people don't believe you because it's not immediately apparent just by looking at you.
I know friends who've had weight problems because of a thyroid issue. It's horrible that fat-shaming is such a thing and knowledge of what actually causes weight is so overlooked and undereducated. Even here in Canada, you get all kinds of judgey assholes who think in a certain way. It's shitty and awful. :(
I'm on the autistic spectrum. I don't have as many issues socially as others do, because I had a lot of early intervention--but I have a crippling anxiety problem that I'm just coming to terms with. Autism is like being slightly allergic to the outside world--the world is unfiltered and it's easy to experience sensory overload over the smallest things--and my brain is so vivid and guilt-ridden that it's easy to get lost in my own anxiety-inducing emotional baggage to the point that I'm blind to all other things.
When it's your own brain, you don't always have a great gauge on what's actually going on with you. You're not aware, or you don't want to be aware, of how much you're being affected by something that's out of whack. If it was a physical ailment at least I could point to it and say, "That's what's wrong with me, look how fucked up that is." But it being invisible means I have to somehow prove that there is a piece of me that's going seriously off the rails. It's the kind of thing that makes your anxiety suffer anxiety. X_X
I am not on the spectrum, but the accompanying anxiety to my conditions has led to a lot of agoraphobia, so I get not wanting to leave the house.
And yeah, anxiety builds upon itself. I get anxious, I don't want to go somewhere or do something, then I get more anxiety about that. I get SEVERE anxiety about seeing doctors of any kind, which, hah, NOT HELPFUL when you really need to do that. I not only have to prove to the world that it's not just because you don't want to do things but severe anxiety, I also have to prove it to myself. Ugh.
I've never applied for government assistance because I've been pursuing a career track that doesn't require physically demanding stuff, but I might have to considering what's just happened to me. I'm not ashamed to get help -- I mean, I was on food stamps for six months when I was younger and really was not ashamed at all and it was very helpful. But Social Security disability benefits are really crap and I guess I wanted a better standard of living than that. So we'll see how it goes.
And you have my respect. Invisible disabilities are rough. I mean, all disabilities are rough of course and I am thankful I can walk at all even if I need a cane for longer distances to keep me focused enough to fall down, and I know there are people with visible disabilities who struggle through a lot worse than me, but it does suck when you have these problems but people don't believe you because it's not immediately apparent just by looking at you.
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I'm on the autistic spectrum. I don't have as many issues socially as others do, because I had a lot of early intervention--but I have a crippling anxiety problem that I'm just coming to terms with. Autism is like being slightly allergic to the outside world--the world is unfiltered and it's easy to experience sensory overload over the smallest things--and my brain is so vivid and guilt-ridden that it's easy to get lost in my own anxiety-inducing emotional baggage to the point that I'm blind to all other things.
When it's your own brain, you don't always have a great gauge on what's actually going on with you. You're not aware, or you don't want to be aware, of how much you're being affected by something that's out of whack. If it was a physical ailment at least I could point to it and say, "That's what's wrong with me, look how fucked up that is." But it being invisible means I have to somehow prove that there is a piece of me that's going seriously off the rails. It's the kind of thing that makes your anxiety suffer anxiety. X_X
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And yeah, anxiety builds upon itself. I get anxious, I don't want to go somewhere or do something, then I get more anxiety about that. I get SEVERE anxiety about seeing doctors of any kind, which, hah, NOT HELPFUL when you really need to do that. I not only have to prove to the world that it's not just because you don't want to do things but severe anxiety, I also have to prove it to myself. Ugh.
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