Donald Trump’s Short Fingers: A Historical Analysis

Feb 26, 2016 11:08

(For context, please see "Why Donald Trump Will Always Be a 'Short-Fingered Vulgarian'" if you're unfamiliar with Trump's fingers)

Ever since Spy magazine first labeled Donald Trump a “short-fingered vulgarian” in the 1980s, the licensing maven and presidential candidate has been pushing back, insisting with trademark bravado that his fingers are, in fact, “not so short." He has even claimed, though never in the presence of rulers, yardsticks, or tape measures, that “my fingers are long and beautiful, as, has been well-documented, are various other parts of my body.”

Now, thanks to months of exhaustive research, VF.com has uncovered photographic evidence that we believe will settle the question of Trump’s finger length once and for all. Scroll down to see for yourself. (Note: this project was underwritten in part by a generous grant from the California Baby Carrot Growers Association.)

BY BRUCE HANDY




Photo: By Justin Lane/EPA/Corbis.

“O.K., you, in the third row… Yes, you… I’m calling on you… Yes, that’s why I’m pointing… I’m pointing with my finger… My FINGER. This one… Why would you think I’m holding up a cocktail frank?”



Photo: By Jerry Mennenga/ZUMA Press/Corbis.

In Iowa last January, Trump regales voters with a humanizing personal anecdote about how he once bit his right index finger after mistaking it for a half-eaten French fry.



Photo: By Tannen Maury/EPA/Corbis.

A wax figure of “Duke” Wayne looks on in disgust as Trump strains to reach his fingers all the way around daughter Aissa Wayne’s frankly rather petite shoulder. (Fun fact: you could load the barrel of Wayne’s pistol with 14 of Trump’s pinkies.)



Photo: From The Washington Post/Getty Images.

As Trump talks straight through a lunch-hour town hall in February, hungry New Hampshire voters appear mesmerized by the five chicken-tender-like appendages radiating from his sausage-patty-size palm.



Photo: From Bloomberg/Getty Images.

Greeting voters in Iowa City, Trump surreptitiously compares his hand to a baby’s, a smile of satisfaction and relief slowly spreading across his face.



Photo: By Ron Galella/Getty Images.

At the 1990 grand opening of the Trump Taj Mahal Casino Hotel in Atlantic City, wee hands try to summon a genie from a giant lamp. “It’s the motion,” Trump gamely jokes.



Photo: By Robyn Beck/AFP/Getty Images.

At a recent G.O.P. debate in Las Vegas, Trump’s “fun-size” grip fails to circumnavigate Chris Christie’s big, beefy palm. Trump attempts to regain alpha-male status by showing the New Jersey governor his impression of a Doberman pinscher wagging its docked tail.



Photo: By Chris Cassidy/Getty Images.

An interesting optical illusion: Trump’s left hand is actually in the foreground of the picture!



Photo: By Andrew Cowan/Scottish Parliament/Getty Images.

More ugly politics in South Carolina: Trump is forced to refute rumors, traced back to the Cruz campaign, that his fingers aren’t long enough for Christian prayer.



Photo: By Win McNamee/Getty Images.

Trump pretends to enjoy a pork chop on a stick at the 2015 Iowa State Fair, probably the one place on Earth where people won’t mistake a pork chop on a stick for Trump’s third hand.



Photo: By Mathew Imaging/FilmMagic/Getty Images.

In costume with actress Megan Mullally at the 2005 Emmys, Trump wows an audience of hardened entertainment professionals by wrapping his fingers nearly all the way around a pitchfork.



Photo: From The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images.

Some pundits have attributed candidate Trump’s hawkishness to the fact that, even though his fingers have as many joints as a normal man’s, they remain at least an inch short of being able to form a proper peace sign.



Photo: From CNBC/Getty Images.

Nothing much to say about the fingers in this picture; just curious why Trump’s “anus mouth” face hasn’t also become a thing.



Photo: From the Donaldson Collection/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images.

To this day, clubhouse attendants maintain that Trump had to be outfitted with a Babe Ruth Jr. Youth League glove for this 1991 appearance at Yankee Stadium.



Photo: By Johnny Nunez/WireImage/Getty Images.

At this 2005 gala, Trump, thinking quickly, uses both hands to keep wife Melania from getting a good look at the size of a single Puff Daddy hand.



Photo: From The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images.

Trump’s delicate right hand is nearly crushed by his nine-year-old daughter Ivanka’s huge, burly mitt at a 1991 event.



Photo: By Scott Olson/Getty Images.

Presented without comment.

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Pretty sure short-fingered vulgarian is my favorite insult for someone now. It's very Shakespearean! ONTD_P, are you now convinced that Trump's fingers are quite short and worthy of ridicule?

nightmares, slow news day™, sexual objectification of politicians, why was this approved, not the onion, satire, donald trump, puttin the ontd in ontd_political

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