i'm so conflicted on this. it had to end in pain for one party or another. but in the end i'm going to come down on the side of the adoptive family- the child has been with them since birth, and rupturing that family is one of the worst things that could happen. the adoption process is a rupture in itself and it takes time for a child to assimilate to/feel secure in a new family. An adoptive family losing their child (or, in the child's view, rejecting her or 'sending her back') is probably the single greatest cause of anxiety in adoptees.
yes, the agency and the parents should have followed ICWA guidelines to ensure that everything was above-board. (This didn't happen in my own adoption- i'm 1/4 Potowotami, but thankfully my own bio mother didn't get as far as the court system when she tried to get me back. I don't think she knew about the ICWA.) And i do think the adoptive family have a responsibility to the child in terms of raising her to know and understand her heritage.
I feel the same way. I am angry that yet another Native American child has been taken away from her tribe/people and given to non-Native parents. I'm angry that the ICWA was circumnavigated and fearful that this will be one more building block it trying to make it obsolete.
But i also cannot imagine how terrified and heartbroken this child would be if she were removed from the only family and home she's ever known and given to a total stranger.
It's a totally fucked up situation. I only hope they have the sense and common decency to teach her something about her heritage, or allow her extended Native family to visit, etc.
A single picture of her complacently being read a book is hardly evidence for an evaluation on how she is feeling about the entire situation. A possible moment of emotional reprieve does not make up the larger picture.
I'm team ICWA, but a picture is hardly substantial to say how she is feeling about this.
Cool? That's not my point. My point was that using a photo of a moment is not at all legitimate evidence to how that child is feeling. Whether nor not she is fine is not the point, just that a picture is not grounds to say how she feels.
I'm sure she's very happy with her father, but that isn't what I was saying.
The point of the photo isn't that she is omg super happy all the time; it was that she is LIVING with her father when the poster that the photo was in reply to is erroneously assuming that this kid is still living with the white adopters and will be traumatized by being taken away. This is clearly not the case.
As I've stated, I believe she should be with the father. You're missing my point, I'm not trying to say she is not happy with him or should not be with him or hasn't been with him, I'm saying posting a picture of them together is hardly grounds for an 'obviously she's happy"
I am not doubting that she is happy with him, however that photo is not evidence in either direction. Just like the picture above of their adoptive family is not evidence that she is happy with them. Not claiming that she isn't, simply that a photo is not grounds for a full understanding of how she is feeling during this custody battle.
"The terror on her face is evident" is a sarcastic comment to a silly post that didn't actually take into account any of the facts of the case, not a full psychological assessment.
Reading a story with a man is a completely different situation than living with him full-time, knowing that you'll never see the people who raised you as parents for all of your remembered life.
She'd probably adjust, but let's not pretend that it wouldn't be confusing and traumatizing for a 2-year-old.
I wasn't aware because most of the news stories made it look like she was still living with the white couple, along with twisting other aspects of the case. premor's comments have clarified that point.
The reporting on this has, of course, been atrocious. I don't think I've seen a single article from a major outlet that mentioned that the Cherokee Nation and all of the hierarchy of people who should have been given first chance to adopt were just bypassed and shut out completely. And it's become pretty obvious that most non-Native Americans absolutely do not have the education or background to put this case in a cultural or historical perspective. It's a damn mess.
YES. Most reporting on this completely ignores the fact that the whole POINT of the ICWA is that THE TRIBE gets a role in determining what happens to their children, not just the Native parent(s). And NEWSFLASH the tribe CARES about what's best for the child, even if that sometimes means an outside placement. The Holyfield case that went before the Supreme Court years ultimately got handed to the tribal court...and the kid STILL ended up with the non-Native adoptive parents, just because the tribe decided it would be cruel to separate them at that point.
"It's a totally fucked up situation. I only hope they have the sense and common decency to teach her something about her heritage, or allow her extended Native family to visit, etc."
This. I think this was a solution that was roundly ignored- because her bio father doesn't have custody doesn't mean he can't be a part of her life. As she grows up, the family narrative has plenty of room to include him: "This is your biological father. He and your biological mother didn't feel like they could take care of a child, so they decided to find a family who could, and who wanted you very much. This doesn't mean they rejected you, it means they love you very much." There's no reason he can't be invited to birthdays, graduations, milestones, etc, and included in the family.
yes, the agency and the parents should have followed ICWA guidelines to ensure that everything was above-board. (This didn't happen in my own adoption- i'm 1/4 Potowotami, but thankfully my own bio mother didn't get as far as the court system when she tried to get me back. I don't think she knew about the ICWA.) And i do think the adoptive family have a responsibility to the child in terms of raising her to know and understand her heritage.
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But i also cannot imagine how terrified and heartbroken this child would be if she were removed from the only family and home she's ever known and given to a total stranger.
It's a totally fucked up situation. I only hope they have the sense and common decency to teach her something about her heritage, or allow her extended Native family to visit, etc.
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I'm team ICWA, but a picture is hardly substantial to say how she is feeling about this.
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I'm sure she's very happy with her father, but that isn't what I was saying.
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I am not doubting that she is happy with him, however that photo is not evidence in either direction. Just like the picture above of their adoptive family is not evidence that she is happy with them. Not claiming that she isn't, simply that a photo is not grounds for a full understanding of how she is feeling during this custody battle.
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She'd probably adjust, but let's not pretend that it wouldn't be confusing and traumatizing for a 2-year-old.
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This. I think this was a solution that was roundly ignored- because her bio father doesn't have custody doesn't mean he can't be a part of her life. As she grows up, the family narrative has plenty of room to include him: "This is your biological father. He and your biological mother didn't feel like they could take care of a child, so they decided to find a family who could, and who wanted you very much. This doesn't mean they rejected you, it means they love you very much." There's no reason he can't be invited to birthdays, graduations, milestones, etc, and included in the family.
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