I'm generally out as bi and polyamorous on the internet (which leads to "OMG FUCK YOU FOR BEING A WALKING STEREOTYPE" shit from fellow bis as well on top of regular ol' monosexism *SIGH*), but only my sister knows in my family and that was because she found my tumblr and saw the little bisexual scarf on my sidebar. Though she's safe simply out of the fact that, well, we've had a LOT of secrets between us that we keep from our parents, to avoid long-ass cool story brosis time so. I think the only one I really officially came out to was an old friend I bumped into at work who I hadn't seen in a good 6+ years. We were talking and then "oh btw I'm bi, jsyk" and they were cool with it so. xD
However, I cannot see myself coming out to my immediate family or on facebook (bc immediate family) simply bc my parents once got a restraining order on a friend of my sister's bc she was a lesbian and a witch. Like hell am I attempting shit until I've graduated college and am living on my own without any of their support so I don't have to fear becoming homeless.
ETA: I am, however, happily out at work. Hell, one of my supervisors even said "So you're comfortable telling me [you're bi], but you haven't told your parents?" to which I replied "yup, pretty much". My life, ladies, gentlemen, however else you preferred to be called.
No, fuck all those people who either make up stereotypes about bisexual people, or assume that "polyamorous" means "fucks everyone". From a fellow bi. We can't attack each other, we have to attack the folks who perpetuate the stereotypes. It's their fault.
Fucking seriously. Some bi people are poly and that's okay and I just fucking can't with some sections of the bi community, ugh. DX But then there are also sections of the LGBTQ community that refuse to acknowledge anything past the LGB parts so there's also that lovely bullshit. God, the infighting in the LGBTQ overall community pisses me off some days, it really does.
lol that's cool. Just like monogamy isn't for everyone, polyamory isn't for everyone either. And I like that point about more people potentially recognizing abusive behavior bc I hadn't really thought of that. I was mostly thinking along the lines of the way a poly fic I read once where the one person was all "I love too damn much to stay with only one person so let me love all of you okay, okay". x3 But yeah, that's a great point and one to add to my arsenal of "this is why polyamory is awesome" pile. <3
Well, they got the restraining order on sis's friend, not my sis. Either way, it really scares me and makes me kind of want to stay in my half closet thing I've got going on for fear of disowning or whatever. DX srsly, wtf did I do in a previous life to warrant being the black sheep of the family in all the worst possible ways? *headdesk*
The infighting sucks. That's part of why I've stayed out of lgbtqi community-related stuff, aside from the fact that I still don't feel "bi-enough". I'll support local gay safehouses, like the coffee shop I try to get to, stuff like that, but I'm not really part of any societies or anything. I don't need more people telling me that I'm doing sexuality 'wrong'. heh.
I also hadn't thought about the recognizing abuse part.
My thing was always, okay, we're adults here... and we recognize that we're probably going to love more than one person, often in more than one way, sometimes even at one time. People say you have a soulmate, but there's 7 billion people on the planet! How depressing to think there's just one person out there for you!
I try to explain it to people: I like mango sherbet. I also like fudge ripple ice cream. Mango sherbet and fudge ripple are nothing alike, outside of being icy and delicious. BUT I LOVE BOTH! Equally! Just for different reasons! And the delicious fruityness of mango does not in any way diminish the delicious decadence of fudge! One is not better than the other. Why can't I just be honest with both mango and fudge ripple and tell them both that I like and want them both without a fight over which is better and "pick mango or fudge, you can't have both or you're a BAD PERSON". x.x
Oh. 'Polyamory'. Ok. That would make sense. There's a word for that? yaaaay! No need to be locked into a relationship with mango while longing for fudge ripple (or vice-versa)! So long as they both know about it and consent, I can have both in my life! Woohoo! There's no reason for people to cheat if they just admit that loving or just wanting to have sex with more than one person does not make them a bad person. It's the lack of getting informed consent from partners that gives a person shitty character.
But with poly relationships does come insecurity and drama. It isn't all hugs and roses. Everyone involved has to be very secure with themselves and honest with each other. It's a lot of work. Exponential amounts of work with each partner, really. It takes a certain attitude and dedication, and... it can be more exhausting than mono relationships. Rewarding, yes, but also exhausting. Definitely not something for everyone!
Oh lord, the infighting. It's to the point I am very cautious and do a lot of lurking in groups before I participate. Being poly and pansexual and have certainly had more involvement with women than men -- somehow it is all negated because I am married to somebody that they perceive as male (even though my partner IDs as genderqueer, apparently that doesn't matter even to the people who know about it). I mention my girlfriends a lot but somehow they do not matter, only the male-perceived or male-identified ones matter, and I am just as bad as a straight chick making out with a girl to get attention. And don't get me started on the "sleeping with the enemy" thing that I have heard WAY too many times from groups that also have a large feminist contingent. (Just to be clear: I ID as a feminist. I'm in a lot of queer feminist groups where this doesn't happen. I HAVE had it happen enough though that it is really fucking upsetting, especially since some are transphobic and qualify my trans women partners as male.)
Yeeeeah. Ugh. *throws up hands*
Poly certainly isn't perfect. There are advantages, but there are also disadvantages. It certainly is not for everyone. :)
However, I cannot see myself coming out to my immediate family or on facebook (bc immediate family) simply bc my parents once got a restraining order on a friend of my sister's bc she was a lesbian and a witch. Like hell am I attempting shit until I've graduated college and am living on my own without any of their support so I don't have to fear becoming homeless.
ETA: I am, however, happily out at work. Hell, one of my supervisors even said "So you're comfortable telling me [you're bi], but you haven't told your parents?" to which I replied "yup, pretty much". My life, ladies, gentlemen, however else you preferred to be called.
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Well, they got the restraining order on sis's friend, not my sis. Either way, it really scares me and makes me kind of want to stay in my half closet thing I've got going on for fear of disowning or whatever. DX srsly, wtf did I do in a previous life to warrant being the black sheep of the family in all the worst possible ways? *headdesk*
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I also hadn't thought about the recognizing abuse part.
My thing was always, okay, we're adults here... and we recognize that we're probably going to love more than one person, often in more than one way, sometimes even at one time. People say you have a soulmate, but there's 7 billion people on the planet! How depressing to think there's just one person out there for you!
I try to explain it to people: I like mango sherbet. I also like fudge ripple ice cream. Mango sherbet and fudge ripple are nothing alike, outside of being icy and delicious. BUT I LOVE BOTH! Equally! Just for different reasons! And the delicious fruityness of mango does not in any way diminish the delicious decadence of fudge! One is not better than the other. Why can't I just be honest with both mango and fudge ripple and tell them both that I like and want them both without a fight over which is better and "pick mango or fudge, you can't have both or you're a BAD PERSON". x.x
Oh. 'Polyamory'. Ok. That would make sense. There's a word for that? yaaaay! No need to be locked into a relationship with mango while longing for fudge ripple (or vice-versa)! So long as they both know about it and consent, I can have both in my life! Woohoo! There's no reason for people to cheat if they just admit that loving or just wanting to have sex with more than one person does not make them a bad person. It's the lack of getting informed consent from partners that gives a person shitty character.
But with poly relationships does come insecurity and drama. It isn't all hugs and roses. Everyone involved has to be very secure with themselves and honest with each other. It's a lot of work. Exponential amounts of work with each partner, really. It takes a certain attitude and dedication, and... it can be more exhausting than mono relationships. Rewarding, yes, but also exhausting. Definitely not something for everyone!
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Yeeeeah. Ugh. *throws up hands*
Poly certainly isn't perfect. There are advantages, but there are also disadvantages. It certainly is not for everyone. :)
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