Manifesto on Life as a Female
This was inspired by a question on my Christianity & Sexuality exam about the detrimental effects of pornography on society.
Because pornography elevates the levels of the same chemicals also activated during drug use and falling in love, porn can become an addiction for those who use it. Addictions are harmful not only to those who suffer from them, but to the friends and families of the addicts as well. Addicts tend to isolate themselves, and curing addiction is a long, arduous, and often painful process - but it can be done. The viewing of pornography does have everlasting effects, however, and those who view pornography - both women and men - view women differently than those who have not used pornography.
Simply put, pornography encourages the ongoing objectification of and violence toward women. Women in the sex industry are routinely viewed as sexual objects created for men’s pleasure. Real sex is devalued by the viewing of pornography, because no actual sex could live up to the air-brushed fantasies that porn presents as reality.
It’s not like being a porn-worthy bombshell is any better. Women from the sex industry are viewed as a lower from of life and degraded by both men and women for their perceived “choice” - although in many cases there is no alternative, or the alternatives are just as bad if not worse. Men and women both not in the sex industry view it as their right to pass judgment on prostitutes, call girls, dominatrices, escorts, and porn stars. Apparently holding any one of these jobs means you have given up your right to be treated as a human being.
And yet the Madonna-Whore Complex is enforced, not just by pornography but by the media. One has only to look advertisements of any medium to realize that sex sells - and not just any sex, but female sexuality. Girls must not actually have sex, yet somehow be an expert on the subject in the bedroom. They must appear moral and innocent, yet have a kinky wild side. They must allow men to dominate them in the real world by obeying rules and orders, and allow men to dominate them in the bedroom by thinking only of the man’s pleasure and sexual gratification. Lesbian and bisexual women aren’t any freer than heterosexual women. Lesbianism is fetishized and actual lesbian relationships are not treated with anymore respect than are their homosexual male counterparts.
If women don’t wear revealing clothes or refuse to engage in the sorts of sex acts men have viewed in pornography, women are seen as cold, selfish, and prudish. If girls enjoy sex and are proud of their bodies, they are viewed by men as sluts and by other women as idiots with loose morals who get pleasure out of backstabbing other women and have no purpose in life outside of sexual use.
Women live with the dreadful knowledge that they will never be good enough, and that any attempts to become good enough will be faced with ridicule. If women are raped, they will often not come forward because they have been taught to believe that their victimization was their own fault. They don’t know that being silent does not equal consent, that not saying no does not equal consent. That you can’t consent if you’re drunk, asleep, or unconscious. That you can’t consent if you’re underage, or if you feel, for one reason or another including physical abuse and emotional manipulation, that you can’t say no. Sexual harassment is blown off as “no big deal” terrifyingly often, and the idea that the trauma doesn’t matter is what silences women and allows men to continue this pattern. What many people don’t seem to understand is that this is how abusive relationships work. The abused are taught that what they are experiencing is normal and that they are the ones with the problem. This is real-life objectification, and it’s not a problem that you can escape.
Men and women both reinforce the victim-blaming through slut-shaming; even though men want women to wear more revealing clothing, want them to act more sexually promiscuous, their immediate defense when accused of rape is that the woman was “asking for it” by the way she was walking, talking, or dressing. The truth of the matter is that, in men’s minds, women are “asking for it” simply by existing. In the event that a woman is brave enough to come forward with her case of sexual assault she faces disbelief and social ostricization from both men and women who will side with her rapist in the belief that she somehow asked for the attack. So as if the trauma of being raped wasn’t enough, society holds no sympathy for victims.
I needed to write this and I need people to read this because many people believe that feminism serves no purpose anymore, and even other women think this. And really, I think we’re all just a little too terrified. I need people to understand that this really is a big deal, that no one is exaggerating when they talk about how unsafe modern life is for women. And the only way I can think of to do this is by reminding you that one in three women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime - and that’s just of the women who have actually reported assault, which itself is quite a low number. Every female-bodied person that you know - your mother(s), sister(s), daughter(s), friend(s), niece(s), grandmother(s), aunt(s), cousin(s), and even you will more than likely be raped or otherwise sexually assaulted in your lifetime.
Because pornography elevates the levels of the same chemicals also activated during drug use and falling in love, porn can become an addiction for those who use it. Addictions are harmful not only to those who suffer from them, but to the friends and families of the addicts as well. Addicts tend to isolate themselves, and curing addiction is a long, arduous, and often painful process - but it can be done. The viewing of pornography does have everlasting effects, however, and those who view pornography - both women and men - view women differently than those who have not used pornography.
Simply put, pornography encourages the ongoing objectification of and violence toward women. Women in the sex industry are routinely viewed as sexual objects created for men’s pleasure. Real sex is devalued by the viewing of pornography, because no actual sex could live up to the air-brushed fantasies that porn presents as reality.
It’s not like being a porn-worthy bombshell is any better. Women from the sex industry are viewed as a lower from of life and degraded by both men and women for their perceived “choice” - although in many cases there is no alternative, or the alternatives are just as bad if not worse. Men and women both not in the sex industry view it as their right to pass judgment on prostitutes, call girls, dominatrices, escorts, and porn stars. Apparently holding any one of these jobs means you have given up your right to be treated as a human being.
And yet the Madonna-Whore Complex is enforced, not just by pornography but by the media. One has only to look advertisements of any medium to realize that sex sells - and not just any sex, but female sexuality. Girls must not actually have sex, yet somehow be an expert on the subject in the bedroom. They must appear moral and innocent, yet have a kinky wild side. They must allow men to dominate them in the real world by obeying rules and orders, and allow men to dominate them in the bedroom by thinking only of the man’s pleasure and sexual gratification. Lesbian and bisexual women aren’t any freer than heterosexual women. Lesbianism is fetishized and actual lesbian relationships are not treated with anymore respect than are their homosexual male counterparts.
If women don’t wear revealing clothes or refuse to engage in the sorts of sex acts men have viewed in pornography, women are seen as cold, selfish, and prudish. If girls enjoy sex and are proud of their bodies, they are viewed by men as sluts and by other women as idiots with loose morals who get pleasure out of backstabbing other women and have no purpose in life outside of sexual use.
Women live with the dreadful knowledge that they will never be good enough, and that any attempts to become good enough will be faced with ridicule. If women are raped, they will often not come forward because they have been taught to believe that their victimization was their own fault. They don’t know that being silent does not equal consent, that not saying no does not equal consent. That you can’t consent if you’re drunk, asleep, or unconscious. That you can’t consent if you’re underage, or if you feel, for one reason or another including physical abuse and emotional manipulation, that you can’t say no. Sexual harassment is blown off as “no big deal” terrifyingly often, and the idea that the trauma doesn’t matter is what silences women and allows men to continue this pattern. What many people don’t seem to understand is that this is how abusive relationships work. The abused are taught that what they are experiencing is normal and that they are the ones with the problem. This is real-life objectification, and it’s not a problem that you can escape.
Men and women both reinforce the victim-blaming through slut-shaming; even though men want women to wear more revealing clothing, want them to act more sexually promiscuous, their immediate defense when accused of rape is that the woman was “asking for it” by the way she was walking, talking, or dressing. The truth of the matter is that, in men’s minds, women are “asking for it” simply by existing. In the event that a woman is brave enough to come forward with her case of sexual assault she faces disbelief and social ostricization from both men and women who will side with her rapist in the belief that she somehow asked for the attack. So as if the trauma of being raped wasn’t enough, society holds no sympathy for victims.
I needed to write this and I need people to read this because many people believe that feminism serves no purpose anymore, and even other women think this. And really, I think we’re all just a little too terrified. I need people to understand that this really is a big deal, that no one is exaggerating when they talk about how unsafe modern life is for women. And the only way I can think of to do this is by reminding you that one in three women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime - and that’s just of the women who have actually reported assault, which itself is quite a low number. Every female-bodied person that you know - your mother(s), sister(s), daughter(s), friend(s), niece(s), grandmother(s), aunt(s), cousin(s), and even you will more than likely be raped or otherwise sexually assaulted in your lifetime.