My child has a transgender caregiver
**Trigger warning for transphobia**
A concerned mother writes to Aunt and Uncle Agony this week asking whether she should pull her children out of daycare because a caregiver is transgender. It comes as a Swedish preschool goes gender-free, banning gender pronouns with staff avoiding using words such as "him" or "her" - food for thought as we consider today's dilemma.
I'm a mother of three children, twin boys who are turning three this year and my four-year-old son.
As I work full time, my twins are in daycare and the eldest goes to kindy, then daycare after. It's a great daycare centre and the boys all love it.
However, I recently found out something very disturbing about one of the women who works there.
A friend of a friend knows her and knows that she used to be a he (and I did some digging online to confirm after I found out).
Now I don't have a problem with transgenders but I think that a daycare should have to disclose something like this to the parents.
I have informed some of the other parents whose kids are friends with mine and they agree with me. Not only that, two of the families have pulled their kids out and are now taking them somewhere else.
My husband thinks that we should move our kids too, but I have really mixed feelings about this because they love it there.
Worst of all, my eldest has been dressing up in girls' clothes at kindy (I haven't told my husband this) and I'm worried that somehow he has become confused by this person at daycare, so I'm leaning towards agreeing with my husband.
What should I do?
Uncle replies:
You need to lighten up, lady. You're not a protective mother of three, you're a worry wort.
Firstly, your boy is a pre-schooler; I don't think you can bank stocks on him moving to Bangkok and hitting the Lady Boy circuit just yet.
Secondly, the teacher's transgender, not a child molester or serial killer. With all the atrocities against children that are reported day-in and day-out in this country, when was the last time you saw a case where a transgender person was responsible?
You say you recently found out something "very disturbing"? You need to drag yourself into 2011 and realise your kid's probably safer with this teacher than some others.
How would your pre-schooler even know the gender identity of his teacher? Is she called Brian? Does her tee-shirt say: "I used to have balls"? Is she standing up to pee?
Who's at kindy here? Sounds like you and your husband are the ones who need to grow up.
Aunty replies:
Whoa, uncle, you are in an unusually accepting mood today.
While (for once) I agree with the tone of where you're coming from, I can also understand concerned mum's worries.
The transgender staff member has obviously become an issue among parents and I question whether the daycare centre could have handled the situation better?
Are the children aware the staff member is transgender? It's highly unlikely this would influence your son's decision to dress in girls' clothes anyway - after all, kids dress up - but you have a duty to talk to the daycare centre manager anyway.
Firstly, you're obviously worried and, secondly, the centre should know about parents' concerns rather than just suddenly having a whole bunch of kids withdrawn out of fears they can hopefully allay.
Also, failure to address this means I'm not sure you actually live up to your clichéd line "now I don't have a problem with...".
Source: Stuff.co.nz
Just a little bit of RAGE for my Friday! However, this is one of the few cases where the comments are overwhemingly not!fail, which makes me gain just a smidgen of hope for humanity.
A concerned mother writes to Aunt and Uncle Agony this week asking whether she should pull her children out of daycare because a caregiver is transgender. It comes as a Swedish preschool goes gender-free, banning gender pronouns with staff avoiding using words such as "him" or "her" - food for thought as we consider today's dilemma.
I'm a mother of three children, twin boys who are turning three this year and my four-year-old son.
As I work full time, my twins are in daycare and the eldest goes to kindy, then daycare after. It's a great daycare centre and the boys all love it.
However, I recently found out something very disturbing about one of the women who works there.
A friend of a friend knows her and knows that she used to be a he (and I did some digging online to confirm after I found out).
Now I don't have a problem with transgenders but I think that a daycare should have to disclose something like this to the parents.
I have informed some of the other parents whose kids are friends with mine and they agree with me. Not only that, two of the families have pulled their kids out and are now taking them somewhere else.
My husband thinks that we should move our kids too, but I have really mixed feelings about this because they love it there.
Worst of all, my eldest has been dressing up in girls' clothes at kindy (I haven't told my husband this) and I'm worried that somehow he has become confused by this person at daycare, so I'm leaning towards agreeing with my husband.
What should I do?
Uncle replies:
You need to lighten up, lady. You're not a protective mother of three, you're a worry wort.
Firstly, your boy is a pre-schooler; I don't think you can bank stocks on him moving to Bangkok and hitting the Lady Boy circuit just yet.
Secondly, the teacher's transgender, not a child molester or serial killer. With all the atrocities against children that are reported day-in and day-out in this country, when was the last time you saw a case where a transgender person was responsible?
You say you recently found out something "very disturbing"? You need to drag yourself into 2011 and realise your kid's probably safer with this teacher than some others.
How would your pre-schooler even know the gender identity of his teacher? Is she called Brian? Does her tee-shirt say: "I used to have balls"? Is she standing up to pee?
Who's at kindy here? Sounds like you and your husband are the ones who need to grow up.
Aunty replies:
Whoa, uncle, you are in an unusually accepting mood today.
While (for once) I agree with the tone of where you're coming from, I can also understand concerned mum's worries.
The transgender staff member has obviously become an issue among parents and I question whether the daycare centre could have handled the situation better?
Are the children aware the staff member is transgender? It's highly unlikely this would influence your son's decision to dress in girls' clothes anyway - after all, kids dress up - but you have a duty to talk to the daycare centre manager anyway.
Firstly, you're obviously worried and, secondly, the centre should know about parents' concerns rather than just suddenly having a whole bunch of kids withdrawn out of fears they can hopefully allay.
Also, failure to address this means I'm not sure you actually live up to your clichéd line "now I don't have a problem with...".
Source: Stuff.co.nz
Just a little bit of RAGE for my Friday! However, this is one of the few cases where the comments are overwhemingly not!fail, which makes me gain just a smidgen of hope for humanity.