Shouldn't Wear That: Body Image and Language

[emilenshook]

“She REALLY shouldn’t wear that.”

I’ve heard it. I’ve read it. And back before I really considered the impact of casual language on self-esteem, I even said it myself. But nowadays when I hear that phrase, I absolutely cringe. It strikes me as more damaging than many of the other phrases used to criticize style choices related to figure

Comments

[floatingskyfish]

I love pieces like this. They're perfect nuggets of information to help when you call someone out. Thank you for posting it!

I do find it ridiculous when people say that casual language doesn't have any wider effect as it is supposed to be just that - casual. It's always riddled with privilege and very often completely ignorant.

[flumes]

You know what I hear all the time? That's not flattering. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT. I understand when people ask for critique and I give it though as nicely as I can be but I really focus on the pieces not the person. I just...hate shit like that.

[addienfaemne]

IDK, I always thought "That's not flattering" was an objective way of talking about how a piece may not make someone look their best. It isn't a statement I'd offer unless it was asked for, of course!

[fruhlings]

I'd say that it's often tied in to ideas of what a "pretty" woman should look like: i.e., not fat, for example. There's a lot of fatphobia involved in saying "that doesn't flatter you" or "she shouldn't wear that", I think. As a thin person, I've never had those things said to me, but I've heard it said plenty of times about fat people.

I think a better way to critique clothing choices is like what flumes said: focus on the pieces, not the person. Maybe say something like "Hm, I personally don't really like that color/style/pattern. Maybe try this color/style/pattern instead, and see how that works with the rest of the outfit." I think that's a better way to handle fashion critique, imo.

Critiquing someone's fashion choices can be done nicely, but again, I agree with flumes: focus less on the person wearing the outfit, and more on the individual articles of clothing. That way, imo, you do end up being more objective about it.

Idk, did that make sense?

[addienfaemne]

Yeah, it does. I guess I just see "That's not flattering on you" as an objective statement about the outfit, not the person. But I can see how in a certain light, it could be read as a fatphobic statement, and I'll be more careful about stating things in that way in the future.

[dragoness22]

I've always hated the "You really shouldn't wear that" phenomenon because it feels like it's saying your primary concern *needs* to be how good you look. Which just sits wrong with me. Why do I need to look 'good' just to be out in public? As far as I'm concerned, as long as my clothes aren't covered in stains and I don't stink/aren't dirty, I'm good to go.

I don't need to be beautiful.

[holdyourdevil]

Tonight on radio the host was having a conversation with a caller who was talking about how she'd probably lose weight if she had a fat roommate, because her roommate would disgust her. The host agreed, and said, "Lycra is a privilege, not a right!" I raged. If it really disturbs you to see certain people wearing certain things, there's a simple solution: LOOK AWAY, DUMBASS.

[curseangel]

Oh god, yes, I hate this crap. :\

My mother instructing me on what I should or shouldn't wear as a fat pre-teen/teenager (among other things she did/said, but this was major, too) led to years of my being ignored, having zero self-esteem, getting picked on and made fun of, and tons of other crappy shit. Because, you know, fat girls "shouldn't wear" shirts that aren't at least a size or two too large, and "must wear" pants with elastic waists (seriously, I don't even). (I have rebelled. Everything I own now fits me. I even show skin, and wear short sleeves, and skirts, and corset tops on occasion. And I look great!)