The Honour of Gentlemen Part 1: Truth in the Telling - A
This cost would be somewhat offset by the dowry for his forthcoming marriage; Neil had made himself a fine match. His prospects and his wit had made him an attractive candidate to several of the county's most eligible females, including several that had finally given up on Adam himself. Neil had only been too happy to insinuate that Adam would be remaining a bachelor and that he would ever be Adam's heir. Adam was happy that his younger brother had his pick of women. He had considered taking a wife himself to keep up appearances, but in London no one had seemed to care that he preferred men to women. Perhaps that happy social indifference would be absent in the country; he would have to be less overt outside of London. The thought made Adam shudder.
It wasn’t so much that woman disgusted him; several of his close friends were women. He had even experimentally kissed a few to find that he liked it. Kissing was a natural extension of friendship amongst the enlightened minds of London who were his contemporaries and friends. Yet, when it came to anything further or to any true blending of the spirit, there really had only ever been Bradley. Bradley on stage, powdered and costumed. Bradley singing in the morning, eyes sharp and seductive and amused at everything around him. Bradley spread out on his bed, beneath him but always in control. It hadn’t always been wonderful. In fact, most times it had been downright difficult. Adam thoughtfully took another drink of scotch, emptying his flask. That hadn’t taken long, he thought, pocketing the empty container and returning to his musing.
Unsurprisingly his mind wandered back to Bradley, to their last night together. Adam could tell it was goodbye from the look in his eyes, the anticipation of the moment they would part. There had been those among their circle that had forewarned him about Bradley, about how he would latch on to a well-to-do man and suddenly all the funding problems for his theatrical ventures seemed to disappear. Adam had stubbornly told himself that this was different; that Brad was a changed man. However, in their third year together he felt that Bradley’s interest had begun to wane and before long someone with more money came along; a lord’s son. He was younger than Adam, too, and prettier. Adam had seen them talking in Vauxhall, Bradley brushing his arm casually and looking hopefully into the other man’s eyes. He had confronted Bradley about it, but Brad had brushed him off, dismissing him as jealous and foolish. Adam had believed him in spite of the growing whispers amidst their friends that something more was afoot. Even after Bradley had broken their relationship off, Adam had been determined to remain in London amid their close circle of friends, but it only took one performance to change his mind. It broke his heart to see Brad singing his heart out on stage, singing for his little Lordling. Adam had decided that very night that perhaps a change of scene would benefit him. A return home.
~~~
KRISTOPHER Allen took Katherine’s delicate, gloved hand and stepped lightly in time to the music. She waltzed beautifully; it was almost as if she could float. He was proud, in that moment, that all the eyes in the room were on her, and soon she would be his. Pride was a sin, and Kristopher tried not to dwell on it, but perhaps such small errors could be overlooked. He was finally going to ask her for her hand in marriage, after months of convincing her father that he was worthy of her. Her father had consented but had then whisked Katy off to London for a holiday, robbing Kris of any proposal opportunities. However, upon her return her father had been kind enough to throw her a homecoming party, and Kris was determined to ask her this evening.
“Mister Allen” She said, looking him in the eyes as she crossed in front of him and changed hands, slightly bobbing with one foot behind the other. “Would you like to take a walk outside?”
Kris’s jaw dropped. Katy was never this forward. Surely she didn’t mean unchaperoned?
“I think we could slip out the servant’s entrance.” She continued on her next pass. “Just nod if you’ll agree. I know it’s improper-“
Kris cut her off with a nod and tried to study the look on her face. Her smile could set his heart ablaze, but she had no smile for him tonight. She was so lovely: blonde hair and green eyes, a dimpled grin and fair complexion…Kris listed off her features as a poet might. He had, in fact, written her several poems but had dismissed them all as not worthy. They had grown up in the same town, and though her family was of a much higher station, they would dance together as often as propriety would allow. Every social event of the season would be another excuse to see her, try and win her affections. Kris knew he shouldn’t be nervous. Why, Katherine had hinted at making a life together often enough that their engagement seemed a natural conclusion. Yet there was something in her face that worried him.
After the song ended, she disappeared and Kris waited a few moments before following.
“Best of luck, Kristopher.” His brother, Daniel clasped him on the back. Kris nodded at him and started across the room. Daniel had been recently married himself, and his wife Eleanor was expecting their first child. Kristopher wondered if he, too, would be so quick to start a family. The thought formed a tight little ball in his throat. Of course, Katy was beautiful, and Kris knew what activities were necessary to have a baby. His father had explained, and of course Daniel had bragged about his various conquests even before Eleanor. He’d never so much as kissed Katy. She had given him her glove however, and he had kissed that once before tucking it in his wardrobe. Kris felt himself growing ever more anxious as he wove through the crowd.
At last he made it through the small door and out into the rear garden. Katy was standing amidst the night-blooming flowers, elegant in her simple gown. Her hair was caught up so that only a single curl fell from its binding. She looked stunning and suddenly Kristopher understood why her father had been so reluctant to give his permission. There was no way he could be worthy of her, not ever. Even so, he had to try. Kristopher walked towards her, trying to be as quiet as possible.
“Miss O’Connell.” He whispered. “Katy, if I may-“
“Of course you may. We’ve been good friends for many years, haven’t we?” She was smiling now, but it was a pressed, difficult-looking smile.
“We have. In fact, I’ve been meaning to speak with you about that.” Kris stammered a bit, looking toward the moon momentarily. It was easier than looking at her.
“I hope we’ll remain good friends for many years to come.” Katy continued as if she had not heard him. “Perhaps our children will play together as we once did.”
Kris was confused. It was terribly forward of Katy to talk about having children together before they were even engaged. He frowned slightly.
"Our children?" Kristopher finally stammered. "I'm afraid I don't understand."
"Not our children” Katy stammered, blushing. “I meant our respective children, of course.” Kris gave her another bewildered look and she glanced around nervously. “I know you spoke to my father before we departed for London." Katy continued, clearly distraught. "Of course he didn't mention it until it was too late."
Kris felt his hopes sink like a stone tossed into a pond.
"Too late?" Kris repeated. "But I haven't even asked you-"
"I met a man in London. I should say, we were introduced. He's heir to the largest estate in Yorkshire. He, well he spoke to father and my parents...they thought it would be a good match."
"I...I had spoken to your father...I shouldn’t have procrastinated, but Katy - I thought you knew. Surely you knew."
"Kristopher. You know that I hold you in the greatest esteem. But my parents told me he is afforded 800 pounds a year. Can you imagine such a sum? I'd be able to make sure they are well taken care of. It would mean better social arrangements for my sisters. I'd be able to make charitable donations, put some of that fortune to good use." Katy swallowed hard. "My parents thought it would be for the best, Father decided-"
"That you should marry some swell you don't even know because his pockets are well-lined?"
"Kristopher, he is a good man. His family is socially impeccable, save for his elder brother, but-"
"You don't even know him. Katherine...Katy." Kris's voice was soft, pleading. He took a step closer to her and gently placed his hand on her arm. "What of the plans we spoke of? My studies are almost complete and I am set to take my vows next week. We were going to find a small parish out in the country that had need of a pastor and we-"
At this, Katy brightened.
"That is the good news, Kristopher. Heathwick is large enough that it has a parish of its own. The church is attended by farmers and the townspeople from the surrounding villages. Neil mentioned that their pastor had recently been called to Heaven and I mentioned you. He... he spoke to the Bishop and if you'd like it, the church would be yours. The parsonage too, it's located on the grounds of the manor. Neil - my fiancé, his brother purchased him a commission in the Army so he will be away much of the time. He thought it would be nice for me to have a friend close by. Perhaps, if you took a wife, she and I could be good friends as well."
Kris's mind was reeling. He had always dreamed of a parish of his own and had thought it would be years before he attained that dream. The dream had always included her as his wife, however, and the idea of having her so close at hand yet out of his grasp was difficult to bear.
"I must say, my heart is...Katy I thought we had an understanding. If you really intend to marry this stranger I must confess my disappointment."
"Please, Kristopher. I feel as though this is the best way forward. I have always thought you would be part of my life. Nothing has changed other than the role I thought you would play. Accept the posting.”
Kris blinked back tears. Good God, he couldn’t cry. Not in front of Katy. He turned away for a moment, trying to breathe deeply. It was this motion that enabled him to see a tall, dark haired man walking towards them in the moonlight.
“Are you here, my love?” the man asked and broke into a bit of a trot when he saw Katy, obviously eager to be at her side.
“Ah, you must be Mr. Allen. “ The man bowed slightly, and Kris returned the gesture. “Katy’s told me so much about you. I do hope you’ll accept the posting. We do so need a man of your conviction, especially with my elder brother returning. He’s been in London so long he’s practically a heathen!” Neil laughed at his own joke, winking at Kris as to show he was kidding.
“We really must be getting inside, my love.” Neil continued, kissing Katy’s hand lightly. “Your father wants to make the announcement.” He turned back to Kris, bowing again. “I’m sorry, you must think me terribly rude. I’m Neil Lambert, of Heathwick. Miss O’Connell’s intended. “
“Ah, no. Not at all.” Kris stammered, bobbing his head in return.
“Katy’s spoken so fondly of you. She tells me you’ve been like a brother to her. I hope we shall be like brothers too. The parsonage is lovely - very close to the main house. Why, when Pastor Robbins died I wept for a week. I practically grew up at his knee. The old man taught me how to play rugby, if you can believe it. I’ll bet you’re a rugger. You’ve got the makings of a fair scrum half.” Neil gestured towards the house and Kris walked next to him, Katy his other arm demurely.”
“I, ah… No. Well, yes I’ve played but not regularly enough to have a position.”
“A shame I’ll be off for Spain so soon. Why, we’ll barely have time to get settled before I have to leave again. If I had longer we could organize a match; get all the local lads in for a weekend. What a lark!” Neil seemed to be an amiable fellow, but Kris could tell he was trying to draw Kris into conversation. Perhaps he wanted to see if he refuted Katy’s claim that her affections towards him were sisterly. No matter the case, Kris tried to steer the conversation away from the wedding. Inspiration struck.
“Does your brother play?” Kris asked suddenly, remembering that Neil was the heir to Heathwick, not the owner. “That is, is your brother often at Heathwick?”
“Adam lives in London, and no-“ Neil chuckled and dropped his voice low, leaning closer to Kris “-he doesn’t play rugby. But the lads about town tell me he’s not one to turn down a scrum. If you follow.” It took Kris a moment and a suggestive arch in Neil’s brow, but after a moment spent reflecting on the proximity and position of rugby players engaged in a scrum, he did indeed follow. Neil was implying that his elder brother was a sodomite, if Kris was reading him correctly. It would certainly explain why Neil was to inherit rather than any future offspring of the elder Lambert brother.
“Once Katy and I start a family, my allowance will double. Since Adam refuses to take up residence at Heathwick, it was always our agreement that I would raise my family there. As mother and father are no longer with us, there’s no one to force him to marry - so he’s decided he won’t. Stroke of luck for me - I doubt pretty Kate over here would have given me a second look without Heathwick.” Neil kissed her on the cheek as she swatted him good-naturedly.
“Neil!” She chided him, giggling.
“I jest, my love. Your kindness and generosity would of course lead you to take pity on such a humble specimen as myself. A creature of your loveliness would be wasted on a fellow like Kristopher here, who is not homely enough to appreciate what beauty looks like. Why, he can see it in the mirror - why look elsewhere?”
“Neil!” Katy said again, laughing openly now, a joyous sound that made Kris’s heart ache. He makes her happy Kris realized, smiling a little wistfully.
“Oh come now, Mr. Allen. Do let’s be friends.” Neil said, smile fading a little when Kris did not join in the laughter. “I hope I didn’t cause offense. Katy will tell you, I always run on at the mouth. It’s a dreadful habit, but she does encourage it. I shall have to be very firm with her. Perhaps, as our liaison to the Almighty, you can intercede on my behalf? ‘Dear Lord, please grant strength to my dear friend Neil Lambert so that he doesn’t act up to impress his intended i I n front of her old friends.’”
Kris couldn’t help but join in the laughter this time, and Neil patted him lightly on the shoulder.
“Please Kristopher, do say a prayer for me.” Katy asked, wiping a tear as she came down from her fit of laughter. “I fear I shall need them.”
“I will.” Kristopher promised. “ Might I have a moment with your intended, Mr. Lambert? If that won’t strain the bonds of our new acquaintance?”
“Of course, my good man. I am sure you have a lot to discuss to plan the ceremony. You’ll be officiating, of course. Comes with the territory. Ah! Now you see my ulterior motive!” Neil bowed again, offering Kris a rakish grin before heading into back into the O’Connell residence.
Katy stood in silence a moment, looking at Kristopher sadly. Kris took a deep breath, unsure of what had just transpired. He only knew that he had come outside intending to propose and was coming back inside having agreed to marry the woman of his dreams - to another man.
“I do wish you every happiness, Katy.” Kris started. “I just wish that it were me.” He said softly, before shaking his head to clear the thought. “No matter. It’s for the best, as you say. And I wouldn’t stand in the way of your future. I shall be satisfied as to my part in it, as best I can.”
“Oh, Kristopher.” Katy closed the gap between them and embraced him. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know and by the time I did - “
“Do not worry yourself on my account. He is a good man. I can tell.”
“That means very much to me, Kristopher. I treasure your good opinion.”
“May it long be so.” Kris took her hand and kissed it gently. “But I believe you have an announcement to make, and I should let you return to your guests.” He said, turning her towards the door.
“Aren’t you coming inside?”
“I believe I shall walk home. Would you be a dear and send Daniel after me?”
Her face fell somewhat, but she nodded.
“Of course. Goodnight, Kristopher.”
“Goodnight, Miss O’Connell.” He said, returning to formality and relishing the few opportunities to use her maiden name that he had left. He watched her enter her house before departing, making his way through the back garden to his family’s land by moonlight.
“Guide me.” He implored the heavens, though there was no earthy direction he sought. He could have made his way home in pitch-blackness. No, Kris prayed for a new north by which to aim the compass of his soul; the old stars would no longer do.
~~~
THE meeting with the lawyer had gone well, and his journey had progressed slowly northward towards North Gate, where Heathwick was located. Adam took his time in a few of the towns, trying to remember what it was like to live in a place so full of quiet. After his third such extended stay, he realized that he was simply putting off his return to Heathwick. A journey that should have taken the better part of a week turned into a fortnight, but Adam had run out of pastoral villages. The only town in front of him was his own, and he could see the winding road that would take him out of the village and to the manor and church that were his birthright.
Heathwick. One look at her and Adam was instantly transported back to simpler times: before his parents had died, before his relocation to London, before Bradley Bell. The graceful white columns still stood majestic atop the stairs, which spilled down onto the hills like an invitation. The parsonage stood snug between two oak trees, and Adam followed the footpath from the front door of the little stone cottage, across the river to the church - which was strangely occupied.
“Driver!” Adam rapped on the roof. “What day is today?”
“Saturday, June 14th, m’lud.” Came the chipper reply.
“Then why…?“ The carriage was drawing near the church now, and Adam rapped on the ceiling again.
“Let me out, I’ll meet you at the manor. You can bring my bags in, I’ll leave you the key.”
“Right-o, sir. Will you be long?”
“Only a moment, I should think. I’ll have your fee presently.”
Without waiting for the carriage to stop, Adam swung down and began walking towards the church. Perhaps he shouldn’t intrude - it could be someone’s christening, he warned himself, but his curiosity was piqued. Last he heard, old Pastor Robbins had died, and the church had been unable to find a pastor willing to relocate this far out for this small of a congregation, much less one located on a manor that had been all but abandoned.
Adam put his hand on the pull of the church door, feeling the pitted metal even through his gloves. He had almost pulled it open when he heard a sound-
The church organ, blasting out a chord, followed by a voice, sure and strong. The singer’s pure tenor was golden, as warm as the June sun on Adam’s dark coat.
“Sicut cervus desiderat ad fontes aquarum, ita desiderat anima mea ad te, Deus.”
Adam felt as though he had been kicked in the gullet as the rest of the congregation joined in the song. It had been a favorite of Bradley’s; he had insisted on playing it even though Adam had tried to banish religious songs from his townhouse.
“It’s beautiful.” Bradley had said, smiling as he pressed the keys. “Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the beauty of it.”
“It’s about death-“ Adam had protested.
“It’s about a love stronger than death. A thirst to be together even though you might feel abandoned and alone. Maybe you can relate?” Brad had stopped playing and kissed him - there was never any arguing with him.
“ad te, Deus.“
Adam was transfixed by the resolution of the final chord, having followed the tenor throughout the piece. The fact that there was indeed a service taking place occurred to Adam at last, and he removed his hand from the door, not wanting to interrupt.
“We are gathered here today to celebrate the holy matrimony of Neil Lambert and Katherine O’Connell“
The same tenor voice, so uplifted in song, sounded muted and sad speaking, the words so infused with emotion that Adam almost didn’t catch the name. When it registered, Adam pivoted on his heel and burst into the church. It was his brother’s wedding, God damn it, and if anyone had a right to interrupt, it was Adam.
~~~
KRISTOPHER was sweating. It was his first full service as a newly ordained priest of the Church of England, and it was a wedding at that. Not just any wedding, either. The wedding of the woman he had spent the last three years assuming he would one day marry to his new landlord’s affable and wealthy younger brother. Katy looked radiant, though it was clear she wasn’t looking at Kris. For Neil’s part, he didn’t seem to notice the tension; he seemed as eager as any groom on his wedding day. Their wedding was to have been months off, but last week Neil had received orders that his regiment would be leaving for Spain. Neil had begged Katy to move up the date; should something happen to him in the fighting he wanted to make sure she was well taken care of.
The organ began Kris’s favorite motet, a Palestrina, based on psalm 42.
So as the deer longeth for running water, yea, so my soul longeth for you, oh Lord. The words of the motet were simple but evocative. Kris couldn’t help but think that his deer was bounding out of his grasp at last, having drunk her fill. It was an uncharitable thought, and he banished it to the back of his mind and let his voice carry his emotion instead. Katy’s airy soprano and Neil’s hesitant bass were no match for him, but the rest of the congregation supported them all. It was a beautiful sound, and joyous. Everything was almost as it should have been.
As the song faded, Kris began the words of the ceremony. He looked past Katy and Neil, not wanting to see the excitement in her eyes as she looked up at her soon-to-be husband, their names falling from his mouth with much practiced diction. He hoped he didn’t sound as shaky as he felt, and secretly prayed for deliverance.
The church door swung open loudly and Kris caught his breath. The late afternoon sun backlit the figure, as tall and straight a fellow as Kris had seen. The man seemed to forget himself for a moment as he looked around the small church, surveying the scene. With a graceful gesture, he swept his top hat off his head and slipped his black gloves from his hands.
“Brother!” Neil called, cutting through the silence of the moment. The man stepped forward, the door swinging closed behind him so Kris could get a good look at him.
He looked like Neil, but at the same time, nothing at all like him. Whereas Neil’s face was bright and happy, his elder brother looked morose and pale. Where Neil’s hair was dark, his brother’s was fair - a golden - copper. His eyes swept over the room like a bird of prey, scanning the crowd for familiar faces, looking Katy up and down as if to find fault, and finally settled on Kris himself.
But the lads about town tell me he’s not one to turn down a scrum. If you follow. Neil had said. Kris supposed he should be repulsed, but Neil hadn’t seemed so, and as Adam gazed at him appraisingly, Kristopher Allen drew himself up to his full height. He had always been able to feel the hand of God in his life, and Kris felt it now, pushing him from behind ever so slightly towards the intimidating figure in front of him. What was behind this man’s evident suffering? Why had his own brother not bothered to invite him to his wedding? Was he really the sinner that Neil had so cheerfully painted him?
“Neil.” The man spoke, his voice high and cold. “I see congratulations are in order.”
“Adam. Don’t be cross with me. I did send a letter to your flat in London. My orders require me to report for duty next week and I, well, we wanted to g be married before I left.” Neil had left Katy at the altar and was walking hurriedly towards his elder brother, Adam. “Please. Join us in front. “ Neil waved aside his attendant, and escorted Adam to the place of honour at his right.
“Adam, this is my bride Katherine - Katy. Katy this is my brother, Adam.” Neil introduced. “Oh, and our new pastor, the Reverend Kristopher Allen.”
“How do you do.” Adam bowed his head slightly, looking longer at Kris than he did at Katy, though he did return her smile. It rang hollow to Kris, though Katy didn’t seem to notice.
“You may proceed, Reverend.” Neil said, but Adam tugged his shoulder and whispered something. Neil looked at him oddly and whispered back.
“I understand that, but I’m the one that’s paying for it. I shall have my say.” Kris heard Adam mutter angrily.
“Very well.” Neil said, face darkening. “No more music, however. My brother has a sudden aversion-“
“An aching head after a long day of travel.” Adam insisted. “I apologise.”
“Not at all, Mister Lambert.” Katy said, her voice sweet and full of the kindness Kris had so long admired. “If Adam is ill we could wait an hour more.”
“No, no. Do proceed.” Adam waved his hand. “Just…no more noise than necessary.”
After a long moment of awkward silence, Kris continued with the ceremony, unable to be nervous about the words anymore, not with Adam’s pale blue eyes resting solely on him for the balance of the afternoon.
~~~
ADAM leaned against the cherry mantle of the drawing room fireplace, contemplating his reflection in the plate glass window. He had been a boy the last time he had visited this room and now he was master of it.
"So you're married" Adam began, addressing his brother, who looked eager to get this particular conversation over with.
"So you're back home. For how long?" Neil ran a hand through his curly hair, tapping his foot quietly.
"Longer then you intend to stay, apparently." Adam poured his brother a drink. "It's good to see you, Neil. It's been far too long."
"A problem you could have remedied, had you wished." Neil bristled. "But London has its allure, I suppose. I certainly found happiness there."
"Her family is a bit lower than father would have preferred, but I suppose given the circumstances it was a good match. You might have consulted me, Neil."
"You have done as you wished for six years now without regard to familial responsibility. I've acted as head of the family in everything but name. Certainly I should be afforded the privilege of choosing my own spouse, since that is another duty you've neglected." Neil was blunt, but not untruthful. Adam had indeed neglected his duty to Heathwick. Since he would not provide the family with an heir, it was well that Neil had taken it upon himself to find a wife. In Katherine O'Connell, Neil had found a family willing to overlook the eccentricities of Adam's lifestyle and provide Heathwick with a beautiful and socially capable mistress.
"Forgive me. You've done well for yourself. I will endeavour to take more of a hand in family matters, especially now that you will be departing. Your wife is welcome to stay here, of course, provided she doesn't mind my presence."
"Why should she? It's your home as well as mine. I expect she should be grateful for the company. The only other person of note within circumstance is Reverend Allen, her childhood beau." Neil quirked a grin. "A nice enough chap, I suppose. A trifle dull but earnest enough."
"I had been meaning to ask where he came from. I am hardly a church-going man but don't the bishops usually wait till a man is out of short-pants before awarding him a parish?"
Neil chuckled, swirling the wine in his glass before taking a sip.
"Usually. It was Katy's idea. I think she felt a little guilty. Apparently he carried quite the torch for her. Her father would have been a fool to approve of such a match, his prospects being what they were. So I took pity on the poor chap and wrote to Bishop Clark. He was only too happy to concede the appointment." Neil refilled his glass and checked his ascot in the looking-glass. "Not a bad bargain. We gain an extremely grateful pastor who will likely settle down with one of the local girls and I have someone to watch over Katy while I am away...and don't look at me like that." Adam had just shot Neil a wary look. "Katy's father assured me he was extremely pious. You're probably a greater threat to her virtue. At any rate, she hardly seems like the type to make a fool of me."
"You don't need a woman to make you a fool." Adam teased, and Neil raised an eyebrow.
"Neither do you, brother, if the London gossip is true."
"What do you know if it?" Adam's mood soured instantly, and the smirk fell of his brother's face.
"I have friends in London too, you know. Your exploits are not entirely a mystery. Your motivation, perhaps-"
"Shouldn't you be returning to your wife?" Adam interrupted, not wanting to discuss Bradley, especially not with Neil, of all people. He would likely tell him at exactly what point Bradley had fallen out of love with him, and chide Adam for not recognising his treachery immediately. He would be right to do so; Adam had been a fool for love. He vowed never to cede such power to another again, and being away from London all but removed the opportunity.
"We should both join the party. Will you favour us with a song?"
Adam scowled and left the room, not even caring to dignify Neil's request with a response. He wouldn't be insulted and then expected to perform like a common fool. Neil would make apologies for his absence, and if he took offence so be it.
~~~
THE grand ballroom of Heathwick did nothing to lift Kris’s spirits. If fact, it served only to throw into sharp relief the difference in station between he and Neil. How could he compare to this grandeur? He had been a fool, a blind fool to set his sights so high. Clearly, this sort of life was the life Katherine O’Connell deserved.
"You did a fine job today, Reverend." Kris eyed Katy's father James warily. He hadn't spoken to the man since he had given his permission to ask Katy's hand in marriage. His heart was not yet ready to forgive him, though Kris understood his situation. He would have done the same by his daughter were the choice in his hands. In some ways he was happy for Katy: that at least she would be well provided for. Neil Lambert could give her much that she deserved that Kristopher would have never been able to produce. He just hoped that, in time, Neil would love her as much. Surely he would.
"Thank you, sir. Congratulations on a most fortuitous match for your daughter. Now, if you'll excuse me..."
"Wait a moment, Mr. Allen. I wanted to congratulate you on your new posting as well. A parish of your own at your age is quite an accomplishment." James O'Connell thumped Kris on the back, and Kris shirked away from the heavy hand.
"Thank you, though your son-in-law had more to do with that than I did." Kristopher glanced around the room hurriedly, looking for anyone to save him from this thoroughly awkward conversation. Everywhere, guests were arriving and mingling, people Kristopher had never met. He was utterly alone in Heathwick but for the O'Connell family.
"If you were still looking for a wife, Katy's younger sister Mary is almost of a marriageable age. Now that you are a man of some means I am sure she would look favorably on such a match." James's wife Molly offered, tilting her head to indicate the second sister, who was giggling with the youngest O'Connell girl.
"I..uh, thank you for that suggestion. I think I shall settle in to my new duties before I do any courting." Kris tried to smile amiably, but he could tell from their disappointed reactions that they could read his disinterest. He excused himself, saying that he needed to meet his new parishioners, and wandered over to take a glass of wine from the serving tray.
Kristopher ducked around the corner, happy for the few moments alone. Molly O'Connell was not the only woman with eligible daughters in the room, she was simply the most forward. Other just-as-subtle offers would no doubt be bandied about for the remainder of the evening. Of course Kris planned to move on someday. But today was not that day. Today was a day to get mildly inebriated, make an appearance, and leave before he could get publicly emotional.
"This is supposed to be a celebration." Kris turned slightly to see Neil Lambert holding two glasses of wine. "Allow me." He said, exchanging Kris's almost empty glass for a full one.
"Congratulations." Kris said, raising his glass slightly.
"I hope that smile isn't the best you can muster, or the ladies of the village will stop attending service. I thought I had left behind my most morose guest when I parted company with my brother a moment ago." Neil smiled a little too knowingly, and Kris felt his face begin to burn.
"Forgive me, Mr. Lambert, I...wine always leaves me with a headache." Kristopher lied, hoping that Neil would attend to his other guests.
"If it's stronger drink you're after, you should see the other Mr. Lambert. Upstairs on the right. In fact, you should pay him a visit anyway. You'll know him by his frown."
"I met him at the service." Kris mumbled, taking a sip of the wine.
"Seemed to me that you were quite focused on someone else. Didn't know if you got a good look at him." Kris was surprised by the ice in his tone but couldn't fault Neil. After all, Kristopher was a wedding guest and should at least pretend to be happy. "But I can't hold it against you. She looks exceedingly lovely today." Neil continued.
"She does." Kris agreed, nodding his head.
"I hope we can be friends." Neil said, offering his hand.
"I'm sure of it." Kris took the hand that was offered. "As long as you're good to her."
"You have my word."
"Good man." Neil smiled at him, a genuine smile rather than his typical sardonic smirk. "I should get back to my guests. Do drop in on my brother."
"I shall." Kris promised, watching Neil make his way towards the crowded ballroom to dance with his new wife.
~~~
It wasn’t so much that woman disgusted him; several of his close friends were women. He had even experimentally kissed a few to find that he liked it. Kissing was a natural extension of friendship amongst the enlightened minds of London who were his contemporaries and friends. Yet, when it came to anything further or to any true blending of the spirit, there really had only ever been Bradley. Bradley on stage, powdered and costumed. Bradley singing in the morning, eyes sharp and seductive and amused at everything around him. Bradley spread out on his bed, beneath him but always in control. It hadn’t always been wonderful. In fact, most times it had been downright difficult. Adam thoughtfully took another drink of scotch, emptying his flask. That hadn’t taken long, he thought, pocketing the empty container and returning to his musing.
Unsurprisingly his mind wandered back to Bradley, to their last night together. Adam could tell it was goodbye from the look in his eyes, the anticipation of the moment they would part. There had been those among their circle that had forewarned him about Bradley, about how he would latch on to a well-to-do man and suddenly all the funding problems for his theatrical ventures seemed to disappear. Adam had stubbornly told himself that this was different; that Brad was a changed man. However, in their third year together he felt that Bradley’s interest had begun to wane and before long someone with more money came along; a lord’s son. He was younger than Adam, too, and prettier. Adam had seen them talking in Vauxhall, Bradley brushing his arm casually and looking hopefully into the other man’s eyes. He had confronted Bradley about it, but Brad had brushed him off, dismissing him as jealous and foolish. Adam had believed him in spite of the growing whispers amidst their friends that something more was afoot. Even after Bradley had broken their relationship off, Adam had been determined to remain in London amid their close circle of friends, but it only took one performance to change his mind. It broke his heart to see Brad singing his heart out on stage, singing for his little Lordling. Adam had decided that very night that perhaps a change of scene would benefit him. A return home.
~~~
KRISTOPHER Allen took Katherine’s delicate, gloved hand and stepped lightly in time to the music. She waltzed beautifully; it was almost as if she could float. He was proud, in that moment, that all the eyes in the room were on her, and soon she would be his. Pride was a sin, and Kristopher tried not to dwell on it, but perhaps such small errors could be overlooked. He was finally going to ask her for her hand in marriage, after months of convincing her father that he was worthy of her. Her father had consented but had then whisked Katy off to London for a holiday, robbing Kris of any proposal opportunities. However, upon her return her father had been kind enough to throw her a homecoming party, and Kris was determined to ask her this evening.
“Mister Allen” She said, looking him in the eyes as she crossed in front of him and changed hands, slightly bobbing with one foot behind the other. “Would you like to take a walk outside?”
Kris’s jaw dropped. Katy was never this forward. Surely she didn’t mean unchaperoned?
“I think we could slip out the servant’s entrance.” She continued on her next pass. “Just nod if you’ll agree. I know it’s improper-“
Kris cut her off with a nod and tried to study the look on her face. Her smile could set his heart ablaze, but she had no smile for him tonight. She was so lovely: blonde hair and green eyes, a dimpled grin and fair complexion…Kris listed off her features as a poet might. He had, in fact, written her several poems but had dismissed them all as not worthy. They had grown up in the same town, and though her family was of a much higher station, they would dance together as often as propriety would allow. Every social event of the season would be another excuse to see her, try and win her affections. Kris knew he shouldn’t be nervous. Why, Katherine had hinted at making a life together often enough that their engagement seemed a natural conclusion. Yet there was something in her face that worried him.
After the song ended, she disappeared and Kris waited a few moments before following.
“Best of luck, Kristopher.” His brother, Daniel clasped him on the back. Kris nodded at him and started across the room. Daniel had been recently married himself, and his wife Eleanor was expecting their first child. Kristopher wondered if he, too, would be so quick to start a family. The thought formed a tight little ball in his throat. Of course, Katy was beautiful, and Kris knew what activities were necessary to have a baby. His father had explained, and of course Daniel had bragged about his various conquests even before Eleanor. He’d never so much as kissed Katy. She had given him her glove however, and he had kissed that once before tucking it in his wardrobe. Kris felt himself growing ever more anxious as he wove through the crowd.
At last he made it through the small door and out into the rear garden. Katy was standing amidst the night-blooming flowers, elegant in her simple gown. Her hair was caught up so that only a single curl fell from its binding. She looked stunning and suddenly Kristopher understood why her father had been so reluctant to give his permission. There was no way he could be worthy of her, not ever. Even so, he had to try. Kristopher walked towards her, trying to be as quiet as possible.
“Miss O’Connell.” He whispered. “Katy, if I may-“
“Of course you may. We’ve been good friends for many years, haven’t we?” She was smiling now, but it was a pressed, difficult-looking smile.
“We have. In fact, I’ve been meaning to speak with you about that.” Kris stammered a bit, looking toward the moon momentarily. It was easier than looking at her.
“I hope we’ll remain good friends for many years to come.” Katy continued as if she had not heard him. “Perhaps our children will play together as we once did.”
Kris was confused. It was terribly forward of Katy to talk about having children together before they were even engaged. He frowned slightly.
"Our children?" Kristopher finally stammered. "I'm afraid I don't understand."
"Not our children” Katy stammered, blushing. “I meant our respective children, of course.” Kris gave her another bewildered look and she glanced around nervously. “I know you spoke to my father before we departed for London." Katy continued, clearly distraught. "Of course he didn't mention it until it was too late."
Kris felt his hopes sink like a stone tossed into a pond.
"Too late?" Kris repeated. "But I haven't even asked you-"
"I met a man in London. I should say, we were introduced. He's heir to the largest estate in Yorkshire. He, well he spoke to father and my parents...they thought it would be a good match."
"I...I had spoken to your father...I shouldn’t have procrastinated, but Katy - I thought you knew. Surely you knew."
"Kristopher. You know that I hold you in the greatest esteem. But my parents told me he is afforded 800 pounds a year. Can you imagine such a sum? I'd be able to make sure they are well taken care of. It would mean better social arrangements for my sisters. I'd be able to make charitable donations, put some of that fortune to good use." Katy swallowed hard. "My parents thought it would be for the best, Father decided-"
"That you should marry some swell you don't even know because his pockets are well-lined?"
"Kristopher, he is a good man. His family is socially impeccable, save for his elder brother, but-"
"You don't even know him. Katherine...Katy." Kris's voice was soft, pleading. He took a step closer to her and gently placed his hand on her arm. "What of the plans we spoke of? My studies are almost complete and I am set to take my vows next week. We were going to find a small parish out in the country that had need of a pastor and we-"
At this, Katy brightened.
"That is the good news, Kristopher. Heathwick is large enough that it has a parish of its own. The church is attended by farmers and the townspeople from the surrounding villages. Neil mentioned that their pastor had recently been called to Heaven and I mentioned you. He... he spoke to the Bishop and if you'd like it, the church would be yours. The parsonage too, it's located on the grounds of the manor. Neil - my fiancé, his brother purchased him a commission in the Army so he will be away much of the time. He thought it would be nice for me to have a friend close by. Perhaps, if you took a wife, she and I could be good friends as well."
Kris's mind was reeling. He had always dreamed of a parish of his own and had thought it would be years before he attained that dream. The dream had always included her as his wife, however, and the idea of having her so close at hand yet out of his grasp was difficult to bear.
"I must say, my heart is...Katy I thought we had an understanding. If you really intend to marry this stranger I must confess my disappointment."
"Please, Kristopher. I feel as though this is the best way forward. I have always thought you would be part of my life. Nothing has changed other than the role I thought you would play. Accept the posting.”
Kris blinked back tears. Good God, he couldn’t cry. Not in front of Katy. He turned away for a moment, trying to breathe deeply. It was this motion that enabled him to see a tall, dark haired man walking towards them in the moonlight.
“Are you here, my love?” the man asked and broke into a bit of a trot when he saw Katy, obviously eager to be at her side.
“Ah, you must be Mr. Allen. “ The man bowed slightly, and Kris returned the gesture. “Katy’s told me so much about you. I do hope you’ll accept the posting. We do so need a man of your conviction, especially with my elder brother returning. He’s been in London so long he’s practically a heathen!” Neil laughed at his own joke, winking at Kris as to show he was kidding.
“We really must be getting inside, my love.” Neil continued, kissing Katy’s hand lightly. “Your father wants to make the announcement.” He turned back to Kris, bowing again. “I’m sorry, you must think me terribly rude. I’m Neil Lambert, of Heathwick. Miss O’Connell’s intended. “
“Ah, no. Not at all.” Kris stammered, bobbing his head in return.
“Katy’s spoken so fondly of you. She tells me you’ve been like a brother to her. I hope we shall be like brothers too. The parsonage is lovely - very close to the main house. Why, when Pastor Robbins died I wept for a week. I practically grew up at his knee. The old man taught me how to play rugby, if you can believe it. I’ll bet you’re a rugger. You’ve got the makings of a fair scrum half.” Neil gestured towards the house and Kris walked next to him, Katy his other arm demurely.”
“I, ah… No. Well, yes I’ve played but not regularly enough to have a position.”
“A shame I’ll be off for Spain so soon. Why, we’ll barely have time to get settled before I have to leave again. If I had longer we could organize a match; get all the local lads in for a weekend. What a lark!” Neil seemed to be an amiable fellow, but Kris could tell he was trying to draw Kris into conversation. Perhaps he wanted to see if he refuted Katy’s claim that her affections towards him were sisterly. No matter the case, Kris tried to steer the conversation away from the wedding. Inspiration struck.
“Does your brother play?” Kris asked suddenly, remembering that Neil was the heir to Heathwick, not the owner. “That is, is your brother often at Heathwick?”
“Adam lives in London, and no-“ Neil chuckled and dropped his voice low, leaning closer to Kris “-he doesn’t play rugby. But the lads about town tell me he’s not one to turn down a scrum. If you follow.” It took Kris a moment and a suggestive arch in Neil’s brow, but after a moment spent reflecting on the proximity and position of rugby players engaged in a scrum, he did indeed follow. Neil was implying that his elder brother was a sodomite, if Kris was reading him correctly. It would certainly explain why Neil was to inherit rather than any future offspring of the elder Lambert brother.
“Once Katy and I start a family, my allowance will double. Since Adam refuses to take up residence at Heathwick, it was always our agreement that I would raise my family there. As mother and father are no longer with us, there’s no one to force him to marry - so he’s decided he won’t. Stroke of luck for me - I doubt pretty Kate over here would have given me a second look without Heathwick.” Neil kissed her on the cheek as she swatted him good-naturedly.
“Neil!” She chided him, giggling.
“I jest, my love. Your kindness and generosity would of course lead you to take pity on such a humble specimen as myself. A creature of your loveliness would be wasted on a fellow like Kristopher here, who is not homely enough to appreciate what beauty looks like. Why, he can see it in the mirror - why look elsewhere?”
“Neil!” Katy said again, laughing openly now, a joyous sound that made Kris’s heart ache. He makes her happy Kris realized, smiling a little wistfully.
“Oh come now, Mr. Allen. Do let’s be friends.” Neil said, smile fading a little when Kris did not join in the laughter. “I hope I didn’t cause offense. Katy will tell you, I always run on at the mouth. It’s a dreadful habit, but she does encourage it. I shall have to be very firm with her. Perhaps, as our liaison to the Almighty, you can intercede on my behalf? ‘Dear Lord, please grant strength to my dear friend Neil Lambert so that he doesn’t act up to impress his intended i I n front of her old friends.’”
Kris couldn’t help but join in the laughter this time, and Neil patted him lightly on the shoulder.
“Please Kristopher, do say a prayer for me.” Katy asked, wiping a tear as she came down from her fit of laughter. “I fear I shall need them.”
“I will.” Kristopher promised. “ Might I have a moment with your intended, Mr. Lambert? If that won’t strain the bonds of our new acquaintance?”
“Of course, my good man. I am sure you have a lot to discuss to plan the ceremony. You’ll be officiating, of course. Comes with the territory. Ah! Now you see my ulterior motive!” Neil bowed again, offering Kris a rakish grin before heading into back into the O’Connell residence.
Katy stood in silence a moment, looking at Kristopher sadly. Kris took a deep breath, unsure of what had just transpired. He only knew that he had come outside intending to propose and was coming back inside having agreed to marry the woman of his dreams - to another man.
“I do wish you every happiness, Katy.” Kris started. “I just wish that it were me.” He said softly, before shaking his head to clear the thought. “No matter. It’s for the best, as you say. And I wouldn’t stand in the way of your future. I shall be satisfied as to my part in it, as best I can.”
“Oh, Kristopher.” Katy closed the gap between them and embraced him. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know and by the time I did - “
“Do not worry yourself on my account. He is a good man. I can tell.”
“That means very much to me, Kristopher. I treasure your good opinion.”
“May it long be so.” Kris took her hand and kissed it gently. “But I believe you have an announcement to make, and I should let you return to your guests.” He said, turning her towards the door.
“Aren’t you coming inside?”
“I believe I shall walk home. Would you be a dear and send Daniel after me?”
Her face fell somewhat, but she nodded.
“Of course. Goodnight, Kristopher.”
“Goodnight, Miss O’Connell.” He said, returning to formality and relishing the few opportunities to use her maiden name that he had left. He watched her enter her house before departing, making his way through the back garden to his family’s land by moonlight.
“Guide me.” He implored the heavens, though there was no earthy direction he sought. He could have made his way home in pitch-blackness. No, Kris prayed for a new north by which to aim the compass of his soul; the old stars would no longer do.
~~~
THE meeting with the lawyer had gone well, and his journey had progressed slowly northward towards North Gate, where Heathwick was located. Adam took his time in a few of the towns, trying to remember what it was like to live in a place so full of quiet. After his third such extended stay, he realized that he was simply putting off his return to Heathwick. A journey that should have taken the better part of a week turned into a fortnight, but Adam had run out of pastoral villages. The only town in front of him was his own, and he could see the winding road that would take him out of the village and to the manor and church that were his birthright.
Heathwick. One look at her and Adam was instantly transported back to simpler times: before his parents had died, before his relocation to London, before Bradley Bell. The graceful white columns still stood majestic atop the stairs, which spilled down onto the hills like an invitation. The parsonage stood snug between two oak trees, and Adam followed the footpath from the front door of the little stone cottage, across the river to the church - which was strangely occupied.
“Driver!” Adam rapped on the roof. “What day is today?”
“Saturday, June 14th, m’lud.” Came the chipper reply.
“Then why…?“ The carriage was drawing near the church now, and Adam rapped on the ceiling again.
“Let me out, I’ll meet you at the manor. You can bring my bags in, I’ll leave you the key.”
“Right-o, sir. Will you be long?”
“Only a moment, I should think. I’ll have your fee presently.”
Without waiting for the carriage to stop, Adam swung down and began walking towards the church. Perhaps he shouldn’t intrude - it could be someone’s christening, he warned himself, but his curiosity was piqued. Last he heard, old Pastor Robbins had died, and the church had been unable to find a pastor willing to relocate this far out for this small of a congregation, much less one located on a manor that had been all but abandoned.
Adam put his hand on the pull of the church door, feeling the pitted metal even through his gloves. He had almost pulled it open when he heard a sound-
The church organ, blasting out a chord, followed by a voice, sure and strong. The singer’s pure tenor was golden, as warm as the June sun on Adam’s dark coat.
“Sicut cervus desiderat ad fontes aquarum, ita desiderat anima mea ad te, Deus.”
Adam felt as though he had been kicked in the gullet as the rest of the congregation joined in the song. It had been a favorite of Bradley’s; he had insisted on playing it even though Adam had tried to banish religious songs from his townhouse.
“It’s beautiful.” Bradley had said, smiling as he pressed the keys. “Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the beauty of it.”
“It’s about death-“ Adam had protested.
“It’s about a love stronger than death. A thirst to be together even though you might feel abandoned and alone. Maybe you can relate?” Brad had stopped playing and kissed him - there was never any arguing with him.
“ad te, Deus.“
Adam was transfixed by the resolution of the final chord, having followed the tenor throughout the piece. The fact that there was indeed a service taking place occurred to Adam at last, and he removed his hand from the door, not wanting to interrupt.
“We are gathered here today to celebrate the holy matrimony of Neil Lambert and Katherine O’Connell“
The same tenor voice, so uplifted in song, sounded muted and sad speaking, the words so infused with emotion that Adam almost didn’t catch the name. When it registered, Adam pivoted on his heel and burst into the church. It was his brother’s wedding, God damn it, and if anyone had a right to interrupt, it was Adam.
~~~
KRISTOPHER was sweating. It was his first full service as a newly ordained priest of the Church of England, and it was a wedding at that. Not just any wedding, either. The wedding of the woman he had spent the last three years assuming he would one day marry to his new landlord’s affable and wealthy younger brother. Katy looked radiant, though it was clear she wasn’t looking at Kris. For Neil’s part, he didn’t seem to notice the tension; he seemed as eager as any groom on his wedding day. Their wedding was to have been months off, but last week Neil had received orders that his regiment would be leaving for Spain. Neil had begged Katy to move up the date; should something happen to him in the fighting he wanted to make sure she was well taken care of.
The organ began Kris’s favorite motet, a Palestrina, based on psalm 42.
So as the deer longeth for running water, yea, so my soul longeth for you, oh Lord. The words of the motet were simple but evocative. Kris couldn’t help but think that his deer was bounding out of his grasp at last, having drunk her fill. It was an uncharitable thought, and he banished it to the back of his mind and let his voice carry his emotion instead. Katy’s airy soprano and Neil’s hesitant bass were no match for him, but the rest of the congregation supported them all. It was a beautiful sound, and joyous. Everything was almost as it should have been.
As the song faded, Kris began the words of the ceremony. He looked past Katy and Neil, not wanting to see the excitement in her eyes as she looked up at her soon-to-be husband, their names falling from his mouth with much practiced diction. He hoped he didn’t sound as shaky as he felt, and secretly prayed for deliverance.
The church door swung open loudly and Kris caught his breath. The late afternoon sun backlit the figure, as tall and straight a fellow as Kris had seen. The man seemed to forget himself for a moment as he looked around the small church, surveying the scene. With a graceful gesture, he swept his top hat off his head and slipped his black gloves from his hands.
“Brother!” Neil called, cutting through the silence of the moment. The man stepped forward, the door swinging closed behind him so Kris could get a good look at him.
He looked like Neil, but at the same time, nothing at all like him. Whereas Neil’s face was bright and happy, his elder brother looked morose and pale. Where Neil’s hair was dark, his brother’s was fair - a golden - copper. His eyes swept over the room like a bird of prey, scanning the crowd for familiar faces, looking Katy up and down as if to find fault, and finally settled on Kris himself.
But the lads about town tell me he’s not one to turn down a scrum. If you follow. Neil had said. Kris supposed he should be repulsed, but Neil hadn’t seemed so, and as Adam gazed at him appraisingly, Kristopher Allen drew himself up to his full height. He had always been able to feel the hand of God in his life, and Kris felt it now, pushing him from behind ever so slightly towards the intimidating figure in front of him. What was behind this man’s evident suffering? Why had his own brother not bothered to invite him to his wedding? Was he really the sinner that Neil had so cheerfully painted him?
“Neil.” The man spoke, his voice high and cold. “I see congratulations are in order.”
“Adam. Don’t be cross with me. I did send a letter to your flat in London. My orders require me to report for duty next week and I, well, we wanted to g be married before I left.” Neil had left Katy at the altar and was walking hurriedly towards his elder brother, Adam. “Please. Join us in front. “ Neil waved aside his attendant, and escorted Adam to the place of honour at his right.
“Adam, this is my bride Katherine - Katy. Katy this is my brother, Adam.” Neil introduced. “Oh, and our new pastor, the Reverend Kristopher Allen.”
“How do you do.” Adam bowed his head slightly, looking longer at Kris than he did at Katy, though he did return her smile. It rang hollow to Kris, though Katy didn’t seem to notice.
“You may proceed, Reverend.” Neil said, but Adam tugged his shoulder and whispered something. Neil looked at him oddly and whispered back.
“I understand that, but I’m the one that’s paying for it. I shall have my say.” Kris heard Adam mutter angrily.
“Very well.” Neil said, face darkening. “No more music, however. My brother has a sudden aversion-“
“An aching head after a long day of travel.” Adam insisted. “I apologise.”
“Not at all, Mister Lambert.” Katy said, her voice sweet and full of the kindness Kris had so long admired. “If Adam is ill we could wait an hour more.”
“No, no. Do proceed.” Adam waved his hand. “Just…no more noise than necessary.”
After a long moment of awkward silence, Kris continued with the ceremony, unable to be nervous about the words anymore, not with Adam’s pale blue eyes resting solely on him for the balance of the afternoon.
~~~
ADAM leaned against the cherry mantle of the drawing room fireplace, contemplating his reflection in the plate glass window. He had been a boy the last time he had visited this room and now he was master of it.
"So you're married" Adam began, addressing his brother, who looked eager to get this particular conversation over with.
"So you're back home. For how long?" Neil ran a hand through his curly hair, tapping his foot quietly.
"Longer then you intend to stay, apparently." Adam poured his brother a drink. "It's good to see you, Neil. It's been far too long."
"A problem you could have remedied, had you wished." Neil bristled. "But London has its allure, I suppose. I certainly found happiness there."
"Her family is a bit lower than father would have preferred, but I suppose given the circumstances it was a good match. You might have consulted me, Neil."
"You have done as you wished for six years now without regard to familial responsibility. I've acted as head of the family in everything but name. Certainly I should be afforded the privilege of choosing my own spouse, since that is another duty you've neglected." Neil was blunt, but not untruthful. Adam had indeed neglected his duty to Heathwick. Since he would not provide the family with an heir, it was well that Neil had taken it upon himself to find a wife. In Katherine O'Connell, Neil had found a family willing to overlook the eccentricities of Adam's lifestyle and provide Heathwick with a beautiful and socially capable mistress.
"Forgive me. You've done well for yourself. I will endeavour to take more of a hand in family matters, especially now that you will be departing. Your wife is welcome to stay here, of course, provided she doesn't mind my presence."
"Why should she? It's your home as well as mine. I expect she should be grateful for the company. The only other person of note within circumstance is Reverend Allen, her childhood beau." Neil quirked a grin. "A nice enough chap, I suppose. A trifle dull but earnest enough."
"I had been meaning to ask where he came from. I am hardly a church-going man but don't the bishops usually wait till a man is out of short-pants before awarding him a parish?"
Neil chuckled, swirling the wine in his glass before taking a sip.
"Usually. It was Katy's idea. I think she felt a little guilty. Apparently he carried quite the torch for her. Her father would have been a fool to approve of such a match, his prospects being what they were. So I took pity on the poor chap and wrote to Bishop Clark. He was only too happy to concede the appointment." Neil refilled his glass and checked his ascot in the looking-glass. "Not a bad bargain. We gain an extremely grateful pastor who will likely settle down with one of the local girls and I have someone to watch over Katy while I am away...and don't look at me like that." Adam had just shot Neil a wary look. "Katy's father assured me he was extremely pious. You're probably a greater threat to her virtue. At any rate, she hardly seems like the type to make a fool of me."
"You don't need a woman to make you a fool." Adam teased, and Neil raised an eyebrow.
"Neither do you, brother, if the London gossip is true."
"What do you know if it?" Adam's mood soured instantly, and the smirk fell of his brother's face.
"I have friends in London too, you know. Your exploits are not entirely a mystery. Your motivation, perhaps-"
"Shouldn't you be returning to your wife?" Adam interrupted, not wanting to discuss Bradley, especially not with Neil, of all people. He would likely tell him at exactly what point Bradley had fallen out of love with him, and chide Adam for not recognising his treachery immediately. He would be right to do so; Adam had been a fool for love. He vowed never to cede such power to another again, and being away from London all but removed the opportunity.
"We should both join the party. Will you favour us with a song?"
Adam scowled and left the room, not even caring to dignify Neil's request with a response. He wouldn't be insulted and then expected to perform like a common fool. Neil would make apologies for his absence, and if he took offence so be it.
~~~
THE grand ballroom of Heathwick did nothing to lift Kris’s spirits. If fact, it served only to throw into sharp relief the difference in station between he and Neil. How could he compare to this grandeur? He had been a fool, a blind fool to set his sights so high. Clearly, this sort of life was the life Katherine O’Connell deserved.
"You did a fine job today, Reverend." Kris eyed Katy's father James warily. He hadn't spoken to the man since he had given his permission to ask Katy's hand in marriage. His heart was not yet ready to forgive him, though Kris understood his situation. He would have done the same by his daughter were the choice in his hands. In some ways he was happy for Katy: that at least she would be well provided for. Neil Lambert could give her much that she deserved that Kristopher would have never been able to produce. He just hoped that, in time, Neil would love her as much. Surely he would.
"Thank you, sir. Congratulations on a most fortuitous match for your daughter. Now, if you'll excuse me..."
"Wait a moment, Mr. Allen. I wanted to congratulate you on your new posting as well. A parish of your own at your age is quite an accomplishment." James O'Connell thumped Kris on the back, and Kris shirked away from the heavy hand.
"Thank you, though your son-in-law had more to do with that than I did." Kristopher glanced around the room hurriedly, looking for anyone to save him from this thoroughly awkward conversation. Everywhere, guests were arriving and mingling, people Kristopher had never met. He was utterly alone in Heathwick but for the O'Connell family.
"If you were still looking for a wife, Katy's younger sister Mary is almost of a marriageable age. Now that you are a man of some means I am sure she would look favorably on such a match." James's wife Molly offered, tilting her head to indicate the second sister, who was giggling with the youngest O'Connell girl.
"I..uh, thank you for that suggestion. I think I shall settle in to my new duties before I do any courting." Kris tried to smile amiably, but he could tell from their disappointed reactions that they could read his disinterest. He excused himself, saying that he needed to meet his new parishioners, and wandered over to take a glass of wine from the serving tray.
Kristopher ducked around the corner, happy for the few moments alone. Molly O'Connell was not the only woman with eligible daughters in the room, she was simply the most forward. Other just-as-subtle offers would no doubt be bandied about for the remainder of the evening. Of course Kris planned to move on someday. But today was not that day. Today was a day to get mildly inebriated, make an appearance, and leave before he could get publicly emotional.
"This is supposed to be a celebration." Kris turned slightly to see Neil Lambert holding two glasses of wine. "Allow me." He said, exchanging Kris's almost empty glass for a full one.
"Congratulations." Kris said, raising his glass slightly.
"I hope that smile isn't the best you can muster, or the ladies of the village will stop attending service. I thought I had left behind my most morose guest when I parted company with my brother a moment ago." Neil smiled a little too knowingly, and Kris felt his face begin to burn.
"Forgive me, Mr. Lambert, I...wine always leaves me with a headache." Kristopher lied, hoping that Neil would attend to his other guests.
"If it's stronger drink you're after, you should see the other Mr. Lambert. Upstairs on the right. In fact, you should pay him a visit anyway. You'll know him by his frown."
"I met him at the service." Kris mumbled, taking a sip of the wine.
"Seemed to me that you were quite focused on someone else. Didn't know if you got a good look at him." Kris was surprised by the ice in his tone but couldn't fault Neil. After all, Kristopher was a wedding guest and should at least pretend to be happy. "But I can't hold it against you. She looks exceedingly lovely today." Neil continued.
"She does." Kris agreed, nodding his head.
"I hope we can be friends." Neil said, offering his hand.
"I'm sure of it." Kris took the hand that was offered. "As long as you're good to her."
"You have my word."
"Good man." Neil smiled at him, a genuine smile rather than his typical sardonic smirk. "I should get back to my guests. Do drop in on my brother."
"I shall." Kris promised, watching Neil make his way towards the crowded ballroom to dance with his new wife.
~~~