CLAY HAPPENED
I'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT SPAMMING THE COMM TO DEATH WITH CLAY TOUR STUFF, BUT SINCE SATURDAY WAS THE LAST NIGHT OF HIS TOUR AND BECAUSE SOME OF US WERE THERE AND I'M SURE YOU'RE EXTREMELY INTERESTED, IT'S A TRIED & TRUE CONCERT RECAP POST!
So this tour was similar to this summer's 100% epic flawless Cluben tour in that the songs were super old, but different because instead of being primarily a hilarious variety act, it was like the most weepy-grandma thing ever (I mean what else would you go to this show for?).
Myself and fellow resident Claymate teamaims plus unwilling participants _amazed, hyper_mofo and spangel_kat all braved the storm of walkers, canes and begrudging husbands and strapped ourselves in for the ride that was this last show in San Francisco.
This whole tour is pretty lowkey. Nothing huge or flashy or crazy, just Clay singing some great songs and being Clay--because that's really all you need.
The show opened with the theme from Love Story:
...But since it was the last night, they opened it with Clay's giant bodyguard Jerome lipsyncing while Clay sang offstage. LOL ILU JEROME. AND THE SECOND HALF OF THIS OH MY GOD ORGASMS GUHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Old Idol favorite Mack The Knife was up next:
ALWAYS FLAWLESS. He kept it going with "There's A Kind Of Hush," "It's Impossible" and "Moon River."
Now one of the more notable things about this tour stop is that there were actually guys there. Some reports say possibly 30% of the crowd was male, but I think it was probably more like 15% - 20%--or they just scampered off quickly and hid very well. But they were definitely there, some even on purpose. Truly it was a sight to be seen. He acknowledged it and tried to figure it out. He counted like 16 guys in the first few rows. One guy was there with his girlfriend, one with his wife... and he asked one guy who was with a group of girls if he was there with ALL his wives, then made some joke about how this wasn't Utah and then tried to shut up before ~he got into trouble. So he asked another guy who he was there with, and the guy answered "my wife and my sister" and Clay was like "IT REALLY IS LIKE UTAH." BA-DA-CHING LOL INCEST SISTERWIVES.
Since this show is all old-timey covers, Clay doesn't do his old songs. He went on some rant about watching Charlie Sheen on TV and then he was like "and then Johnny Depp came on and he did something." He kind of lost track of WTF he was talking about, but the point was that he could barely remember the lyrics to his older songs (Run To Me? What is that?). But then he decided at some point during tour to include a medley of his old original songs in a jazzy arrangement to appease fans and to "keep from getting stabbed."
So we have all your old favorites like The Way, A Thousand Days, Oh My Way Here, Invisible, and much much more. And most importantly, it includes ~~A SHIRT TUG~~ and the squeals of _amazed's reemerging inner Claymate could be heard.
(That video is from a different show but I'm too lazy to go find one from SF RN LOL.)
Here's a short video from a different show of just a shirt tug for your fapping folder okay:
Then Clay started hatin' on autotuning and asked the audience what they listened to on top 40 radio:
This video is a must-watch because it features spangel_kat Krisberting, and Clay Aiken speaking the words "Kris Allen" and "Adam Lambert" within seconds~. And there's plenty of Clay being a bitch about Miley Cyrus--("Carrie Underwood IS a good singer--Miley Cyrus is... a singer.") Then there's some happenin' Clay autotuned Suspicious Minds action.
Then every night the band comes up with a sekkrit song to give Clay the lyrics to to have him read. Since it was California, we got California Gurls:
IDK I THINK HE SECRETLY LOVES THAT SONG HE WAS KIND OF INTO IT. Then somebody said something about being "TOO GOOD FOR CRAP" and it made me laugh.
He went on to sing Suspicious Minds normally and it was amazing and wonderful as usual:
This recap is probably all disjointed and out of order now but at some point he took off his tie and the reason for doing so was because it was hot and it made him look pregnant. Then he was talking about people being on drugs and he said something that didn't make any sense and Quiana was like WTF and was cracking up and I'm not sure what that was about but I'm going to assume he was high.
OOH OOH and he sang Something About Us WHICH WAS REALLY REALLY RLSWER;LWFL;rweg;lekg;lketgkllkgklkh exciting for me because we never got an On My Way Here tour and I will be forever depressed about it because it is my favorite ever and none of these other losers care about that album and just to hell with them all okay.
Different night because I haven't found one for SF yet but stilllllll:
LOL IT'S LIKE MY LEAST FAVORITE SONG FROM THAT ALBUM BUT I WAS STILL EXCITED BECAUSE THE WHOLE THING IS PERFECT OKAY.
And then some other lucky bitches at the Cincinnati show got "The Real Me" from OMWH and I hate them oh my god so I'm putting that video in here just because it's a miracle that it was performed LOL:
ONE DAY I WILL BE A BILLIONAIRE AND DONATE LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS TO CHARITY TO BRIBE HIM INTO SINGING ALL THE SONGS OFF OF OHWH IN A PRIVATE SHOW FOR ME ~SIGHHHHHHH.
Okay I'm getting offtrack majorly now.
He sang "Build Me Up Buttercup," "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" and "Misty" and it's the portion of the show that I like to think is dedicated to Ruben because Cluben is real life.
So earlier that night he'd found Blaine while investigating the guys in the audience, and he's 4, and that's the lead in to their "Who's Sorry Now" bit:
Basically since the song is too boring for life, instead of singing it normally he asks the audience to shout out different, very ~obscure styles/genres of music and they make up a new version of it on the fly to liven it up.
First up was ~psychedelic:
QUIANA IS HILARIOUS.
Then we got Bollywood:
Quiana was ~taming the snake and Clay was like "I think you mean snake charming."
Next up we got Sesame Street:
Clay tried to use Quiana as a puppet.
There was Disney:
THEY ARE SO CUTE.
And last but certainly not least they did hip hop, which apparently Clay just thinks means grabbing his crotch:
Just to stray off of this recap completely for a second again, I figure you might be interested in the ones from past shows too, one of which was Burlesque~~~ COVER YOUR EYES IF YOU MUST (THERE'S WRITHING):
For the Haley Reinhart fans, yodeling:
Christian rap LMAO:
"WHO'S SORRY NOW?"
"SINNERS!!!!!!!!!!!!"
CLAY AIKEN DEATH METAL EVERYBODY:
Acoustic (POOR ADAM):
Disco:
And if you skip to the last minute of this you will see opera and it's... it's something. LOL.
And so so so many more that I can't fit in this post like doo-wop, baroque, grunge, Celtic, ragtime... it goes on and on.
This post is so fucking huge I'm sorry. Okay, back to our actual show. Clay did "It's Only Make Believe" and then "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" which I love so here we go:
Clay and Quiana sang Crying and it was beautiful guhuhhgfhgh drool on my face. Quiana had some solo numbers too which were all perfect because she is the greatest ever. Then the show started to wrap up--I KNOOOOOOOOOOOW SO SAD WHY ISN'T IT 5 HOURS LONG.
Unchained Melody:
I WAS TEARING UP LIKE A LOSER. It was ~moving. I want to bawl every time he ever sings it I just get all nostalgic and protective I mean LOOK AT THIS BABY HERE:
Where did my life go holy shit. But seriously his version is so gorgeous I can't even deal.
Before the show started there were some very threatening ladies handing out glow sticks to people for the finale. So when Clay closed with "In My Life" it was all glowy and fun~. But the women in front of me and _amazed were like really, really concerned about people not having glow sticks and kept giving this one glow-stick-less dude nasty looks. Then some other Claymates yelled at spangel_kat for cracking her glow stick too early. Anyway, Clay went out of his way to thank everybody in the band and his tour manager (who I'm angry at for the SF show because it was such a mess getting put together oh my god) and all that. It was sweet:
LOVE HIM MORE THAN LIFE.
After the show we went to creep for autographs and some lady like had her little daughter climb up a pole to try to spot Clay and the whole time we were waiting the girl was like "I'M HUNGRY AND FREEZING" and her mom was like "YOU ARE DOING US ALL AN INVALUABLE SERVICE" and all I could think about was how that little girl has probably dealt with this her whole life because her mother has probably been a Claymate since before she was born and she thinks normal people make their kids do this shit but enough about my theorizing, because there were people like seriously discussing how Clay was so ~insecure and they were getting all psychoanalytical and started trashing on his mother and I was like dyyyyying inside but the whole thing was hilarious.
BEST THING EVERRRRRRRRR. THE WHOLE COMM IS INVITED TO THE NEXT CLAY TOUR OKAY.
P.S. CLOHN IS REAL.
So this tour was similar to this summer's 100% epic flawless Cluben tour in that the songs were super old, but different because instead of being primarily a hilarious variety act, it was like the most weepy-grandma thing ever (I mean what else would you go to this show for?).
Myself and fellow resident Claymate teamaims plus unwilling participants _amazed, hyper_mofo and spangel_kat all braved the storm of walkers, canes and begrudging husbands and strapped ourselves in for the ride that was this last show in San Francisco.
This whole tour is pretty lowkey. Nothing huge or flashy or crazy, just Clay singing some great songs and being Clay--because that's really all you need.
The show opened with the theme from Love Story:
Click to view...But since it was the last night, they opened it with Clay's giant bodyguard Jerome lipsyncing while Clay sang offstage. LOL ILU JEROME. AND THE SECOND HALF OF THIS OH MY GOD ORGASMS GUHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Old Idol favorite Mack The Knife was up next:
ALWAYS FLAWLESS. He kept it going with "There's A Kind Of Hush," "It's Impossible" and "Moon River."
Now one of the more notable things about this tour stop is that there were actually guys there. Some reports say possibly 30% of the crowd was male, but I think it was probably more like 15% - 20%--or they just scampered off quickly and hid very well. But they were definitely there, some even on purpose. Truly it was a sight to be seen. He acknowledged it and tried to figure it out. He counted like 16 guys in the first few rows. One guy was there with his girlfriend, one with his wife... and he asked one guy who was with a group of girls if he was there with ALL his wives, then made some joke about how this wasn't Utah and then tried to shut up before ~he got into trouble. So he asked another guy who he was there with, and the guy answered "my wife and my sister" and Clay was like "IT REALLY IS LIKE UTAH." BA-DA-CHING LOL INCEST SISTERWIVES.
Since this show is all old-timey covers, Clay doesn't do his old songs. He went on some rant about watching Charlie Sheen on TV and then he was like "and then Johnny Depp came on and he did something." He kind of lost track of WTF he was talking about, but the point was that he could barely remember the lyrics to his older songs (Run To Me? What is that?). But then he decided at some point during tour to include a medley of his old original songs in a jazzy arrangement to appease fans and to "keep from getting stabbed."
So we have all your old favorites like The Way, A Thousand Days, Oh My Way Here, Invisible, and much much more. And most importantly, it includes ~~A SHIRT TUG~~ and the squeals of _amazed's reemerging inner Claymate could be heard.
(That video is from a different show but I'm too lazy to go find one from SF RN LOL.)
Here's a short video from a different show of just a shirt tug for your fapping folder okay:
Then Clay started hatin' on autotuning and asked the audience what they listened to on top 40 radio:
This video is a must-watch because it features spangel_kat Krisberting, and Clay Aiken speaking the words "Kris Allen" and "Adam Lambert" within seconds~. And there's plenty of Clay being a bitch about Miley Cyrus--("Carrie Underwood IS a good singer--Miley Cyrus is... a singer.") Then there's some happenin' Clay autotuned Suspicious Minds action.
Then every night the band comes up with a sekkrit song to give Clay the lyrics to to have him read. Since it was California, we got California Gurls:
IDK I THINK HE SECRETLY LOVES THAT SONG HE WAS KIND OF INTO IT. Then somebody said something about being "TOO GOOD FOR CRAP" and it made me laugh.
He went on to sing Suspicious Minds normally and it was amazing and wonderful as usual:
This recap is probably all disjointed and out of order now but at some point he took off his tie and the reason for doing so was because it was hot and it made him look pregnant. Then he was talking about people being on drugs and he said something that didn't make any sense and Quiana was like WTF and was cracking up and I'm not sure what that was about but I'm going to assume he was high.
OOH OOH and he sang Something About Us WHICH WAS REALLY REALLY RLSWER;LWFL;rweg;lekg;lketgkllkgklkh exciting for me because we never got an On My Way Here tour and I will be forever depressed about it because it is my favorite ever and none of these other losers care about that album and just to hell with them all okay.
Different night because I haven't found one for SF yet but stilllllll:
LOL IT'S LIKE MY LEAST FAVORITE SONG FROM THAT ALBUM BUT I WAS STILL EXCITED BECAUSE THE WHOLE THING IS PERFECT OKAY.
And then some other lucky bitches at the Cincinnati show got "The Real Me" from OMWH and I hate them oh my god so I'm putting that video in here just because it's a miracle that it was performed LOL:
ONE DAY I WILL BE A BILLIONAIRE AND DONATE LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS TO CHARITY TO BRIBE HIM INTO SINGING ALL THE SONGS OFF OF OHWH IN A PRIVATE SHOW FOR ME ~SIGHHHHHHH.
Okay I'm getting offtrack majorly now.
He sang "Build Me Up Buttercup," "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" and "Misty" and it's the portion of the show that I like to think is dedicated to Ruben because Cluben is real life.
So earlier that night he'd found Blaine while investigating the guys in the audience, and he's 4, and that's the lead in to their "Who's Sorry Now" bit:
Basically since the song is too boring for life, instead of singing it normally he asks the audience to shout out different, very ~obscure styles/genres of music and they make up a new version of it on the fly to liven it up.
First up was ~psychedelic:
QUIANA IS HILARIOUS.
Then we got Bollywood:
Quiana was ~taming the snake and Clay was like "I think you mean snake charming."
Next up we got Sesame Street:
Clay tried to use Quiana as a puppet.
There was Disney:
THEY ARE SO CUTE.
And last but certainly not least they did hip hop, which apparently Clay just thinks means grabbing his crotch:
Just to stray off of this recap completely for a second again, I figure you might be interested in the ones from past shows too, one of which was Burlesque~~~ COVER YOUR EYES IF YOU MUST (THERE'S WRITHING):
For the Haley Reinhart fans, yodeling:
Christian rap LMAO:
"WHO'S SORRY NOW?"
"SINNERS!!!!!!!!!!!!"
CLAY AIKEN DEATH METAL EVERYBODY:
Acoustic (POOR ADAM):
Disco:
And if you skip to the last minute of this you will see opera and it's... it's something. LOL.
And so so so many more that I can't fit in this post like doo-wop, baroque, grunge, Celtic, ragtime... it goes on and on.
This post is so fucking huge I'm sorry. Okay, back to our actual show. Clay did "It's Only Make Believe" and then "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" which I love so here we go:
Clay and Quiana sang Crying and it was beautiful guhuhhgfhgh drool on my face. Quiana had some solo numbers too which were all perfect because she is the greatest ever. Then the show started to wrap up--I KNOOOOOOOOOOOW SO SAD WHY ISN'T IT 5 HOURS LONG.
Unchained Melody:
I WAS TEARING UP LIKE A LOSER. It was ~moving. I want to bawl every time he ever sings it I just get all nostalgic and protective I mean LOOK AT THIS BABY HERE:
Where did my life go holy shit. But seriously his version is so gorgeous I can't even deal.
Before the show started there were some very threatening ladies handing out glow sticks to people for the finale. So when Clay closed with "In My Life" it was all glowy and fun~. But the women in front of me and _amazed were like really, really concerned about people not having glow sticks and kept giving this one glow-stick-less dude nasty looks. Then some other Claymates yelled at spangel_kat for cracking her glow stick too early. Anyway, Clay went out of his way to thank everybody in the band and his tour manager (who I'm angry at for the SF show because it was such a mess getting put together oh my god) and all that. It was sweet:
LOVE HIM MORE THAN LIFE.
After the show we went to creep for autographs and some lady like had her little daughter climb up a pole to try to spot Clay and the whole time we were waiting the girl was like "I'M HUNGRY AND FREEZING" and her mom was like "YOU ARE DOING US ALL AN INVALUABLE SERVICE" and all I could think about was how that little girl has probably dealt with this her whole life because her mother has probably been a Claymate since before she was born and she thinks normal people make their kids do this shit but enough about my theorizing, because there were people like seriously discussing how Clay was so ~insecure and they were getting all psychoanalytical and started trashing on his mother and I was like dyyyyying inside but the whole thing was hilarious.
BEST THING EVERRRRRRRRR. THE WHOLE COMM IS INVITED TO THE NEXT CLAY TOUR OKAY.
P.S. CLOHN IS REAL.