And lo, on the day the LORD didst decree the Gaypocalypse, there appeared in the sky to the East four Horsepersons, and at first the people didst think that they were the four American Republican presidential candidates filming a cowboy-themed election commercial, but as the Horsepersons came closer they stood revealed:
And the first Horseperson rode forth, and lo, upon it (sidesaddle) sat a man in exquisite drag: and this was Shi'nay'ne, the Destroyer of Gender Roles, and zie rode a purple horse and carried a disco ball with flaming mirrors, and in her wake women kicked off their high heels and stood wide-stanced and let the aspirin fall from between their legs, and the men put down their tools and picked up their sons and daughters and played Pretty Pretty Princess with them, the males and the females alike.
And the second Horseperson rode forth, and lo, it was a woman in black leather astride a black horse: and this was Sappho, patron saint of the love of women for women, and she carried the keys to a U-Haul truck, and in her wake the women came together, and laughed at each other's jokes, and admired each other respectfully, and began to withdraw to discreet corners in pairs and have sex that was really enjoyable and not just a show for watching boyfriends.
And the third Horseperson rode forth, and lo, it was a smiling man who rode a pink horse, and in his hands he carried condoms whose very existence offended the Church, and as he rode past, men came together and began kissing, and then they didst have the buttsex in the middle of the open street.
And the fourth Horseperson rode forth, and lo, zie was a hooded figure in deep black robes, astride a pale horse, and no one could tell whether zie was man or woman, and zie held in zir hands the Most Unholy Glitter, and zie cast it upon the ground, and zie cast it into the air, and whomever it touched was filled with the wickedness of acceptance, and they ceased to judge each other, and the LORD looked down upon it and was pleased, because fielding millions of prayers for someone's neighbor the sinner to suffer misfortune gets boring really fast even if you have all the time in the universe.
And the Horsepersons rode on through the land, and behind them the people got dressed (where applicable) and went about their day with the extra sparkle of happiness that a good orgasm and knowing oneself loved and cherished brings, and the LORD looked down upon them and saw that it was good. And that was the evening and the morning and the first day.
And the first Horseperson rode forth, and lo, upon it (sidesaddle) sat a man in exquisite drag: and this was Shi'nay'ne, the Destroyer of Gender Roles, and zie rode a purple horse and carried a disco ball with flaming mirrors, and in her wake women kicked off their high heels and stood wide-stanced and let the aspirin fall from between their legs, and the men put down their tools and picked up their sons and daughters and played Pretty Pretty Princess with them, the males and the females alike.
And the second Horseperson rode forth, and lo, it was a woman in black leather astride a black horse: and this was Sappho, patron saint of the love of women for women, and she carried the keys to a U-Haul truck, and in her wake the women came together, and laughed at each other's jokes, and admired each other respectfully, and began to withdraw to discreet corners in pairs and have sex that was really enjoyable and not just a show for watching boyfriends.
And the third Horseperson rode forth, and lo, it was a smiling man who rode a pink horse, and in his hands he carried condoms whose very existence offended the Church, and as he rode past, men came together and began kissing, and then they didst have the buttsex in the middle of the open street.
And the fourth Horseperson rode forth, and lo, zie was a hooded figure in deep black robes, astride a pale horse, and no one could tell whether zie was man or woman, and zie held in zir hands the Most Unholy Glitter, and zie cast it upon the ground, and zie cast it into the air, and whomever it touched was filled with the wickedness of acceptance, and they ceased to judge each other, and the LORD looked down upon it and was pleased, because fielding millions of prayers for someone's neighbor the sinner to suffer misfortune gets boring really fast even if you have all the time in the universe.
And the Horsepersons rode on through the land, and behind them the people got dressed (where applicable) and went about their day with the extra sparkle of happiness that a good orgasm and knowing oneself loved and cherished brings, and the LORD looked down upon them and saw that it was good. And that was the evening and the morning and the first day.
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FLAWLESS.
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