"I know, I know..." Alba looked back to her, gaining his composure enough to give her another smile. "You're Jinx the Invincible, just like you always have been." He said nothing to the idea of himself being in her spot; he knew, not being the strong stuff that she was, he would likely be dead by now. "Doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you alive, all the same." When he began to rise again, only to feel her bury herself against him, he stopped, letting out a deep breath as he began to stroke her hair.
"...I'm not ready to let you go, either." This time, the smile was sad, but honest. He knew she was going to die; likely sooner than he would. He'd come to terms with that. But he also knew that it was still some time off that she would die, or be killed; she still had years ahead...they still had years ahead. His other hand wiped at his eyes, at the burning tears he refused to let loose, before dropping to her back, gently brushing the visible skin. She was pretty neatly stitched-and-wrapped, and Alba hoped it would stay that way until she finished healing.
Finally, after a few moments of silence, he spoke again. Part of him didn't want to ask, didn't care what had happened so long as she was alive. Part of him needed to know; needed to find who or what did this, and make sure they died painfully. Neither side spoke to her. "I was almost ready to get drunk and beat up some thugs before you got a hold of me." Reaching into the bag he'd set on the table, he pulled out the small package of licorice, setting it on her lap. "It's probably best that I didn't."
She shivered at his touch, every sensation reminding her that she was still alive. Since Freeman took the first slash at her, the way she perceived the world had changed. Somehow, she felt as if she should not be alive right now, that she was really dead somewhere. Even the pain could not remind her she had lived through this. Only the touch of the people she was close to... everything about Alba, him being there made her know for certain she was not yet dead. There was too much she had left to do on this earth, and she had plenty of time to think about that while staring at the surrounding walls. There was too much she owed Alba to leave just yet...
When he spoke again, she pulled away from the embrace, looking down from his eyes and wincing at each movement of her broken ribs. With a smirk, she was about to respond to him, but something was set in her lap that made her feel a happiness in this moment of tears. That boy really did love her. Immediately, she attempted to open the package with her trembling hands. "You're not allowed to beat up random people when your angry, that's my thing," she joked somberly. "...damn it." The licorice package won the battle and she lacked the energy to fight using her teeth. With a weaker smile, she handed him the package to open for her.
There was that thick atmosphere forming. She needed to tell him before he was forced to ask, and right now she knew that mind of his was begging to know what happened. With the way she had been acting before this, the antibiotics, how she covered up the marks he had left on her from Alba... god, why did he still love her? Avoiding his eyes completely now, she folded her arms over her ribcage as if the pressure would help the pain, help her stay together. To preface this... to begin something difficult that he may despise her for. But if these words went unsaid, the atmosphere would suffocate them both.
"I've been... Papa... Jushirou took me off the case I was assigned. Remember, we looked through the files together... the man who killed people only using his hands..." The grip she had on herself tightened. "If I don't stand down, the AMC will arrest me and I'll probably go on trial. So... so I... this case means a lot to me. It was my chance to show these people I could do something right... and obviously I can't do anything right because--" Jinx swallowed hard and shook her head, hot saline rolling over her cheekbones. Alba was a smart man and she just gave him the outline of a puzzle.
His fingers wrapped around the plastic, and he tore it open, handing the sweets back to her. "I guess it means you're rubbing off on me. It was bound to happen eventually." He rubbed the bridge of his nose, letting out another long breath. "And I wasn't angry, for the record. I was... frustrated. I felt helpless, Jinx. I mean... I know you don't need protection at all. I know you can take care of yourself, better than I can... I just..." He trailed off, his eyes leaving her for a moment. It's how he had always felt with Soiree, how he figured he felt with both of them; they were family. They stuck together. They watched out for one another and protected each other. But with Soiree's heart attack and everything that had happened with Jinx, Alba was clinging tenaciously to that concept, by his fingernails.
He turned back to her when she began talking. The files they'd gone over... some killer dubbed 'The Free Man' by reports, he remembered. But, if the case meant that much to her... She was right. Alba's brains were one of his best assets. Slowly, he began to understand. Taken off the case, it was important to her... He stared at the tile on the ground. "You found him, didn't you? The 'Free Man.' You found him, and..." He stopped again, his computer of a brain whizzing through what they'd read. About what this killer had done, about the lives he'd taken. "You... you were going to take him down... because he reminded you of yourself." His eyes returned to her. "He got to you first, though." Unblinkingly, he stared, understanding her reasons but not quite fathoming what they meant.
And there she became an open book for Alba. Like he was always able to do, he flipped through all her pages, scanned the text, and got the main idea. It made her stomach churn, so much that she no longer wanted the licorice. But what he took from her, what he analyzed from what he just said, it was not complete and she would deny part of it. "He's not me!" she snapped, grabbing onto her arms, digging her fingers in, actually trembling. "He's not..." The tears dripped off her pointed chin, creating puddles that seeped slowly into the bandages. "We're different..." but that look in his eyes was just the same as hers when she wanted it to be. That look was something only two men had seen and lived: Gin and Jushirou. The eyes of the mentally disturbed, someone who felt that murder was another sort of orgasm.
"You're wrong. I... I got to him first..." she whispered. "I drew the first blood. And I could have killed him... the first time, I was so close, but I... I..." Disgusted with herself, she blushed. When she was talking about this to the man she loved, terrified of the man who had done this to her, of all things she blushed. "I hadn't killed anyone for months. I hadn't cut anyone for months. I got carried away... he brought out that side of me that... he's a part of me that..."
The tears streamed down her cheeks and she choked on her words before she finally blurted out in what seemed like one breath, "We met at a club, we fucked, we met again, we killed someone, we did it again and then I messed up, I crossed a line, I choked, I was scared and he..." finally, she took in that breath, just long enough for her to let it back out in an exclamation of, "He should have killed me! I should have died!" And that emotional breakdown, for the first time emotional and not mental, came in the form of sobs that shook her tiny, beaten form.
"I'm sorry!" she wept. "I'm so sorry!" She was sincere in her words, the most sincere she felt like she had ever been with Alba. "I messed up and now everyone's going to hate me more, including you, and I'm sorry!" It was hard to breathe through each painful sob, her broken ribs stabbing her lungs each time she gasped in for breath through that lump in her throat. "I'm scared... I'm so scared... and I'm so sorry... and I should've died but I wanted to live. I wanted to live because I love you! I should've died but I love you!"
"I didn't say..." Alba started, but was cut short as Jinx withdrew into herself. He immediately knew he'd touched something very painful for her, something that rang with truth. He watched the tears stream down her cheeks, spotting her bandages as they landed. As he reached out for her, the next words stayed his hand. First time? So, she'd encountered him before... Then the dam broke. And Alba was faced with the torrent of truth as she turned the flow outward. When she revealed it all, what they had done together, what she had done with him, what he had done to her...
When the apologies began, he finally reached out, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her gently against his body. "Please... stop, Jinx. Stop apologizing... you don't need to..." He kissed the top of her head as he held her, running his fingertips along her skin, both exposed and bandaged. "You're alive... you're alive and awake... and Gott, that's all that matters." He smiled against her, now able to let his own tears free. "You're not dead, you're not paralyzed or comatose or anything horrible. You're here. With me. You're here where I can tell you I love you. Because... the worst thing in the world would be to lose the chance to say that one more time, Donna di Magia Nera. I love you. I love you, whatever happens. Whatever you do, whatever I do... I love you."
His arms tightened around her slightly as he took another deep breath, keeping himself from sobbing as well. "I don't care what happened as long as you're still here... with me..."
The arms wrapping around her body cut her sobs short. Blind from the tears, she was immediately cohesive to him, nuzzling her cheek against his body. When she went to grab for his shirt, her hands were so unsteady they could not keep a firm hold on the material and her fingertips slid down his abdomen. After all this, he was touching her. After what she had done, he held her to him, kissed her head and stroked her tender flesh. He was supposed to hate her, but he... he loved her. After all she had done, betraying him, pushing him away, lying and doing the things she promised she would not... he loved her.
For now she let herself cry, getting out the pain, not saying another word for the next fifteen or so minutes until she could breathe again without puncturing a lung with her ribs. If it were not for the bandages, her ribcage would look horribly grotesque under the skin that clung to it, not an ounce of fat separating the flesh and bone. The sick little girl held onto her brother until the tears finally ceased. Emotional breakdowns were much easier to pull back from, but they hurt ten times worse by tying her heart in knots. "The worst thing in the world... would be to be pulled apart from you," she spoke at last, her voice sounding nervous, shaky. "I should have died, but I didn't. I didn't die for a reason... he almost put his hand right through me and all I could think about was the last words I said to you, and I prayed they were 'I love you.'"
Pulling her head away from his chest, she looked up at him, her eyes puffy and red, one bruised completely around. In this state she did not feel pretty, but she did not need to be in front of him. He was her brother, her best friend, her lover, and "You are everything to me," she told him. "And now's not the right time... I don't think any time will be with us. I don't want anyone to touch me like that again. I don't want... I don't want anyone else to touch me. I don't have a lot of time left... and I want to spend it with you. Alba... I figured out a lot of things... and I... I want... I want to be with you, more than anything..."
Alba was quiet the whole time she cried. He knew he couldn't say anything more than he had, and at this point, words were meaningless anyhow. He let his hands, his breathing, his heartbeat do the talking. He let Jinx have the floor, clearing her pain bit by bit with every sob that wracked her small body. At her failed attempts to grab at his shirt, he simply pressed himself closer to her. He felt her breathing begin to regulate itself again, heard her speak against his torso, and listened quietly to her lament, her echo of his own feelings. His hand moved to her cheek, cupping it gently, thumbing away the tears from her unblemished eye.
"I do, too." He nodded, finally replying when she looked up at him. "I want to be with you more than anything. Life is short, no matter how you slice it... and here, the slices get pretty thin. You and I have seen people cut down too early. We've cut people down too early. We both know the reality of living the lives we've been given, that you're just as likely to get a bullet through the head as you are to live until your body gives up on you." He smiled at her, reaching for her hand. "We're gonna die, Jinx. We're gonna die any given day. Could be tomorrow, could be ten years, could be fifty. But the odds say we won't know exactly when it will happen. So..."
Alba was a man of logic. A man of reason and rational thought. He rarely acted on impulse, on gut instinct, on primal emotion. Something in Jinx brought it out in him, though, and he couldn't say it was for the worst. Still, this was sudden, even then.
For years, more than she wanted to remember, they had been together. The first day they were ever introduced to the Monacello family, Jinx was on the Meira brothers and she never stopped bothering them. She and Soiree constantly argued like siblings, wrestled with each other, beat each other up and had those roles set... but there was something different about Alba. There had always been something different. All those nights she had held him in her arms as he cried, as he shook with nightmares, and now the roles had switched. With her life, she would protect Alba, but all along she had needed him there more than he ever had. If she had died the other night, he would have eventually had to move on, and even on the verge of death she was afraid of losing him.
All along, this was love. The years she had spent following Gin, Alba was always there. Every time she was hurt, every time she felt heartbroken, Alba was there. And their love seemed to develop, to form into something else entirely, bringing them closer together than she had even been to her own twin brother.
He was right. They could die tomorrow without a second left to say goodbye. All those years of being an assassin she was lucky. She was a woman without fear because she knew her ultimatum, yet never before a few nights ago had she realized she was so afraid of leaving before that deadline. Life was too short and she had wasted two thirds of hers thus far. All the signs pointed to move on, to move past this, and finally be able to be happy. To be normal. To live a life she wanted with a family full of love. To be with the one she loved most in this world and have a goddamn certificate to prove it.
He left her speechless because her smile took over her lips, not letting words through. Then again, he had stolen the words right out of her mouth, in the same form, too. Not a question, a decision for them both, that they both wanted. So she responded to him by reaching up a hand, placing it to the back of his neck, ignoring all pain and bringing him down to her lips. "Sounds great," she whispered into the kiss.
"...I'm not ready to let you go, either." This time, the smile was sad, but honest. He knew she was going to die; likely sooner than he would. He'd come to terms with that. But he also knew that it was still some time off that she would die, or be killed; she still had years ahead...they still had years ahead. His other hand wiped at his eyes, at the burning tears he refused to let loose, before dropping to her back, gently brushing the visible skin. She was pretty neatly stitched-and-wrapped, and Alba hoped it would stay that way until she finished healing.
Finally, after a few moments of silence, he spoke again. Part of him didn't want to ask, didn't care what had happened so long as she was alive. Part of him needed to know; needed to find who or what did this, and make sure they died painfully. Neither side spoke to her. "I was almost ready to get drunk and beat up some thugs before you got a hold of me." Reaching into the bag he'd set on the table, he pulled out the small package of licorice, setting it on her lap. "It's probably best that I didn't."
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When he spoke again, she pulled away from the embrace, looking down from his eyes and wincing at each movement of her broken ribs. With a smirk, she was about to respond to him, but something was set in her lap that made her feel a happiness in this moment of tears. That boy really did love her. Immediately, she attempted to open the package with her trembling hands. "You're not allowed to beat up random people when your angry, that's my thing," she joked somberly. "...damn it." The licorice package won the battle and she lacked the energy to fight using her teeth. With a weaker smile, she handed him the package to open for her.
There was that thick atmosphere forming. She needed to tell him before he was forced to ask, and right now she knew that mind of his was begging to know what happened. With the way she had been acting before this, the antibiotics, how she covered up the marks he had left on her from Alba... god, why did he still love her? Avoiding his eyes completely now, she folded her arms over her ribcage as if the pressure would help the pain, help her stay together. To preface this... to begin something difficult that he may despise her for. But if these words went unsaid, the atmosphere would suffocate them both.
"I've been... Papa... Jushirou took me off the case I was assigned. Remember, we looked through the files together... the man who killed people only using his hands..." The grip she had on herself tightened. "If I don't stand down, the AMC will arrest me and I'll probably go on trial. So... so I... this case means a lot to me. It was my chance to show these people I could do something right... and obviously I can't do anything right because--" Jinx swallowed hard and shook her head, hot saline rolling over her cheekbones. Alba was a smart man and she just gave him the outline of a puzzle.
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He turned back to her when she began talking. The files they'd gone over... some killer dubbed 'The Free Man' by reports, he remembered. But, if the case meant that much to her... She was right. Alba's brains were one of his best assets. Slowly, he began to understand. Taken off the case, it was important to her... He stared at the tile on the ground. "You found him, didn't you? The 'Free Man.' You found him, and..." He stopped again, his computer of a brain whizzing through what they'd read. About what this killer had done, about the lives he'd taken. "You... you were going to take him down... because he reminded you of yourself." His eyes returned to her. "He got to you first, though." Unblinkingly, he stared, understanding her reasons but not quite fathoming what they meant.
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"You're wrong. I... I got to him first..." she whispered. "I drew the first blood. And I could have killed him... the first time, I was so close, but I... I..." Disgusted with herself, she blushed. When she was talking about this to the man she loved, terrified of the man who had done this to her, of all things she blushed. "I hadn't killed anyone for months. I hadn't cut anyone for months. I got carried away... he brought out that side of me that... he's a part of me that..."
The tears streamed down her cheeks and she choked on her words before she finally blurted out in what seemed like one breath, "We met at a club, we fucked, we met again, we killed someone, we did it again and then I messed up, I crossed a line, I choked, I was scared and he..." finally, she took in that breath, just long enough for her to let it back out in an exclamation of, "He should have killed me! I should have died!" And that emotional breakdown, for the first time emotional and not mental, came in the form of sobs that shook her tiny, beaten form.
"I'm sorry!" she wept. "I'm so sorry!" She was sincere in her words, the most sincere she felt like she had ever been with Alba. "I messed up and now everyone's going to hate me more, including you, and I'm sorry!" It was hard to breathe through each painful sob, her broken ribs stabbing her lungs each time she gasped in for breath through that lump in her throat. "I'm scared... I'm so scared... and I'm so sorry... and I should've died but I wanted to live. I wanted to live because I love you! I should've died but I love you!"
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When the apologies began, he finally reached out, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her gently against his body. "Please... stop, Jinx. Stop apologizing... you don't need to..." He kissed the top of her head as he held her, running his fingertips along her skin, both exposed and bandaged. "You're alive... you're alive and awake... and Gott, that's all that matters." He smiled against her, now able to let his own tears free. "You're not dead, you're not paralyzed or comatose or anything horrible. You're here. With me. You're here where I can tell you I love you. Because... the worst thing in the world would be to lose the chance to say that one more time, Donna di Magia Nera. I love you. I love you, whatever happens. Whatever you do, whatever I do... I love you."
His arms tightened around her slightly as he took another deep breath, keeping himself from sobbing as well. "I don't care what happened as long as you're still here... with me..."
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For now she let herself cry, getting out the pain, not saying another word for the next fifteen or so minutes until she could breathe again without puncturing a lung with her ribs. If it were not for the bandages, her ribcage would look horribly grotesque under the skin that clung to it, not an ounce of fat separating the flesh and bone. The sick little girl held onto her brother until the tears finally ceased. Emotional breakdowns were much easier to pull back from, but they hurt ten times worse by tying her heart in knots. "The worst thing in the world... would be to be pulled apart from you," she spoke at last, her voice sounding nervous, shaky. "I should have died, but I didn't. I didn't die for a reason... he almost put his hand right through me and all I could think about was the last words I said to you, and I prayed they were 'I love you.'"
Pulling her head away from his chest, she looked up at him, her eyes puffy and red, one bruised completely around. In this state she did not feel pretty, but she did not need to be in front of him. He was her brother, her best friend, her lover, and "You are everything to me," she told him. "And now's not the right time... I don't think any time will be with us. I don't want anyone to touch me like that again. I don't want... I don't want anyone else to touch me. I don't have a lot of time left... and I want to spend it with you. Alba... I figured out a lot of things... and I... I want... I want to be with you, more than anything..."
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"I do, too." He nodded, finally replying when she looked up at him. "I want to be with you more than anything. Life is short, no matter how you slice it... and here, the slices get pretty thin. You and I have seen people cut down too early. We've cut people down too early. We both know the reality of living the lives we've been given, that you're just as likely to get a bullet through the head as you are to live until your body gives up on you." He smiled at her, reaching for her hand. "We're gonna die, Jinx. We're gonna die any given day. Could be tomorrow, could be ten years, could be fifty. But the odds say we won't know exactly when it will happen. So..."
Alba was a man of logic. A man of reason and rational thought. He rarely acted on impulse, on gut instinct, on primal emotion. Something in Jinx brought it out in him, though, and he couldn't say it was for the worst. Still, this was sudden, even then.
"Marry me."
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All along, this was love. The years she had spent following Gin, Alba was always there. Every time she was hurt, every time she felt heartbroken, Alba was there. And their love seemed to develop, to form into something else entirely, bringing them closer together than she had even been to her own twin brother.
He was right. They could die tomorrow without a second left to say goodbye. All those years of being an assassin she was lucky. She was a woman without fear because she knew her ultimatum, yet never before a few nights ago had she realized she was so afraid of leaving before that deadline. Life was too short and she had wasted two thirds of hers thus far. All the signs pointed to move on, to move past this, and finally be able to be happy. To be normal. To live a life she wanted with a family full of love. To be with the one she loved most in this world and have a goddamn certificate to prove it.
He left her speechless because her smile took over her lips, not letting words through. Then again, he had stolen the words right out of her mouth, in the same form, too. Not a question, a decision for them both, that they both wanted. So she responded to him by reaching up a hand, placing it to the back of his neck, ignoring all pain and bringing him down to her lips. "Sounds great," she whispered into the kiss.
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