Old habits die hard

[rideonmyharley]

Am I so used to getting close to people for work that when it comes time to do it for pleasure, I've forgotten how not to end up completely over my head? I'm rushing and wanting things to happen that don't have to happen. I'm not getting paid for that anymore, Gottverdammt. Louise would laugh his ass off if he knew what I've got myself into.

Comments

[toothsomehound]

Look at it this way: at least you have some drive to get close to people at all. It would be a poor thing indeed if you lacked that, yes?

[rideonmyharley]

If I ever lost that drive, I wouldn't be me.

[toothsomehound]

Well, then you should perhaps consider yourself fortunate. You have all your limbs, you have your mind, you have your health. What more do you desire?

[rideonmyharley]

Someone God won't take from me too damn soon, like he has twice before.

[toothsomehound]

God? Hmhm. Are you religious?

Even so, people come and go. Surely this doesn't bother you too deeply?

[rideonmyharley]

I'm only religious in the sense that I believe in a God and I hate him.

Death bothers me. It's part of life, but there are some people who get taken before they had a chance to do anything with their lives.

[toothsomehound]

I see. A step above believing in God and loving him and a step below denying the existance of God, if you will pardon my personal ranking system.

Even so, it may as well be that they have moved beyond your grasp, that you will never see them again though they live yet. You need not know the difference- dead, alive, you won't see them again. This bothers you so?

[rideonmyharley]

When you see people in caskets, they're generally dead. It doesn't bother me when living people leave my life because it's usually their choice to do so. But the dead didn't get to choose to leave.

[toothsomehound]

Then simply don't attend the funeral.

Even so, the dead are gone, so why fret about them?

[rideonmyharley]

Once they're gone, you've lost the chance to tell them how you feel.

[toothsomehound]

Why would you tell somebody that in the first place? It's very... exposing.

[imperial_ray]

The awards can be well worth it, Luc.

...do you not believe in God, Luc?

[toothsomehound]

But the risks....

I do not, Dizzy. And you?

[imperial_ray]

If you had said no, I would have survived, Luc. I'm stronger than I look.

...why don't you?

[toothsomehound]

I know that, Dizzy. I know that you are a very strong young woman, and one who is pure of heart as well.

The echo of the void is too intense for me to ignore.

[imperial_ray]

I believe in God...in what world can someone like me exist if there is no God?