(no subject)
It sucks not having anyone to talk to. I mean that in general, but more specifically as of late, what with Rascal gone. Took him to the city yesterday for the people and sent him away collect. Fastest and probably(hopefully) most expensive way possible. He should be back in Ontario by now. They better fix him good and right this time. ...Not that I could do anything if they didn't.
Had a slightly eventful day yesterday. I was somehow volunteered to go have fun in the city, by myself of course. Somehow my dad thought I wanted to go in... I was sort of whisked away. Anyway, took Rascal in, got some candy for the gingerbread house, creeped out a Petcetera employee even more, walked aimlessly around Polo Park mall, got to deposit my "I'm lazy and or unfortunate" cheque. I suppose I could qualify under the unfortunate bit. Not going to drive into the city for a 4 hour shift at some crappy job...which seems to be all I'm capable of at the moment, but I like to think of it as being more of a mixture. Can't get a job, and while money is nice, I don't want one. I do want one though... I dunno. It's more fun getting money for nothing. ...I suppose.
After all my fun, aka time wasting, my family actually got together and went out for dinner, and not any dinner. No fast food, crappy restaurant dinner. We went to the Olive Garden. Possibly one of my favorite restaurants. I love their salad, and Alfredo rules. All five of us were there, and we got a free sample of wine. Whee. My dad of course had none, and surprisingly my sister also did not. I thought she would... Merlot. It was a bit weak. Almost too smooth, which is odd for me to say as that's the reason I'm such a Shiraz fan. The smooth body.
Anyway, after dinner, my brother and sister going their own way, since they both live in the city, my parents and I went to Costco for fun. Wheeeee! Fun is a little lacking out here, so... you gotta get what you can? We had two cars, so I ended up going back home with my dad, cause he had one more stop, and that was to get a Christmas tree. Hurray for the tree. We have a tree. We picked it up, my fingers froze, and off home we went.
Forgot to mention, yesterday was the first day of wearing a winter jacket. I shamefully put it on and went to the city. Took it off and left it in the car to go to Polo. It's always so hot in there. Even in the summer...which is odd to say as summer is hot.
Had lots of thinking all day yesterday. Talked to my dad on the way in, fell asleep weighing my options in my mind that evening. My mom sews doubt. It's just what she does. It's why I want to get away from her all the time. She's negative and always trying to find bad things. Sometimes it's not a bad thing that she does it, too. I just don't like it, cause I'm easily swayed.
Anyway, feeling lots of doubt, I think real hard about massage and what else I could be doing. Is there anything I'd enjoy more or that would better suit me? The only thing that comes to my mind is Art, and animals. I'd love to be a rancher, but it seems impossible...especially in Manitoba...though we are farm country... I wouldn't know where to begin with something like that, and who could say it's for me? What do I know about cattle and horses? I just like the idea. Though I do love the way I feel around them...specifically horses. Awe and calmness. Happiness, love. More than that. It's unexplainable. There's fear, too.
The other is art. Artists don't make a lot of money. Come to think of it...neither do Massage Therapists. Photography I love, but I'd keep it for a hobby. I don't want to be a designer, I don't want to be a sign maker. Can't see myself making ads for tv. I just like art. I used to draw. I amuse myself with paint. What else is there for me in this world? I could be a vet, but school is long and intense and I'd come out being pretty much a doctor, which isn't what I want to be. I don't want to be putting animals down either. I just don't think I'd like the day to day vet job.
No art, no animals. Keep them all for hobbies. So what, then? Massage. But why? I don't completely know. So why am I risking money on it? It's kind of like being a doctor too, but then it feels different when I think of it. dljNafdkl;j So.. Whether it's because I'm tired of going over things all the time and tired of my life and whatever... I'm just going to do it. Stick with it.
Last time I made a similar decision, I ended up losing two grand and being kind of angry... Well, I was severally depressed and didn't know a thing about what I wanted. This is different, though, somehow. I'm going into specific classes this time around, where as then I was all over the board. Didn't know how University worked and no one was going to help me figure it out. I know what I'm getting into this time, though. It'll be different.
Just came back from putting up the tree. Then it fell over as it thawed...so we put it back up. So as I was saying, I guess I'm going for school. And why not? I just spent the past couple months getting things together for it. I'm just doubtful because of my mother. Sigh. Anyway, I'm bored of writing this entry. I'll go back and make sure the tree doesn't fall over again. Continue to decorate the gingerbread house...or maybe I'll read. Whatever.
Had a slightly eventful day yesterday. I was somehow volunteered to go have fun in the city, by myself of course. Somehow my dad thought I wanted to go in... I was sort of whisked away. Anyway, took Rascal in, got some candy for the gingerbread house, creeped out a Petcetera employee even more, walked aimlessly around Polo Park mall, got to deposit my "I'm lazy and or unfortunate" cheque. I suppose I could qualify under the unfortunate bit. Not going to drive into the city for a 4 hour shift at some crappy job...which seems to be all I'm capable of at the moment, but I like to think of it as being more of a mixture. Can't get a job, and while money is nice, I don't want one. I do want one though... I dunno. It's more fun getting money for nothing. ...I suppose.
After all my fun, aka time wasting, my family actually got together and went out for dinner, and not any dinner. No fast food, crappy restaurant dinner. We went to the Olive Garden. Possibly one of my favorite restaurants. I love their salad, and Alfredo rules. All five of us were there, and we got a free sample of wine. Whee. My dad of course had none, and surprisingly my sister also did not. I thought she would... Merlot. It was a bit weak. Almost too smooth, which is odd for me to say as that's the reason I'm such a Shiraz fan. The smooth body.
Anyway, after dinner, my brother and sister going their own way, since they both live in the city, my parents and I went to Costco for fun. Wheeeee! Fun is a little lacking out here, so... you gotta get what you can? We had two cars, so I ended up going back home with my dad, cause he had one more stop, and that was to get a Christmas tree. Hurray for the tree. We have a tree. We picked it up, my fingers froze, and off home we went.
Forgot to mention, yesterday was the first day of wearing a winter jacket. I shamefully put it on and went to the city. Took it off and left it in the car to go to Polo. It's always so hot in there. Even in the summer...which is odd to say as summer is hot.
Had lots of thinking all day yesterday. Talked to my dad on the way in, fell asleep weighing my options in my mind that evening. My mom sews doubt. It's just what she does. It's why I want to get away from her all the time. She's negative and always trying to find bad things. Sometimes it's not a bad thing that she does it, too. I just don't like it, cause I'm easily swayed.
Anyway, feeling lots of doubt, I think real hard about massage and what else I could be doing. Is there anything I'd enjoy more or that would better suit me? The only thing that comes to my mind is Art, and animals. I'd love to be a rancher, but it seems impossible...especially in Manitoba...though we are farm country... I wouldn't know where to begin with something like that, and who could say it's for me? What do I know about cattle and horses? I just like the idea. Though I do love the way I feel around them...specifically horses. Awe and calmness. Happiness, love. More than that. It's unexplainable. There's fear, too.
The other is art. Artists don't make a lot of money. Come to think of it...neither do Massage Therapists. Photography I love, but I'd keep it for a hobby. I don't want to be a designer, I don't want to be a sign maker. Can't see myself making ads for tv. I just like art. I used to draw. I amuse myself with paint. What else is there for me in this world? I could be a vet, but school is long and intense and I'd come out being pretty much a doctor, which isn't what I want to be. I don't want to be putting animals down either. I just don't think I'd like the day to day vet job.
No art, no animals. Keep them all for hobbies. So what, then? Massage. But why? I don't completely know. So why am I risking money on it? It's kind of like being a doctor too, but then it feels different when I think of it. dljNafdkl;j So.. Whether it's because I'm tired of going over things all the time and tired of my life and whatever... I'm just going to do it. Stick with it.
Last time I made a similar decision, I ended up losing two grand and being kind of angry... Well, I was severally depressed and didn't know a thing about what I wanted. This is different, though, somehow. I'm going into specific classes this time around, where as then I was all over the board. Didn't know how University worked and no one was going to help me figure it out. I know what I'm getting into this time, though. It'll be different.
Just came back from putting up the tree. Then it fell over as it thawed...so we put it back up. So as I was saying, I guess I'm going for school. And why not? I just spent the past couple months getting things together for it. I'm just doubtful because of my mother. Sigh. Anyway, I'm bored of writing this entry. I'll go back and make sure the tree doesn't fall over again. Continue to decorate the gingerbread house...or maybe I'll read. Whatever.